Discussion why are u / aren't u writing an exit note?

[fantasy_function]

i've entertained the notion 4 a bit but decided not 2. personally, i'm leaving smth else in place of 1, and outside of that smth i don't have much left 2 say. if u are writing a note -- why? are u writing it 4 urself? 4 someone else? do u feel the need 2 come clean about smth? are u writing it 2 explain ur decision or 2 make a separate point? if u are not writing a note--why not? are u leaving smth else instead? would u rather not explain ur decision? would u rather go quietly? do u just not see a point 4 urself in writing 1?

 

[mathieu]

I don't know if I will. There doesn't really need to be any explanation. I might just say sorry.

 

[PrettyMoose]

I'm thinking of sending delayed text messages to family to let them know of my death after the fact, and I might leave some pages with my favorite quotes. I don't feel the need to explain my reasons in my own words because I've already said that over and over and no one in my family really listens or takes me seriously. If they don't understand me in life then I don't expect them to understand me in death either. At most I might just write "Free from this bullshit world" or something.

 

[nerve]

I'd like to leave behind as few unanswered questions as I can for the people who still care about me. Just let them know I'm not angry, I don't blame anyone, I have lots of good memories to look back on, and I was in a lot of pain and now I'm not.

Writing letters brings a measure of emotional closure too. Like at least one of us has a chance to say goodbye.

 

[itsallover]

Hell no. If you mess up and survive it ends up in the wrong hands and its your ticket to the psych ward where you're just a number.

 

[muffin222]

I would write a note because I don't want anyone to blame themselves

 

[Meowkin]

I won't be because I have nothing to say. If they didn't listen to me when I was alive, I wouldn't put it past them to ignore me when I'm dead. I'd rather not waste ink, paper and effort on a useless endeavour.

 

[Ardesevent]

I'm not going to write one. I absolutely hate everything I write, and it'll send me straight to the psych ward if I fail. No one really cares about me anyway, so it's just not worth the hassle.

 

[GoBack]

No way. There's too much to say and nothing to say at the same time

 

[Despondent]

To clear things up -- I would hate for those that I love to live with some kind of unnecessary burden

 

[Red]

It's such a hard one - I've tried to write them over and over but they always seem either too kind and gentle to be authentic, or really bitter and whiny when you try to let it out lol almost impossible to get the tone right, not managed it yet :(
Big motivator not to bother though, as others have said it's just perfect evidence to get you sectioned/on psych ward! Same reason I don't keep a diary...
Reckon for a lot of us it should be pretty bloody obvious why we've chosen to CTB - if not, they either didn't pay enough attention in the first place or were kept out of the loop. So either they don't deserve to know or were never allowed to. Why tell them after if you couldn't tell them before?

 

[youonlydieonce]

I'm not going to write one. I don't want people to know its a suicide, especially my loved ones because I think it would cause them more pain then if they thought it was from natural causes.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I've wrote a fairly detailed letter that I've titled as "Nepenthe" that includes the many reasons why I will no longer remain in existence, instead I will become the nourishment for new life as all things carbon do. I've withered away with the inablity to ever recover. My life is ultimately meaningless now. There is no way I'll be able to satisfy myself being born into the wrong body, or the fact that long term abuse has painted an image of myself that I am not happy with identifying with. My chronic pain, in addition to my chronic mental health pain, has built enough heat to melt the lead walls surrounding myself. It is truly unbearable. Hopefully, when my time comes, I'll publish this note. I've been meaning to finalize a website that I can keep up as a digital memorial for my family. i know they'll suffer, as much as my own very existence too.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

All my life what little family I have, has never given me any closure about many issues, I'm not going to give them any.

Thanks for all the fish, is all they are getting from me.

 

[Red]

I've wrote a fairly detailed letter that I've titled as "Nepenthe" that includes the many reasons why I will no longer remain in existence, instead I will become the nourishment for new life as all things carbon do. I've withered away with the inablity to ever recover. My life is ultimately meaningless now. There is no way I'll be able to satisfy myself being born into the wrong body, or the fact that long term abuse has painted an image of myself that I am not happy with identifying with. My chronic pain, in addition to my chronic mental health pain, has built enough heat to melt the lead walls surrounding myself. It is truly unbearable. Hopefully, when my time comes, I'll publish this note. I've been meaning to finalize a website that I can keep up as a digital memorial for my family. i know they'll suffer, as much as my own very existence too.

you trans? My son is and has struggled greatly with feeling like a boy in a girl body, so have at least second hand experience of that if not first. It's hard to get referred to the right places!

 

[your pathologist]

I feel like notes are for others.
The ones ive lost connection to
The ones ive felt dont understand in the long run. How can you comfort anyone that wants you to live a life they don't understand

 

[HelensNepenthe]

you trans? My son is and has struggled greatly with feeling like a boy in a girl body, so have at least second hand experience of that if not first. It's hard to get referred to the right places!

I wouldn't deem anything about me as trans. I openly do not go around online or in-person asking for anyone to use she/her pronouns or they/them pronouns. I'm still a dude. I look like a dude too. Yet I feel dysphoric almost all the time. Ultimately, I would never be satisfied with any transition. AFABs who transition to male have a lot easier time visually fitting in as male. Yet AMAB's who transition to female often have problems that only surgery can fix. HRT simply won't get rid of what testosterone has long-term done on your body. Sometimes surgery cannot fix these problems. This is in no way saying that transitioning FtM does not have any struggles or problems either. Of course transitioning does not happen in the course of a night. Some bodies are better equipped than others. Some people handle their appearances in ways better than I could. Others will comment that transitioning is not a race. Those comments are valid.

It is better in my case to endure being male than transition in which I'd feel more miserable about.

 

[Red]

I wouldn't deem anything about me as trans. I openly do not go around online or in-person asking for anyone to use she/her pronouns or they/them pronouns. I'm still a dude. I look like a dude too. Yet I feel dysphoric almost all the time. Ultimately, I would never be satisfied with any transition. AFABs who transition to male have a lot easier time visually fitting in as male. Yet AMAB's who transition to female often have problems that only surgery can fix. HRT simply won't get rid of what testosterone has long-term done on your body. Sometimes surgery cannot fix these problems. This is in no way saying that transitioning FtM does not have any struggles or problems either. Of course transitioning does not happen in the course of a night. Some bodies are better equipped than others. Some people handle their appearances in ways better than I could. Others will comment that transitioning is not a race. Those comments are valid.

It is better in my case to endure being male than transition in which I'd feel more miserable about.

Sounds so awful for you, I'm so sorry

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Sounds so awful for you, I'm so sorry

It's miserable. Perhaps if I got to the point where I could feel comfortable medically transitioning, their is also a social transition that is also as much of a problem. Socialization is hard to unlearn. Transwomen often stereotype the other sex behavior. Even if I were to pass, anyone could recognize I'm not a natal woman. How I act, smell, sound, and lastly appearance. I may catch flack for this. There are really obnoxiously vocal transwomen online in communities where they totally act like their former selves. It intoxicates a very negative perception of transwomen who are just wanting to go by in normal day-by-day living. Gender critics / second waver feminists often use this to spout really shitty "points" about us.

Any form of pride has been ruined for me, too. Commercialization of gays has triggered rage. 'Pride' has become more about exclusion than inclusion. There are vocal bullies (who were once victims) who shamefully tell people that "if you're not walking with us, you're against us" mob mentality. Received this shit when I wasn't walking down at a pride parade.

Thanks for the chat, by the way. Perhaps some of this may shed some light with how you interact with your daughter (?). It certainly isn't easy for anyone suffering with this insurmountable emotional pain.

 

[Red]

But we all catch flack for everything we do lol some knob is always going to disagree with what you're doing with your life, how you dress, what your principles are... haters gotta hate. Fuck 'em. You're not defined by the rest of, or ANY of, that community.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I would write a note because I don't want anyone to blame themselves

I fear that might be impossible.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I just have nothing to say and nobody I think would want to read it. I've been trying to explain what the problem is to people for a long time. If they didn't listen to me in person I doubt a note will get much through to them

 

[Red]

Thanks for all the fish, is all they are getting from me.

Loving the DA :D

 

[Woodnote]

I'm writing a note to make sure my family doesn't blame themselves.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It would be just one more crazy-making and fruitless effort to get through when it's always been impossible to get through.

 

[BigLucs]

I already wrote one in August and my parents found it and sent me to a mental hospital so suffice to say I'm not going to be risking that again. They had their chance for me to do this nicely.

 

[braketimez]

I am because one question I've always had when someone close to me dies is, "I just want to know what their last thoughts were".

I want to be able to answer that question for whoever knows me.

 

[itsamadworld]

No way. There's too much to say and nothing to say at the same time

This is where I'm mainly at. I thought about it, then I thought, maybe I'd rather created something online, like on facebook, or just open up a dating profile and shock people with my suicide letter..... THen I worry what if they investigate the suicide, or broadcast it, and this site, or my method of SN gets more public exposure cuz people could take interest?Idk?...i don't want to mess it up for anyone else.....so i'm starting to think just my suicide -might be word enough....

 

[SpottedPanda]

I've already written one, with a cover note for whoever finds the body, on a notebook that has 'Read Me' written on the front in big letters.

I just want to offer a moment of solace to my closest relatives, let them know that I go without bitterness or sadness. I want to apologise for the hurt they're experiencing, while offering a glimmer of reassurance that I go in peace.

I keep the book with me. Nobody will see it until it's time. I felt genuinely deep and sentimental emotion when writing it. It's only a couple of short pages. I wasn't planning to write one, until I realised that I probably did truly have the conviction to end it. Then I couldn't see myself leaving without a word.

 

[Bct]

I'll schedule social media posts to say it's nobody's fault & I already made a choice to CTB.

I don't think I would put a written note since my handwriting is horrible. People who read it will summon satan instead of understand why I CTB, LOL.