Why are you still alive?

[PI3.14]

For me, it's cus of my family. If I CTB, they will never be the same. In fact, some of them will probably get severely depressed for life.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Because Im still searching for an effective method unlikely to leave me alive

In my case, I hope my family have to spend the rest of their miserable lives on this earth being wracked by guilt and sorrow. It will be the first time they feel either in their lives.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

Your question is interesting. For a moment we are forced to answer mentally as soon as we read it. I don't think there is a single reason, so I will choose just one: because I have not initiated my exit. We know that nothing can stop us if we want to exit from existence. Nothing, except SI.

 

[777cave]

I won't have the means for 3 more months.

 

[wham311]

Simply because I

Can't shoot myself in the mouth
Stomach doesn't work right for sn
Don't trust co
I'm not jumping off a building
Id love to just take a bunch of pills but that doesn't work
I can't find an anchor point or find carotid for hanging

 

[Wolf Girl]

1. Poor planning
2. Guilt from imagining my mom's reaction
3. Curiousity/FOMO (what if something interesting happens and I miss it?)

 

[MidnightCat]

Pretty much for my loved ones.

If someone's gonna suffer... Better be me.

I've always thought when you ctb sadness doesn't disappear, it just passes along to those who stay here.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

because they made every guaranteed suicide method like me hiring someone to help me with my suicide a crime . like for example me hiring someone else to shoot me 10 times in the head which is guaranteed they made that a crime and suicide booths, Nembutal etc they made all into crimes.

fear of me failing a suicide attempt and remaining alive with even more brain damage and or more physical damage

 

[starboy2k]

i was too much of a pussy for partial hanging
im too broke for sn
yea thats it

 

[failedmind]

for my mom. also because im honestly scared

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Cause i dont have a good anchor point for hanging, dont have access to SN and dont have access to a tall enough building to jump from

 

[Willowherb]

Cowardice and guilt

Some part of me still wants to live
But oh do I despise it
No idea if it's SI or an actual desire to keep going cause as of now everything feels pretty pointless

 

[Doll Steak]

I feel like I want to keep going cause its pointless anyway, but at the same time that pointlessness drives me to suicide as well.

 

[Fall_Apart]

Because I have some family issues to deal with and I could never do CTB knowing that their fate would be a disaster without my help. But that means living like on death row, knowing that you will die soon, but not knowing when.

 

[secretghost]

More or less the same. Although I've recently felt that for me this may not actually be as true as I worried. Though it's still my main reason, and such a strong reason that I have to wrestle with it, lately. wishing you love it's difficult to feel such a burden

 

[Dejected 55]

No good reason really. If I'm truly honest, I wish I didn't have to die. It's just that given my life so far and what's coming in the immediate future for me, there is nothing left to live for but more pain and misery. So, I feel like my hand is a bit forced, by my situation and my life experience. At the same time, I'm trying to hold out as long as I can put up with the misery and the money holds out... just in case of a miracle. A miracle I in no way believe could ever happen nor have any real hope that it will happen... but just in case. That's the only reason I'm here.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

For me, it's cus of my family. If I CTB, they will never be the same. In fact, some of them will probably get severely depressed for life.

Cus I'm in love. :p

 

[Busridin'26]

Honestly im not even sure anymore. Atm its bc I do not have a method or planned out method. & ig I would like to live but with all my issues feel like im not sure I can anymore.

 

[GeoLavender23]

Scared to do it and I'm still young but I'm as scared about aging

 

[sanction]

Simply because the CTB methods that are accessible to me, all are difficult to go through

That is the only reason I'm still here. Otherwise would of been gone long time ago

 

[skeptikus]

I feel like I want to keep going cause its pointless anyway, but at the same time that pointlessness drives me to suicide as well.

Same. Whenever I rant with my bestfriend, I always come to the same conclusion—that life is full of ups and downs, and what's the point of it all anyway? I am down right now, then I will be up tomorrow. I'm just so tired of it all, especially the downs.

My bestfriend then tells me that THAT is precisely what life is: the ups and downs. You can't have ups without the downs. Sounds wise, philosophical, even comforting, but I'm just tired of it all. I just wanna lay in bed forever.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

Mostly guilt from seeing my parents who have been amazing and the best people i know and still dissapointing them in the most crucial thing and the lack of a of accessibility of the method i want to do (firearm).

 

[LostHighway]

I had hope for a therapy for my health issues, but it didn't work. Now, I'm looking for an out again. I spend half my time looking for insomnia and Long Covid cures and the other half looking for videos on the nitrogen method. I want to live, but I can't live like THIS.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

My chronic suicidality has not yet had an episode that was acute enough to push me over the edge.

Part of me hopes I do eventually have that. My baseline is depressed and anxious. It's admittedly not bad enough a lot of the time that I can go on with my day and do other things, but I still have this feeling following me like a buzz or ringing in my ears that I can never quite get to go away no matter how many times I try to make it.

 

[roach]

I want to keep making things. Seeing other people happy when my ideas are put on paper, leaving my insignificant mark on the world, and expressing myself are all I'm living for anymore. Trying to please everyone is a sisyphean task.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't want to inflict the grief on my Dad. I also have a strong sense of obligation/ duty. Once I'm 'free' to go, I may linger on if I'm in the middle of a project. After that, there's a possibility that fear of an attempt, fear of failing may put me off but, hopefully I will overcome that.

 

[trencher]

For me, it's cus of my family. If I CTB, they will never be the same. In fact, some of them will probably get severely depressed for life.

Lack of a reliable method for me.

 

[stillvoices]

Haven't found a fool proof painless way yet. I'm not 50 until September so I can't get the book yet. But I told myself that if I'm not ok by my 50th birthday I'll get the book and hopefully find something in there. I had been doing better after I had a hysterectomy and was on ozempic but that only lasted for about 8 months.

I live with my sister and her husband and he is not nice to me. I tell my sister and she makes all kinds of excuses for him. I'm so sick of hearing it. Even taking a photo of what he did and still...he didn't mean it, he wasn't paying attention. Such b.s.

My therapist says I'm doing better, but I don't know if it's my acting skills or at times I'm better... maybe I'll get alzheimers (sp?) Then I'll never remember if I'm ok or not. Amnesia? That wouldn't be so bad if I could make myself try not to remember again.

 

[timechained]

Because I just can't seem to kill myself despite not wanting to be here anymore.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I'm still alive because I got my basic needs covered and my brain hasn't yet stopped functioning, either by accident or by my own hand. Nothing more.