Discussion Why are you still here?

[Pillow_chatmallow]

I have a question for the admins of this site, especially this one who joined in 2018 and he's still active today. Why are you still alive? Are you even suicidal? I mean, how did you survive all these years? And how does it feel to run a "safe place" where people are told that killing themselves is ok when you don't even do it yourself? I mean, if you're still alive, doesn't it mean that there's actual hope? Wouldn't you share this piece of hope with us?

 

[Dawns]

looking at your post history it is obvious you are a prolifer, maybe i can refer you to the recovery section of this forum?

 

[Letgo]

Thought so too...

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yeah I'm suicidal and struggling with life every single day. If you knew about the scope of my suffering, you wouldn't have asked this pretentious question. Do you really think I live a good life? What do you think, how it feels to be trans in this world? Do you understand the horrors of BPD? Can you even fathom how life feels like when you self-isolate for years due to social anxiety? I don't think so, I don't think you understand any of this. And you certainly don't understand the nightmare I go through every single day and night. You have no idea what it means to suffer, obviously. If you did, you would understand why people use this forum and why we're not the bad guys. Why people voluntarily make an account here, it's because people like you who are dismissive of the pain and struggles of vulnerable people so they have no choice to use this forum to give their pain a voice, to find honest and sincere support and to find important ressources. You're the embodiment of this horrible society that doesn't give a shit about suicidal people. And you have oviously no idea to what degree suicidal people are mistreated in this world.

Look. I've been suffering from chronic depression my entire life, okay and that's just one of the many things that drive me to the edge every single day. I'm a part of this community, I know how it feels to suffer in silence, from conditions that have no cure and mediocre treatment at best that barely make life endurable in the first place. I don't just want to live just to suffer every single day, okay. That's not a good life. Why should I be here if I can't enjoy life to the fullest extend. If it just brings misery and pain every single day. I wasn't born into this world just to somehow survive, okay. But that's what society wants me to do, live so I can suffer, stay around just to be miserable. Does that sound like a compassionate approach to suffering people?

And if you read my posts and didn't just jump to conclusions right away, you would know all of that. You would know about my struggles because I've talked about them in great lengths in this forum, I've been a regular member of this forum for two years before I became a moderator. I'm not exactly secretive about my struggles and the people here know about the extend of my suffering. I tried to end it in 2019 and I've documented that in a thread in this forum, odd hm. That was before I was a moderator. How would you know, right? I have to be the bad guy to run a community like this, I couldn't possibly suffer myself. That's how it works, it always worked like that, demonizing and dehumanizing people who are suffering because being pro-choice means you have to be a bad person that's get some horrible, sadistic enjoyment out of this. That's the narrative of every single article about this forum and it seems that's how you've done your research.

The truth is, if it wasn't for this forum, I would probably be gone now. One or way or another. The community kept me alive back then when I was just a regular member and I'm incredibly thankful for that and right now I'm still here because that's the only way this community can exist, okay. The existence of this forum is tied to my existence. And that's the only reason why I'm still around today, what do you think what would happen to this forum and this community if I disappeared? So yeah, you can thank the NYT that I'm still alive today and the admin of this forum, they essentially put me in this position. And releasing that article back 2021, which made the founders leave this forum, was the biggest mistake because ever because it ruined every chance of pro-lifers to take this forum down. I'm not going anywhere, okay and I'm more dedicated than ever to keep this forum going - even if it's just to spite these motherfuckers who tried to hard to tear down this community. It's personal because messing with this community that means so much to me was a big mistake. So no matter what happens, I'll stay here to the very end. You know, I don't have a problem prolonging my suffering if it means this forum stays online, if it means the only pro-choice community on the internet can continue to exist. What do you think, how much I desire to rest? After all these years? How much I long for death. I simply put the needs of this community above mine and I'm completely fine with that. There you go, that's the answer to your question, why I'm still alive. Deal with it, asshole.

 

[Georg]

I think it's ok to still have some hope left and having an account here. You can talk freely about methods and then get the stuff you need for your picked method. When life keeps going downhill you can then ctb and everything is perfectly planed.

 

[FuneralCry]

The original post is just a stupid troll post. Either it's someone completely insane or they are just a bored kid desperate for attention, I don't care. But anyway it's tiresome.

 

[Aisley]

Oooooh, someone's gonna save someone's life today. What a fucking hero. Shoulda paid attention back when it mattered, and it's too late now? God, these people never go through their own homes and look for it there. No, it had to be this place that did it. Just a little introspection could change so many people, but they can't do it. It's too painful, too scary.

 

[SilentSadness]

It's miserable that people come here just to insult the members on this site, leave it alone if you hate it so much. Also, no one is obliged to ctb.

 

[rose-petal]

I have a question for the admins of this site, especially this one who joined in 2018 and he's still active today. Why are you still alive? Are you even suicidal? I mean, how did you survive all these years? And how does it feel to run a "safe place" where people are told that killing themselves is ok when you don't even do it yourself? I mean, if you're still alive, doesn't it mean that there's actual hope? Wouldn't you share this piece of hope with us?

Where else would we find a forum that actually understands? Everyone around us is just so hell bent on censorship that this place is a way to connect with people who truly want solace. Nobody tells anyone to kill themselves, people just don't shove the suicide hotlines up their faces bc let's face it- it's fucking useless and nobody does shit there. People just relate and create a place where there's no judgement whatsoever. If you're unhappy with this page, you don't have to contribute anything to it. Read, then go and do something more worth your time.

 

[EmmaD]

The stupidest thing I ever see is pro-lifers separating mods/admins from members, in their flawed logic.
They think it's ok to call the admins names, blame everything on them, say they hope they rot in hell etc.. but they don't seem to realise THE ADMINS ARE MEMBERS TOO!!! With exactly the same issues and suicidal feelings and mental/ physical issues that a lot of us have!
They are not good guys and bad guys on SS!! There aren't victims and predators. There are just people suffering! And supporting one another! That is all.

 

[Valky]

The stupidest thing I ever see is pro-lifers separating mods/admins from members, in their flawed logic.
They think it's ok to call the admins names, blame everything on them, say they hope they rot in hell etc.. but they don't seem to realise THE ADMINS ARE MEMBERS TOO!!! With exactly the same issues and suicidal feelings and mental/ physical issues that a lot of us have!
They are not good guys and bad guys on SS!! There aren't victims and predators. There are just people suffering! And supporting one another! That is all.

I Said That to them too. 'If rain wasn't the admin someone else would be and so on and so on, would you insult all of these people too?'

Yes, they definitely would. Claiming, wanting to take down a suicide forum by trying to push the admin and mods into killing themselves, to prove that they are not just some predators, who enjoy others people's deaths. Good fucking job pro-lifers.

Because invalidating the suffering of others is definitely the way. These mindsets are the problem, not ours. Again, blame the causer, not the cause.

Also, I am sorry Rain, That you felt the need to explain yourself. I really wish people could see and understand your reasoning. You are human, just like the rest of us.
This might sound incredibly selfish, but thank you, for still being here and putting your heart and soul into this community everyday.

You are a great person and we all appreciate you <3

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I don't get why people insult older members of the site questioning if they're suicidal. Doesn't that just incite suicide or imply that they should of died if they're a long time member?

It's tiresome that the only incitements of suicide come from "pro-lifers" to get rid of members. Personally speaking if this was directed at me I'd take it as encouragement that I had to "prove" my suicidal ideation by attempting. I'm working on not taking it personally but it's just tiresome. Am I the only one who sees the irony?

 

[unnormal9]

Why are you still alive? Are you even suicidal?

Damn, I'm not Rain and I felt that. Like geez.

The original post is just a stupid troll post. Either it's someone completely insane or they are just a bored kid desperate for attention, I don't care. But anyway it's tiresome.

Oh— I saw it in the pinned response video thread, last post. Every now and then, one Tanamojo-cruel whatever his name is doppel comes marching in.

 

[Valky]

Yeah. This person has created multiple accounts. Probably some bored troll who wants attention.

Ahh, I think I know this one then :)

Definitely a really bored attention seeker. Pathetic, but nothing new.

 

[PurpleParadigm]

I love the logic here. On one hand how dare we supposedly push people to CTB, but on the other they want to push us to CTB.

The reason why I am still here, and haven't offed myself two years ago when it first became apparent that I can't function on a level I must be because of years of untreated depression and ADHD. There have been studies that likened the mental decline caused by this to early onset dementia. I can absolutely feel that now.

This forum has helped me learn how to cope with being suicidal, what it truly means to take your life. I have learnt how to do it safely, with my affairs settled. Knowing those things, I have found ways to cope with the discomfort caused by my mind, my disabled body, with having had to flee my country, seeing my family threatened, the unjust and cruel war my country has started as well as having to scramble to get my loved ones to safety as their existence was under threat simply for being against it. It has been a pretty tough few years. I am suicidal, but I am alive still because of this community. Hopefully others can relate.