Discussion Why are you guys suicidal.

[Nothing………………….]

I would like to make it clear that I am no longer suicidal however I also don't really care if you are. I generally don't think you should CTB but you're not here to get lectured. So that being said I'm not really on this site to actually CTB, but I find it interesting to hear about others experiences and discuss things like suicide that are typically seen as taboo. If anyone wants their reason for CTB to be challenged then I'll try my best as I can't think of a fully justifiable reason to CTB, but I won't do so if not directly asked.

TLDR: I'm not suicidal anymore, but I want to hear about your reasons for being suicidal yourself.

And if anyone's wondering my reasons for being suicidal were mostly about this one person that I was deeply in love with but I knew I never had a chance of dating, that as well as an overall lack of self esteem and way too much stress.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never understand people who don't think that suicide is a perfectly valid option in a world where there is unlimited potential to suffer so extremely and where we are only destined to be tortured by old age and die anyway. I would see it as being perfectly logical wanting to take control over my inevitable fate and prevent all future unnecessary harm caused by existing.

But in my case I want to die as to me existing is something so unappealing that could never be worth enduring, it's a completely futile and unnecessary struggle that certainly isn't for me in any way. I could never be delusional enough to wish to exist in this hellish world where there is no limit as to how unbearable existing can get, I see existence as being a cruel burden so unfairly forced on us that never needed to exist, we are slaves to the decaying flesh prison that is the human body and there is just no real relief from suffering as long as one exists here, we are trapped with our own thoughts in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything.

I certainly believe that it's always preferable to not exist, I see suicide as being self care as it solves all problems, I just have awareness that existing is a futile struggle with nothing to be gained by the process, there is no value in being trapped in this harmful world, I only see non existence as being ideal as it's the absence of everything, when death is perfection then I could never get why someone would prefer something so awful and meaningless as life. Life itself is the true problem which only death could solve for me.

 

[downndone2]

Threw away inheritance, marriage, relationships business, and a lot else during 6 mos of madness.

Now I'm alone. Anxious, depressed, sad, scarred, just miserable

 

[tynki]

bpd... was free of it from 2018 till 2 weeks ago.. mostly the fp/abandon thing that makes me suicidal.
Took me like 3 years to stop thinking about a girl, my mind was racing with toughts of her 24/7.. she liked me and i pushed her away.
lots of self punishment, one atempt that failed, etc etc.
The years i was off the hook it were kinda "ok" nothing good nothing bad just drifting away lying to myself that i was gettin better and that i could deal with life.
But 2 weeks ago i was clubing with a friend and a beautiful girl noticed me.. we ended up in her house.
I got instantly hooked.. now im suicidal. She is gone, and i dont blame her.
I dont want to go trough this again.

 

[outrider567]

Death of my longtime girlfriend --For 15 months I've been seemingly alive on the outside but I am really quite dead already on the inside

 

[letsalllovelain:3]

I was severely bullied throughout my entire childhood and a bit of teen years. I was coercially raped and molested. I'm autistic, which is one of the main reasons why it happened. I lived almost my entire life in a toxic environment in my households (I've never had my own home). I can't have long-term friendships. I keep fucking things up. I'm just genuinely tired.

 

[Bitterman1996]

lonely (in a sense that I have difficulty connecting with people) & no employment, dropped out of university and haven't tried anything worthwhile im tired

 

[tomoki]

I failed them all, my medical school, no friends or girlfriends and my family hates me. I've been locked alone in my apartment in the dark for over 4 months. no more projects, no more meaning, nothing more. I tried several times to improve myself to go up the slope but each time I failed. I only live in self-hatred, resentment and frustration at my state of depression. I'm guilty of everything that happens to me, I'm the caricature of human waste

 

[hopeless87]

I feel like a failure; I'm trying so much not to end up homeless. I feel like I'm up against systems that want me to fail.

 

[soolka]

i have failed everything ive done in my life and i have no motivation to keep going. my life cannot be improved much its already so damaged

 

[yourrealname]

got doxxed . And I m an awful person

 

[tatteredbone]

a mixture of mental and physical health issues, childhood trauma and the sort. I'm fucked up w my disorders mainly bpd and hallucinations, so I become manically suicidal as a way to "cope" and a "solution"

 

[Amaterasu]

A dysfunctional upbringing,
The realisation at a young age that I was always destined to be replaced and forgotten,
Emotional and sexual trauma,
Loneliness and self-hatred,
And of course; mental illness.

 

[Nothing………………….]

I never understand people who don't think that suicide is a perfectly valid option in a world where there is unlimited potential to suffer so extremely and where we are only destined to be tortured by old age and die anyway. I would see it as being perfectly logical wanting to take control over my inevitable fate and prevent all future unnecessary harm caused by existing.

But in my case I want to die as to me existing is something so unappealing that could never be worth enduring, it's a completely futile and unnecessary struggle that certainly isn't for me in any way. I could never be delusional enough to wish to exist in this hellish world where there is no limit as to how unbearable existing can get, I see existence as being a cruel burden so unfairly forced on us that never needed to exist, we are slaves to the decaying flesh prison that is the human body and there is just no real relief from suffering as long as one exists here, we are trapped with our own thoughts in a world where chance so cruelly determines everything.

I certainly believe that it's always preferable to not exist, I see suicide as being self care as it solves all problems, I just have awareness that existing is a futile struggle with nothing to be gained by the process, there is no value in being trapped in this harmful world, I only see non existence as being ideal as it's the absence of everything, when death is perfection then I could never get why someone would prefer something so awful and meaningless as life. Life itself is the true problem which only death could solve for me.

I apologise for replying as I said I wasn't going to in my original post, but this is so ridiculous that I can't not reply. I'm going to state that this is not an argument against suicide, this is an argument against you specifically and your reasoning, as I believe every other answer in this thread is valid (not justifiable but valid at least), unlike yours. Your only reason to CTB is that there is potential for suffering in life, at least that's all I can gather. However I can make the extremely easy counter that there is infinite potential for happiness in this world as well. What's the point of ceasing all potential for happiness in this world just because you could suffer. Going any further into my argument would get too close to the territory of discouraging suicide directly which I won't do unless you reply as that is not the purpose of my original post.

 

[wastingpotential]

horrendous instability all my life. in every aspect; financial, friendships, even romance i guess. i've never felt i could trust anyone because i'm always left behind or nobody cared about me enough. i'm always a second option but lately i haven't been one at all. my life just seems to get worse by day; gives me more reasons to be afterwards

 

[Catastrofe]

bpd... was free of it from 2018 till 2 weeks ago.. mostly the fp/abandon thing that makes me suicidal.
Took me like 3 years to stop thinking about a girl, my mind was racing with toughts of her 24/7.. she liked me and i pushed her away.
lots of self punishment, one atempt that failed, etc etc.
The years i was off the hook it were kinda "ok" nothing good nothing bad just drifting away lying to myself that i was gettin better and that i could deal with life.
But 2 weeks ago i was clubing with a friend and a beautiful girl noticed me.. we ended up in her house.
I got instantly hooked.. now im suicidal. She is gone, and i dont blame her.
I dont want to go trough this again.

I can relate to this, my story has more than something in common. I do really get the feeling of : please, not again.

I have developed obsessive thoughts about a guy, who I had an affair with but happened to be one of my dearest friends as well, and this is what make things so complicated - becuase I do not want to loose him, but I cannot handle the situation. Obsessive thoughts come from my feelings that I cannot handle, because there is too much love in every possible way. Suicidal thought come 1 - from my feelings of being trapped in something that is too much to me 2- from the "please, not again" part : usually guys show me they appreciate me as a person and as a woman but then they do not commit, so I went through being illuded and left muktiple times, 3 times with close friends that brought 1 time to keep the friendship but with a lot of pain involved, the second time loosing the friendship with all my other friends.

Sorry for the cinfused answer...

 

[Reallysad]

Threw away inheritance, marriage, relationships business, and a lot else during 6 mos of madness.

Now I'm alone. Anxious, depressed, sad, scarred, just miserable

I'm on the same boat except for the marriage and inheritance I know how you feel it's been 7months for me

 

[AloeGarten]

ive been severely socially anxious my whole life, to the point where i can barely function in society and cant function around other people, despite how much i wish i could. ofc depression and a general disinterest in life too, whats the point staying here if i basically cant enjoy anything, all life is anymore is escapism and distractions, and i have no hope of this ever improving, my life is literally empty, i feel like im an adult trapped in the mind of a lost, scared child. i dont think il ctb for a while but theres no doubt in my mind il do it someday

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Born wrong sex. Nothing but self hate and jealousy towards cis women occupy my mind these days.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I would like to make it clear that I am no longer suicidal however I also don't really care if you are. I generally don't think you should CTB but you're not here to get lectured. So that being said I'm not really on this site to actually CTB, but I find it interesting to hear about others experiences and discuss things like suicide that are typically seen as taboo. If anyone wants their reason for CTB to be challenged then I'll try my best as I can't think of a fully justifiable reason to CTB, but I won't do so if not directly asked.

TLDR: I'm not suicidal anymore, but I want to hear about your reasons for being suicidal yourself.

And if anyone's wondering my reasons for being suicidal were mostly about this one person that I was deeply in love with but I knew I never had a chance of dating, that as well as an overall lack of self esteem and way too much stress.

Hang on..... its fine if you are no longer suicidal. But dont come on this site amd go "i dont really care if you are" and then pretend like you're interested in hearing about our problems.

There is a whole section on this site for people like you. It's called the recovery section.

 

[FuneralCry]

I apologise for replying as I said I wasn't going to in my original post, but this is so ridiculous that I can't not reply. I'm going to state that this is not an argument against suicide, this is an argument against you specifically and your reasoning, as I believe every other answer in this thread is valid (not justifiable but valid at least), unlike yours. Your only reason to CTB is that there is potential for suffering in life, at least that's all I can gather. However I can make the extremely easy counter that there is infinite potential for happiness in this world as well. What's the point of ceasing all potential for happiness in this world just because you could suffer. Going any further into my argument would get too close to the territory of discouraging suicide directly which I won't do unless you reply as that is not the purpose of my original post.

No, clearly you don't understand. I want to die as existing is something futile, unappealing and it's just not for me, it's tiring just being conscious and aware. I don't want to age and be trapped in this decaying flesh prison just to suffer even more from health problems. All that is inevitable for humans is suffering, decay and loss anyway.

"Happiness" is just a delusion, as human beings are never satisfied. Life as a concept is centred around the fulfilment of needs, and an unmet need causes one to suffer more. And even there wasn't any extreme suffering all that would remain is emptiness, dissatisfaction and awareness of how futile everything is.

To me life is just a tragic, unnecessary consequence of evolution and there is nothing ridiculous about my views. You just sound like a pro natalist, somebody who brings life here because it's so "beautiful" to do so. And wanting to avoid all future suffering and harms is a valid enough reason for ctb on it's own anyway, I see life as being something very awful that is best avoided. To me personally it's always preferable to cease existing as the dead have no need or want for anything but I guess non suicidal life loving people will never understand this point of view. I hope you enjoy your "happiness".
And seriously it's insensitive to call other people's feelings ridiculous. Suicidal people come on this website to escape from that kind of hostility.

 

[Nothing………………….]

Hang on..... its fine if you are no longer suicidal. But dont come on this site amd go "i dont really care if you are" and then pretend like you're interested in hearing about our problems.

There is a whole section on this site for people like you. It's called the recovery section.

I am interested in hearing about your problems though. What I meant when I said I don't care is that I'm not going to lecture you on why suicide is inherently bad and you shouldn't CTB.

No, clearly you don't understand. I want to die as existing is something futile, unappealing and it's just not for me, it's tiring just being conscious and aware. I don't want to age and be trapped in this decaying flesh prison just to suffer even more from health problems. All that is inevitable for humans is suffering, decay and loss anyway.

"Happiness" is just a delusion, as human beings are never satisfied. Life as a concept is centred around the fulfilment of needs, and an unmet need causes one to suffer more. And even there wasn't any extreme suffering all that would remain is emptiness, dissatisfaction and awareness of how futile everything is.

To me life is just a tragic, unnecessary consequence of evolution and there is nothing ridiculous about my views. You just sound like a pro natalist, somebody who brings life here because it's so "beautiful" to do so. And wanting to avoid all future suffering and harms is a valid enough reason for ctb on it's own anyway, I see life as being something very awful that is best avoided. To me personally it's always preferable to cease existing as the dead have no need or want for anything but I guess non suicidal life loving people will never understand this point of view. I hope you enjoy your "happiness".
And seriously it's insensitive to call other people's feelings ridiculous. Suicidal people come on this website to escape from that kind of hostility.

I apologise for calling your argument ridiculous. I did so because if happiness is a factor then your argument doesn't really hold up at all, but if you genuinely don't experience happiness then that changes things a lot, and I wouldn't have called your argument ridiculous. As much as I want to keep talking about this with you as you have completely opposing views to me and are very interesting to talk to (and yes, I do still have some points I could make that I suspect you may agree with) I won't keep talking if you don't want to.

 

[Leagueofgentlemen]

Alcohol withdrawal and an inner ear infection scrambled my brain and now I'm a shell of my old self. I'm stuck at home unable to work, travel far or have a social life. I get severe pressure in my head and feel like I'm bobbing and shifting up and down every waking second and I have no energy to go anywhere plus tinnitus. Even neurologists aren't sure what is actually going on. I can't read or watch TV or do anything visual as it makes it worse and no medicine has touched it as it's not blood vessel related. I've not been able to ride horses for years, my biggest passion has been snatched away by my own weakness and stupidity. I look at other people enjoying life and get so jealous. I wouldn't dream of even self harming if I was physically well, it's just not a liveable disease.

 

[unplug]

Sometimes I don't even know why I am, it's just there.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Not everyone can be happy with life, or get to a point where life is great for them. At best, some people are able to "cope". Unfortunately, that doesn't make being a wage slave and growing old and decrepit worth it when death will come anyways.

Those that are happy with their lives and can live a happy life should continue to live if they should choose. But why should other people be forced to cope? All because a chance of experiencing a little bit content? This site promotes pro-choice, which entails the beholder of their own life to decide if it is worth living. It is not your place nor job to decide if other people's lives are worth living.

 

[EmmaD]

Because I've lived enough and it's not working.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Bipolar Disorder plays a lot into it. The lack of adequate behavioral healthcare available. Been battling suicidal depression for most of my life and I don't want to keep going anymore. That mixed with SA and transitioning is a pretty shit tier combination

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm suicidal because of an overall "doneness" with life. I'm done competing for nothing. I'm done with hollow, superficial relationships that lead nowhere. I'm done trying to "make it" in a warped, rigged system designed to keep the majority in squalor and misery. I'm done being hired and fired the same day. I'm done with food banks. I'm done with needing help. I'm done with feeling like I'm "humaning" wrong. I'm done with living paycheck to paycheck. I'm done with declining physical health. I'm done with the 'curveballs' of life. I'm done hoping. I'm done dreaming of a life that can never be for me. I'm done working chasing a future that doesn't exist. I'm done being betrayed and lied to. I'm done owing money to businesses. I'm done fighting stupid human abstractions and creations like race, religion, and politics. I'm done with social hierarchy. I'm done with being sexually attracted to women who don't see me that way. I'm done with being tormented by the memories of my past.

I'm just done.

 

[goodbye_._]

Well the list is long but..
It's starts off with my dad abusing me and then leaving me because everyone started to realized what was going on and it got to hard for him. Being bullied for a lot of my life. Being sexually harassed and assaulted by the only guy at the time I could trust with the shit in my life. Then when I was very depressed and attempted I was sent to a treatment centre that would treat me horribly for about a year in total. I came for 3 months left and came back for another 9 against my will. And after all that I got covid and developed long covid and am now chronically ill. So not only do I suffer with a lot of mental pain but now I wake up in physical pain everyday too and I can't do some stuff I used to like. Im 18 (where I live you graduate at 16-17) and still can't finish high school. And trying to find a job is difficult, so I'm not even employed or in school right now. There is a few more small things but this would get a lot longer if I put them.

 

[Zegers]

Non-curable disability, amongst other things.