Why are you still here?

[Caustic Cardinals]

If you wait until "you're ready," you will most likely stay stuck in limbo and not do it.

There will always be a minor excuse to delay. Another small detail, another movie you missed, another food you want. Oh, I have to sell this, clean that. Your well thought out plans can easily become empty excuses to delay.

You are never going to be 100% emotionally prepared to ctb. At a certain point you have to push yourself to get it over with when the pain is too great. Death is supposed to be uncomfortable and scary; to wait for that to somehow change within you is asking to be stuck in a permanent limbo.

watching my mom go slowly, painfully. She was robed of her dignity. I refuse to feel like a powerless burden.

 

[bigj75]

watching my mom go slowly, painfully. She was robed of her dignity. I refuse to feel like a powerless burden.

wow I really resonate with this.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

Not a good time yet, I still got stuff to do. Maybe in a couple of months.

 

[PatKat]

I have asked myself this question many times and I can never find an answer. I guess I am here just waiting to die.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Ì̴̡̨̨͙̘̬̙̐̈̇͑̌̒̒̅̚͜ͅ'̡͔͉̖͉̺̟̞̍̃͛̕̕͢͞͡m̢̺̖̹̯̠͋́̔͞͡ a̴̛̛͓̬̱͉̮̖̼͛̂͗̂̑͋̂̄͢ͅ f̛͍̪̖͔̬̘̀̀̔̍u̡̮̻̼̺̹̙̻̔̇̾̌͛͂̒̔͋͝ͅć̡̺̖̪̘̩̮̿̐͒̇̂̊͛k̶̯̻̩̝͇͔̱͌̂͐̾̄͑̋̀͝i̛̠͓̩̼͈͔̐͌͛͗̄͑̄͡͡n͖̣͉̩̖̽̒̇̑͂̚͢g̪͚̣̯͎̔̃̐̔̄̈̆͠ ȑ̟͉̥̦̫̜̱̗̲͗̑͌̌͐̍̓̅͜͡ë̶̡̛̛̩̪̹̖͕͍̟́̉̇̅͘͠͡t̡̹̯̙̱̯͔́͂̈͂́̔á̩̺̖̲̤̙̰̣̅͒͒̉͡ŗ̷̤̤̭͕̮͑̊̾̊̍̕͟d̴̢̰̭̖̻̳̙̖͂͑̍̆̀̐͒̍̕͢

 

[Hunter]

Not a good time yet, I still got stuff to do. Maybe in a couple of months.

What kind of stuff?

 

[Wantingpeace]

Something has happened to my consciousness that I feel stuck in an alone void for 3 yrs. I'm terrified after death I will be stuck in this limbo state also. Only thing keeping here. Even though I wouldn't want family to suffering the torture is too bad. So terror of where I'll be after death keeps here.

 

[Nem]

I first became suicidal after a severe reaction and withdrawals. First attempt was interrupted and then my dad was dying of cancer and thought it was a bad time. Then, everytime I was about to do it, my dad would call out of the blue. This prolonged things and now they have gotten so bad I am beside myself as to why I am still here.

 

[Perdition]

Fear of method not being lethal and ending up a vegetable, fear of ruining my parents' lives, self-preservation instinct, and fear of physical pain.

 

[Nem]

Well, I definitely need to push past any obstacles and get the job done. It won't happen by itself no matter how much you want to die

 

[MissLisa]

Certain people in my life who are my entire world. I struggle so much though, it won't be long but I will continue to fight because I have to.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I haven't thought through the method properly, I haven't written my letters, I'm terrified of the idea (yet I know it's what I really want)...

 

[sky7]

I've been making excuses for years but it's ultimately fear of the unknown that I can't get over.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

Have a few things to finish off before ctb in order to make things easier for my family and colleagues. If not for that, I can go anytime, sooner the better.

 

[Obliged to do it]

Something has happened to my consciousness that I feel stuck in an alone void for 3 yrs. I'm terrified after death I will be stuck in this limbo state also. Only thing keeping here. Even though I wouldn't want family to suffering the torture is too bad. So terror of where I'll be after death keeps here.

Could you explain in more detail what happened to your consciousness ? Im curious because i have somewhat similar case. PM me if you dont want to share it here

 

[samhelloall9]

still unsure whether i've found a partner or not...their basically doing all the heavy work as i'm unable to...long story.
So yeah. Sure, I could go out impulsively on my own by some awful method...but I'd rather not. That's all why i'm still here, though hopefully my luck improves. it's a waiting game. eventually though i'll probably get lazy and stop using this site regularly and just expect if anyone come's across my posts in the megathread, to just give me a holla. Sigh. I've posted recently more than ever, more out of boredom and anxiety, playing the waiting game, you know how it is.

Otherwise, I guess I'm having to remain living. Nothing else to do, and I wouldn't want to fail. Anyway.

Had some ice cream today, it's been an alright day. Have my good ones and bad ones.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I think its 90% due to the animal instinct to survive. What else can keep me going for this long? I have absolutely no reason to keep going. I got no friends, never had a relationship, still a virgin at 22, broke af, shitty physical health, ugly, got crippling depression, anxiety, no education,... etc.

Why should I stay alive? Because my instinct makes me go on. It makes me fear the process of dying, and if I think about it too much I get scared of death. Wish someone can just snipe me from somewhere through the window.

 

[zzz919]

I am still here because I am a coward ...... I am in my 50's ...... I have suffered all of my adult life ...... I have been poor most of my adult life ...... Perhaps having a partner might help ...... Perhaps it would not ...... I am hungry to know what is on the other side ...... I genuinely want to leave this world ...... I wish someone loved me enough to help me escape planet Earth ...... I wish someone loved me at least as much as a dog ...... A kind caring person would never allow a dog to suffer the way I suffer every day.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Working on my method and plan, awaiting SN to be delivered and to see if I can BS a doctor at an appointment next week for some antiemetics.

Carry out a few last commitments/things and get affairs in order in October.
Book log cabin for a week in November (may run into December)
Enjoy last few days of solitude in a nice place, drink myself silly and do a lot of drugs for one last blast before finally CTB!

 

[Ryukil93]

I've only ever really tried overdosing, which I've since learned is bound to fail. Two years ago I overdosed on a tricyclic antidepressant and had a seizure before being in a psych ward for like 1 week (I think, maybe a 1 1/2 weeks, I got out surprisingly quick)...that might have been the closest I ever got.

Anyway, yeah, I am definitely scared to do it. The survival instinct, then the hope that things could possibly improve somehow. I've experimented a little with strangling myself with ligatures, and it's definitely scary. When you're harming yourself and the adrenaline starts flying around it's pretty scary.

Honestly I wish I had something like N, but I wonder if I'd find an excuse not to take that? I just feel like I would take it, I might get really freaked out but I guess I would be dead relatively quickly, and at least I can die in my bed then. I had a thought of dying in bed surrounded by all the things that I love, like references to certain TV shows, movies, or video games, but that's probably too sentimental. Why not, I guess? Would be comforting to be surrounded by the things I did enjoy about this life as I pass away.

 

[JustcallmeChris]

I've still got some personal projects I need to get out before I go, I guess i'm hoping that things will somehow get better in the meantime. There's a bit of fear in play too, scared about what happens after I fully commit

 

[wanttodie]

Fear of method not working

 

[Gengogakusha]

The people I will leave behind. There is a lot of bad shit happening to the family and I don't want my death to add to that list of things yet.

 

[lifeofregret]

Hurricane Florence lol

 

[throwaway123]

Hurricane Florence lol

Are you serious?

That must be awful

 

[Wantingpeace]

Could you explain in more detail what happened to your consciousness ? Im curious because i have somewhat similar case. PM me if you dont want to share it here

I pm'ed you..

 

[Dead_Inside]

Ì̴̡̨̨͙̘̬̙̐̈̇͑̌̒̒̅̚͜ͅ'̡͔͉̖͉̺̟̞̍̃͛̕̕͢͞͡m̢̺̖̹̯̠͋́̔͞͡ a̴̛̛͓̬̱͉̮̖̼͛̂͗̂̑͋̂̄͢ͅ f̛͍̪̖͔̬̘̀̀̔̍u̡̮̻̼̺̹̙̻̔̇̾̌͛͂̒̔͋͝ͅć̡̺̖̪̘̩̮̿̐͒̇̂̊͛k̶̯̻̩̝͇͔̱͌̂͐̾̄͑̋̀͝i̛̠͓̩̼͈͔̐͌͛͗̄͑̄͡͡n͖̣͉̩̖̽̒̇̑͂̚͢g̪͚̣̯͎̔̃̐̔̄̈̆͠ ȑ̟͉̥̦̫̜̱̗̲͗̑͌̌͐̍̓̅͜͡ë̶̡̛̛̩̪̹̖͕͍̟́̉̇̅͘͠͡t̡̹̯̙̱̯͔́͂̈͂́̔á̩̺̖̲̤̙̰̣̅͒͒̉͡ŗ̷̤̤̭͕̮͑̊̾̊̍̕͟d̴̢̰̭̖̻̳̙̖͂͑̍̆̀̐͒̍̕͢

Feel that .... I literally can't get dying right .... how fucking hard could it be?? They give out those fucking Darwin awards FFS ....

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Feel that .... I literally can't get dying right .... how fucking hard could it be?? They give out those fucking Darwin awards FFS ....

 

[Maravillosa]

I want to outlive my mother (for whom I am a caregiver) and to successfully publish a novel. Also, I am a wee bit scared of ending up in Hell if I ctb.

 

[Psychospazz91]

Must not be my time.