why are you still here?

[pharma]

I'm just here for my mother. She lost her ex-husband and mother in 2018, two weeks apart. She also lost her sister. I don't think she could survive if I died. She literally berates me for keeping my hair wet since she thinks it'll make me sick. She cares about me so much I know she will be destroyed. I jsut wnat to here y'alls story. I need to keep going until her time is up but its so effin hard. I won't be around to see her suffer but i don't want it on my conscience.

 

[Dark Mood]

Lack of courage to kill myself

 

[TheHolySword]

I don't have any way to die right now

 

[littlecutecorpse]

i was kept alive by my parents and MH workers unfortunately. and i still need to have my plan sorted out and ready before i can ctb anyways.

 

[itsgone2]

Lack of courage to kill myself

Same. There is a loved one at the top of my mind but mostly cowardice

 

[martyrdom]

Being watched by family. I will go when my environment allows me more freedoms and privacy.

 

[CursedReality]

Don't want to go into too much detail on it but family. Mostly my mother, i do not wish for her to live with the pain of "memories". And honestly.. imo no parent should have to bear the pain of burying a child.

 

[indianachrome]

2 teenagers, a loving girlfriend and an incredible father

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

There's still a little pull to life from my family and some--emphasis on some--of the kids I coach. But mostly it's fear of pain/failure of the act. If I had a gun or N things would be wrapped up by now.

I have a decent rope and a place for partial. Full would be harder. Could be soon!

 

[兎の耳]

I'm afraid to die. That's about it really.

 

[AnxiousLife]

I for some reason hope my life gets better, but I know it probably won't. I'm also afraid to die, I'm a very anxious person

 

[Nightfoot]

I don't want to traumatize or destroy my elderly mother as she has done so much to help me. Also fear of failing and being left in worse shape, as well as the pain involved in an attempt. I also fear the unknown of death. For now, even the torture of existence is preferable, but I don't know how long that will last.

 

[mjolnir]

I'm afraid my decision to leave might hurt people, but I don't think it will stop me for long.

 

[kitkat9234]

Fear of failing again. Fear of the dying process and what happens after. Worried if it will affect my daughter even though she wants nothing to do with me anymore. Pretty much I'm too chicken shit to do anything. I think something is going to have to happen to put me in crisis mode or something. I just need to say fuck it and just do it. But it's so close to the holidays. I wish there was a fool proof guaranteed way.

 

[5_5]

im a pussy, it's difficult, and im afraid it's gonna crush my mother's heart </3

 

[Throwawaysoul]

I'm here because I don't have a peaceful method. I feel is SN completely overrated. 20 mins of racing heart, gurgling sounds and grunting. I'm good.

 

[KenDuh]

Maybe fear of dying, but also I'm curious of what'll happen next

 

[•_still_here_•]

I'm just here for my mother. She lost her ex-husband and mother in 2018, two weeks apart. She also lost her sister. I don't think she could survive if I died. She literally berates me for keeping my hair wet since she thinks it'll make me sick. She cares about me so much I know she will be destroyed. I jsut wnat to here y'alls story. I need to keep going until her time is up but its so effin hard. I won't be around to see her suffer but i don't want it on my conscience.

I failed my attempt and also I don't want to hurt my brother. I'm scared that he'd also trun out like me if I die, so just gonna wait it out until I can move away and cut him out of my life. At least he'll think I'm still alive and hopefully will won't be like me

 

[FoxSauce]

A place to belong , family stuff and general mental health.

A place I can vent and speak my thoughts about death and other things

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer in this torturous and dreadful existence as I'm so cruelly denied the option to cease existing painlessly that is guaranteed, I find it so horrific how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured, all I want is to be gone, I just want to never suffer again and I just always suffer so much from how peaceful, guaranteed death is denied, I just wish for no more pain and no more suffering.

 

[deadmanwalking1990]

Because im a fuckin coward,and painless methods are nearly impossible because of those bible thumping prolifers

 

[kopebaldy]

I'm a pussy

 

[deadmanwalking1990]

I'm here because I don't have a peaceful method. I feel is SN completely overrated. 20 mins of racing heart, gurgling sounds and grunting. I'm good.

Finally someone who is not in love with fuckin SN,yesterday i've seen a dude post here saying he would rather use SN than N or F,cmon bro are you fuckin serious

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm so stupid and still believing there is a chance to get better :(

 

[Marbas]

I mean. Hopefully I won't still be in the next few months.

 

[waterbaby100]

Because of my loved ones. And I'm scared. I don't want to use SN or affect others when I go (trains etc.). Im scared too and occasionally hope it will get better

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

My life is too comfortable to CTB right now; I suppose I'm almost in the eye of the storm. I could CTB in a month or in 3 years.

 

[an_alias]

mother + general lack of opportunities with her constant being around

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

literally because i just keep failing

 

[AS.star]

My boyfriend - I won't abandon him until there's no hope in my life (he's my hope, I love him)
I send you hugs <3