Discussion Why are you here?

[spanishguy22]

I tried Xanax about six weeks ago. It didn't work.

Benzos are designed with suicidal people in mind. At best it makes you drowsy. At worst you don't die and have brain damage. Stay away from them to od

 

[LonelyLight]

After lurking, if thats the right word, for a little while I decided to make an account only yesterday actually. The people I've come across are so kind and understanding with no judgment, and thats the impression I've gotten from mostly just observing. Of course i also wanted to learn more about my preferred method to ctb. But how nice to have a community of people like what is here.

 

[PatKat]

After lurking, if thats the right word, for a little while I decided to make an account only yesterday actually. The people I've come across are so kind and understanding with no judgment, and thats the impression I've gotten from mostly just observing. Of course i also wanted to learn more about my preferred method to ctb. But how nice to have a community of people like what is here.

Welcome! You are safe here, everyone is nice and friendly, and most importantly non-judgemental. Admins/Mods do a great job making sure of that also. I am finally free to be myself is how I feel about it here.

 

[Midnight]

Yes to this.

I know that I will CTB one day I have no idea when it could just be an impulse one day. That is how I will go though. What was that saying about if at first you dont succeed try, try again or something like that?

Same here ... 2 years ago i started living life by the day. Future plans are long gone. I just make sure i can get arround financially enough to live a somewhat normal life but without the saving for the future. One day i'll find myself in a state where i can no longer take the suffering and i'll say goodbye to life. My mind finally at rest.

Btw chester (lp) made great music. Tbh i wasn't even surprised he stepped out of life considering the lyrics of his music. What he said in one of his last interviews i connected to greatly.

 

[andy69]

I found this site looking for information about partial hanging. I read a lot about the suicides Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, and decided that was the best for me. I tried to kill myself six weeks with a drug overdose. I ended up in the hospital. The end of my fifteen year relationship is the reason I want to die. I have had depression for twenty plus years.

I am planning on doing soon. At least before I turn fifty in October.

 

[PatKat]

Same here ... 2 years ago i started living life by the day. Future plans are long gone. I just make sure i can get arround financially enough to live a somewhat normal life but without the saving for the future. One day i'll find myself in a state where i can no longer take the suffering and i'll say goodbye to life. My mind finally at rest.

Day by day is the only way I can live if I think about the past I freak out and when I think about my future all I see is black and red for myself in the future. It is sad I will not even be missed when I am gone, but its refreshing knowing I wont effect anyone. We are always fighting a losing battle anyway from the moment we are born we begin to die. I think of it like this a fetus technically is a parasite it cannot live without the host and we are and start dying immediately I mean I am a parasite...

I found this site looking for information about partial hanging. I read a lot about the suicides Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, and decided that was the best for me. I tried to kill myself six weeks with a drug overdose. I ended up in the hospital. The end of my fifteen year relationship is the reason I want to die. I have had depression for twenty plus years.

I am planning on doing soon. At least before I turn fifty in October.

You should read about Chester Bennington also, I still think about Robin William's and watch his shows. So In a way I suppose they had an effect on me. Sorry about your lose and I hope the hospital wasnt too bad.

 

[thesongbird]

Because life is boring, repetitive, and cruel. The best possible thing I could do is to prevent more people from being born. But at the same time I am conflicted, as I also selfishly, in my context (As I, as stated previously, already believe I have a responsibility despite not asking for any of this), just want it all to end, even though that accomplishes nothing. I hope that interaction with this community, viewing of suicides and reading of pessemistic philosophy will further allow me to accomplish an end.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

I joined so I don't feel alone in the world. I feel like this site has a lot of like minded individuals who understand one another, and I like that.

 

[LastFlowers]

Supremely bad luck, genes, loss of youth, and poor decisions.
It astonishes me that a suicide board is where I would find the most respect and understanding for my reason to CTB. That said, "most" isn't that far a leap from the "nothing" I was receiving from the world outside of this board.
But still.

 

[Juggernaut]

Most people will not understand why I am so depressed that I am seriously considering suicide. My life has been less than ideal, I had a very abusive mother and a father who couldn't care less. They divorced when I was 11 and my mom became even more abusive. She used to hit me all the time. I went to school with welts, bruises, and black rings under my eyes from crying and lack of sleep. Back then teachers couldn't do much for kids, the one who tried to confront my mom almost lost her job. My mom admitted later that she was taking the divorce out on me and my sister. We would leave for school hours before because we had no money for the bus. My Junior high was over an hour away and my senior high school was an hour and a half walk. When we got home we were expected to wash any dishes, do all the laundry (including my moms) and have it folded, vaccum, cut the lawn, and clean up the house by the time my mom came home at 530pm. If the chores weren't done we got hit. Then we had our homework to get done and if I didn't finish my homework I got a beating for that as well. I wanted out of that world so much, I wished I could just run away but I had no money.

I often wonder if I would have been a better person if I had been raised better or was I destined to be who I am.

Upon graduation,I wanted to join the military but I had asthma and that kept me out. I tried for another field of work but at the time I had too little experience and was told to apply in a few years. I eventually got into a field of work I excelled at and progressed quickly through the ranks but it was a stepping stone for what I really wanted to do. I finally got my life headed in the right direction 6 years ago. I was in one of my dream jobs. Then last Dec the worst thing that could happen to me happened.

I think I made the worst decision of my life that day, I thought I was doing the right thing but I have questioned that decision every day since. I lost somebody who meant more to me than anyone or anything. I cant forgive myself and nobody understands the depth of guilt I feel. My heart broke in two that day and it has hurt every minute of every day since, I cry every day multiple times a day, I miss him so much.

I actually wake up every day cursing that I'm still alive. I go to sleep crying and I wake up crying. People tell me I did the right thing and it will get better but I wont, because its not just a loss it's a guilt. I dont live anymore, I exist and I hate every minute of it.

I try to be a good person, I follow the rules, I live an honest life, and work hard, and I feel like I'm being punished for that. Every time something good comes into my life it gets snatched away.

I've entered into a stage of depression I cant pull out of and I don't even want to. Life has given me the finger so many times I've just given up.

 

[riverstyx]

Try chaga mushrooms, reishi mushroom powder, and olive leaf powder. These are very good immunity boosters I use. Supposedly there are lots of stories about people waiting for operations and by the time they get to the date the tumors were reduced in size to near nothing after using the mushrooms for some time. Just be cognizant of potential liver damage from over use. (No better than other big pharma drugs)

Alex Trebek announced stage 4 pancreatic cancer and he is now almost close to saying he's in remission? Most doctors agree that's one of most deadly types and he's seeing really good results doing something. There is some hope in his story. I just wonder if his success is due to disproportionately better healthcare because of the size of his bank account.

I'm more of a medical science guy, but I'm trying to adjust my lifestyle a bit.

Being more physically active. Eating a bit more healthily.

I'm thinking that together with the standard treatments it can't hurt.

I would never forgoe surgery, radiotherapy, chemo and immunotherapy for natural remedies though.

 

[Nembutsu]

I've been chronically suicidal for almost 20 years now due to poor mental and physical health. I'm utterly disillusioned by and tired of the medical treatments I have received. At this point I'm seriously questioning if the treatments that have kept me alive and semi-functional have been worth the pain and humiliation I have experienced. My future looks pretty bleak and I'm not sure if I will ever have the motivation or the ability to improve my quality of life. Believe me I have tried, but my attempts haven't exactly been greatly successful.

The fact that every second takes me closer to liberation from this life is slightly comforting and there are ways to speed the process. Death will come eventually and I can always check out early if things get absolutely intolerable. They say life finds a way, but only for so long.

This forum seems to provide useful information and a sense of community seldom found elsewhere given the nature of the subject.

 

[FallenRose]

I'm here because I hated the way random people would tell me they care and that there's reasons to live when they don't know me at all. I was tired of them and the people in my personal life who would just brush over my feelings if I even had the courage to tell them. There's a nice balance here and the people are genuine, and more realistic and understanding since many of us have felt the same things.

 

[Laena Osiris]

This site has had a huge impact on me over the last week or so since I found it. Especially after lurking in the dregs of 8ch, I'm blown away by how respectful, supportive and non-judgemental everyone is on here. Thank you all. I've been researching ways to ctb numerous times over the last year, and only just came across this site. So much good information and people willing to help each other.

And so really that's why I came, for the information, and stayed for the chat. I've always struggled with my mental health but the last year has been new, epic realms of hell and I just don't think I can handle a life this intense. Though I'm not convinced what would come next would be any better... Thanks to all the people who make this place possible

 

[StillWaiting]

I came after seeing people posting about ss forum website after SS subreddit has been removed. Used to visit here everyday to read posts and realized that people share similar views.
I haven't found the energy to research on my method but I find comfort reading posts or replies from people here. It really helped me a lot. I used to actively think about ways to ctb but now I just feel so numb about everything.

 

[postmortem]

I'm here because I feel like I have nothing to contribute by being alive. In my country, mental illness is treated as something that people make up to seek attention, and being suicidal is an extension of that. This is the only safe place for me to remove the facade I wear of being "okay" and talk about how I feel.

 

[wanttodie]

to find a good way to end my life

 

[suffering]

I was here at first for practical reasons, to learn how to end it. Then, after the horrible traumatic discovery that my SI is too strong, I remained here for the empathy. Nobody from my acquaintances would understand me at this point. I'm a loner and a faker in real life, this place is the only place where I can take my mask off.
Fuck. I love you guys.

 

[WideAwake]

I'm here because I hated the way random people would tell me they care and that there's reasons to live when they don't know me at all. I was tired of them and the people in my personal life who would just brush over my feelings if I even had the courage to tell them. There's a nice balance here and the people are genuine, and more realistic and understanding since many of us have felt the same things.

A few years ago I would have been one of the people that told you to quit whining, walk it off, adapt and overcome. The reason would be that I spent 10 years in the military, and that is how we talked to each other. I became very coarse and callous. It is only very recently that I've become better able to understand what depressed people feel, because I'm feeling it myself. now.