Why are people who kill themselves judged so harshly by the non-suicidal?

[V0latile]

Also, how do I stop caring about being judged so harshly if I decide to ctb? It's a big part of why I'm still alive. I hate people I know not understanding exactly why I may ctb and expecting no judgement.

 

[Jean4]

My opinion. Unless you are sleeping with the person or if they are paying your bills, why do you care what strangers think about you?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

That's because they are not in our shoes.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're feeling both suicidal and harshly judged, and misunderstood as well. Are these people who judge you in your daily life as well? Who appointed them?

Other people are only other people. They don't have any special insights that make their opinions more meaningful than yours. Quite the opposite in most cases.

(((Hugs)))

 

[OneBigBlur]

They are privileged, that's why. It's an exercise in futility to try and make normal people understand, much less ones that don't actually care about your situation.

 

[R_N]

Because they were never in your shoes.

 

[Flume]

You can't control what others think or feel. Trust me I've fucknig tried... at some point you just have to let go. I know, that I'll be called sick in the head when I leave. I know, that people will be mad and put all the blame on me... a dead guy that has nothing to say anymore, literally completely defenseless. But what can I do about it? Nothing... so I don't, I don't do anything. I just try to accept the fact that I'll be misunderstood till the grave. And this is not easy... but what else is it I can do.

 

[LMLN]

People don't understand until they have been there. I never did understand until recently. Now I know and feel so bad that I was not able to have the compassion for others I should have.
They simply will not understand so I think its pointless to try.
When people judge others I think it's out of ignorance and maybe fear. It's easier to just call somebody a bad person than go deeper to understand. What's uncovered can be too scary for some people

 

[TAW122]

Many answers and replies are good, and also I would like to add that religious influence and bias shapes the non-suicidal's opinions and thinking.

@LMLN mentioned a good point, probably most non-suicidal people "don't want to understand" and rather be ignorant as a way of coping with their reality. In their eyes "if I don't know about it, then it isn't a problem", in other words, out of sight out of mind.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

Also, how do I stop caring about being judged so harshly if I decide to ctb? It's a big part of why I'm still alive. I hate people I know not understanding exactly why I may ctb and expecting no judgement.

They are not broken, they didn't feel such a pain. That's why they see it as an attention seeking or something like that.
I'm really afraid of failing and end up in a hospital. Nurses and doctors are extremly mean and cold against suicidal people. My last failed attempt was traumatic because of the time I spent in the hospital. Nurses were whispering to each other and despising me. One of the nurses even threatened me... It was horrible.

 

[DeepSleep]

Also, how do I stop caring about being judged so harshly if I decide to ctb? It's a big part of why I'm still alive. I hate people I know not understanding exactly why I may ctb and expecting no judgement.

Treat all events around you as pure randomness. One clueless random person put his penis inside another clueless person's vagina and X years later here you are on this forum.
How can you expect a horde of random people to understand what you're feeling? They got no clue but they have opinions and judgements. It's worth zero dollars zero cents to me.

At least, that's how I see the world today.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Because the fact someone killed themselves means life isn't inherently good or enjoyable, which sounds frightening to the non-suicidal. They've most likely never felt that pain and had relatively good lives so far, so they choose to ignore suffering and pain of others to stay safe in their happy little bubble, therefore deeming the act of suicide as "cowardly", "selfish", "wrong" and other negative adjectives. Basically a coping mechanism.

 

[Neurodamaged2]

This is harsh but it's how human nature is: People are naturally wired to hate perceived 'weakness' - laziness, mentally ill, etc. Most people have a veneer of niceness but that only goes for others who are as functional as them. Look at how much people hate drug addicts even though they'd be the exact same if they were exposed to said drugs regularly for some period. People hate burdens too. It's natural selection, better to 'ostracize' the weak from the group than let that keep the group down or - worse - pass those genes onto the gene pool.

 

[a_strange_day]

They can judge me as harshly as they want, I win. Suicide is absolute power, you didn't play by the rules but still they won't be able to punish you, it scares them.

 

[Return2Dust]

They are not broken, they didn't feel such a pain. That's why they see it as an attention seeking or something like that.
I'm really afraid of failing and end up in a hospital. Nurses and doctors are extremly mean and cold against suicidal people. My last failed attempt was traumatic because of the time I spent in the hospital. Nurses were whispering to each other and despising me. One of the nurses even threatened me... It was horrible.

These nurses and doctors don't belong in their profession. Why work with suicidal patients having so much disdain for them? Humans with zero empathy...if you can call them humans. Geez!

 

[BlueWidow]

These nurses and doctors don't belong in their profession. Why work with suicidal patients having so much disdain for them? Humans with zero empathy...if you can call them humans. Geez!

I completely agree. I've never been in the hospital for an eating disorder, but I've heard that on many eating disorder wards, all of the overweight nurses purposely humiliate the patients because they're jealous of how thin they are.
Could you imagine if they were treating people with cancer or heart disease or physical challenges this way? There would be a national uproar about it.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Because the fact someone killed themselves means life isn't inherently good or enjoyable, which sounds frightening to the non-suicidal. They've most likely never felt that pain and had relatively good lives so far, so they choose to ignore suffering and pain of others to stay safe in their happy little bubble, therefore deeming the act of suicide as "cowardly", "selfish", "wrong" and other negative adjectives. Basically a coping mechanism.

I think you nailed it

 

[Return2Dust]

I completely agree. I've never been in the hospital for an eating disorder, but I've heard that on many eating disorder wards, all of the overweight nurses purposely humiliate the patients because they're jealous of how thin they are.
Could you imagine if they were treating people with cancer or heart disease or physical challenges this way? There would be a national uproar about it.

I can't believe nurses get away with this stuff. So upsetting!

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I rationalized away my care for other's reactions. I figure that if I'm dead I won't even know how people react anyway. Even if people react negatively, it's no big matter. Most all of us are forgotten with time anyway.

 

[BlueWidow]

Everyone here is making such great points!
All I can tell you is it just seems to be assumed that you're going to continue living no matter what because living is supposedly better than being dead, no matter what the circumstance. Even if you have zero quality-of-life, it's still considered better to be alive than to be dead. This concept is completely foreign to me. I don't see how people can think it's better to be alive, but unable to function, or to be trapped in a situation that you can't get out of for whatever reason, or to be living in any other kind of nightmare scenario. Under those type of circumstances, I don't see how people can say it's still better to be alive than not.
To me the quality of my life has always been much more important to me than the quantity. I would much rather live for one year and have the most wonderful life possible than to live for 50 years of a crappy life where you're struggling and so forth.
Are people really that afraid of death that they would rather live some horrible life instead of dying? I don't understand this fear of death. Fear of dying, perhaps. But once the dying part is over, I don't think there's really much to be afraid of. And the upside has always far outweighed the downside to me.
Look at all the things you won't have to deal with anymore after you're dead: no more bills, no more money worries, no more paying taxes, no more political BS (no matter which affiliation you are), no more dealing with people who think they're helping you and claim they're helping you—but they aren't, no more family issues or relationship problems, and so much more. No more dealing with all the little mundane BS issues of life! You can solve all of these problems and more with one single act! Now that is power!

I agree that that's why they dislike it so much. In one single act, you're basically giving the finger to all of humanity and this entire BS existence we call life. . . and you're taking their power away to control you. They're still stuck in their little humdrum lives being forced to deal with all the BS, while you are now free! You are now completely out of their reach and that pisses them off to no end.

a_strange_day had it right. They're pissed off because you didn't play by their rules, and you got away with it! There's nothing they can do to stop you once the act is done, no way for them to punish you for breaking their rules.
The ultimate act of power!

 

[ARW3N]

Everything a human being does in life is essentially a distraction from suffering and the inevitability of death. Suicide is an open acknowledgement that existence is suffering and the embrace of mortality. Humans don't like to be reminded of that fact despite one of their great religions, Buddhism, teaching them that life is suffering.

 

[BlueWidow]

Everything a human being does in life is essentially a distraction from suffering and the inevitability of death. Suicide is an open acknowledgement that existence is suffering and the embrace of mortality. Humans don't like to be reminded of that fact despite one of their great religions, Buddhism, teaching them that life is suffering.

Actually, don't pretty much all religions teach you that life is suffering in some form or another. And I believe they also teach that if you leave the game early, or don't accept your life as "a gift"— then you supposedly get punished in the afterlife, or you get reincarnated and forced to do the whole thing all over again. Personally, I don't buy any of that. I think it's just a bunch of stuff that people made up to force other people to stay here even though their lives are total shit.
I think people have the idea that if they have to stay here and suffer, then so should everybody else. No one is allowed to check out early no matter what the circumstance.
And of course, all of the good things in your life are because of God or Buddha or whoever, while all the bad things in your life are your own fault, or just whatever Deity you've chosen's way of " testing you". They supposedly never give you more than you can handle, but that hasn't been my personal experience. You can supposedly pray and they'll help you, but that hasn't been my personal experience. And if you feel they have given you too much to handle and you pray and your prayer isn't answered, that's your fault.
So in the end, they get the credit for all the good things, and all the bad things that happen you brought on yourself.

 

[ARW3N]

Actually, don't pretty much all religions teach you that life is suffering in some form or another. And I believe they also teach that if you leave the game early, or don't accept your life as "a gift"— then you supposedly get punished in the afterlife, or you get reincarnated and forced to do the whole thing all over again. Personally, I don't buy any of that. I think it's just a bunch of stuff that people made up to force other people to stay here even though their lives are total shit.
I think people have the idea that if they have to stay here and suffer, then so should everybody else. No one is allowed to check out early no matter what the circumstance.
And of course, all of the good things in your life are because of God or Buddha or whoever, while all the bad things in your life are your own fault, or just whatever Deity you've chosen's way of " testing you". They supposedly never give you more than you can handle, but that hasn't been my personal experience. You can supposedly pray and they'll help you, but that hasn't been my personal experience. And if you feel they have given you too much to handle and you pray and your prayer isn't answered, that's your fault.
So in the end, they get the credit for all the good things, and all the bad things that happen you brought on yourself.

Yes, you are absolutely right! I'm an atheist and buy the life is suffering part and the inevitability of death but not the rest of it - reincarnation, transmigration, heaven or hell. There's not one shred of evidence to prove the existence of an afterlife. A post-mortem existence is the least of my worries.

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes, you are absolutely right! I'm an atheist and buy the life is suffering part and the inevitability of death but not the rest of it - reincarnation, transmigration, heaven or hell. There's not one shred of evidence to prove the existence of an afterlife. A post-mortem existence is the least of my worries.

I've stated on here before that I don't really know what comes after, if anything. All I know is, whatever it is- whether it's something or nothing, it can't be any worse than here. No one can convince me that any other existence is worse than this one. I've always believed, if there is such a thing as hell, we are all in it right now. Some of it may be of our own creation, but much of it is just the trappings of being alive. To be alive is to be in hell. And I believe that even on my best day. . . Because in my experience, anything good that I get, must be paid for 100 times over by something horrible. That's how I knew the moment I allowed myself to become attached to my husband that he was doomed. I knew he would die sooner or later even if it took another 50 years. . . And I would be forced to sit and watch him suffer and die.
Meanwhile, I suffer but I don't die.
And I have friends who are spiritual, not religious but spiritual, who tell me that I chose for things to be this way before I got here. Why the hell would I have chosen this?!
Why would anyone?!

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've stated on here before that I don't really know what comes after, if anything. All I know is, whatever it is- whether it's something or nothing, it can't be any worse than here. No one can convince me that any other existence is worse than this one. I've always believed, if there is such a thing as hell, we are all in it right now. Some of it may be of our own creation, but much of it is just the trappings of being alive. To be alive is to be in hell. And I believe that even on my best day. . . Because in my experience, anything good that I get, must be paid for 100 times over by something horrible. That's how I knew the moment I allowed myself to become attached to my husband that he was doomed. I knew he would die sooner or later even if it took another 50 years. . . And I would be forced to sit and watch him suffer and die.
Meanwhile, I suffer but I don't die.
And I have friends who are spiritual, not religious but spiritual, who tell me that I chose for things to be this way before I got here. Why the hell would I have chosen this?!
Why would anyone?!

That's the thing. No one chose anything. Everything is out of our control. Our birth was out of our control. Our existence was out of our control.

 

[ARW3N]

I've stated on here before that I don't really know what comes after, if anything. All I know is, whatever it is- whether it's something or nothing, it can't be any worse than here. No one can convince me that any other existence is worse than this one. I've always believed, if there is such a thing as hell, we are all in it right now. Some of it may be of our own creation, but much of it is just the trappings of being alive. To be alive is to be in hell. And I believe that even on my best day. . . Because in my experience, anything good that I get, must be paid for 100 times over by something horrible. That's how I knew the moment I allowed myself to become attached to my husband that he was doomed. I knew he would die sooner or later even if it took another 50 years. . . And I would be forced to sit and watch him suffer and die.
Meanwhile, I suffer but I don't die.
And I have friends who are spiritual, not religious but spiritual, who tell me that I chose for things to be this way before I got here. Why the hell would I have chosen this?!
Why would anyone?!

I never asked for life. There was non-existence and then I became conscious when I was born. It was something I never wanted. Existence is suffering. Then you become conscious of your own mortality. It's like waiting for a nightmare to end.

 

[BlueWidow]

I never asked for life. There was non-existence and then I became conscious when I was born. It was something I never wanted. Existence is suffering. Then you become conscious of your own mortality.

Yes, doesn't it suck that we have consciousness but animals don't. I realize most people think that makes us superior, but I would actually argue the opposite. Animals go exclusively on instinct. I think it would make life much easier if you had no conscious awareness and no ability to think beyond your basic drives for survival. And in most cases animals die long before humans do. Their lives are much shorter. It seems to me if we have awareness, it would at least be better if our lives were shorter. Another thing that makes no sense to me, the idea that extending human life is progress. The length of the human life is now so long that I think many people get bored with it long before they ever die. I certainly have. I think it was better in the olden days when people died in their 30s or 40s.

 

[ARW3N]

They are not broken, they didn't feel such a pain. That's why they see it as an attention seeking or something like that.
I'm really afraid of failing and end up in a hospital. Nurses and doctors are extremly mean and cold against suicidal people. My last failed attempt was traumatic because of the time I spent in the hospital. Nurses were whispering to each other and despising me. One of the nurses even threatened me... It was horrible.

I don't think it stems from religious prohibitions against suicide but the Hippocratic Oath which all medical personnel have to subscribe to which entails doing no harm to the patient. I've heard how the lethal injections on Death Row in the US are carried out by the prison guards rather than trained nurses because of the Hippocratic Oath.

Yes, doesn't it suck that we have consciousness but animals don't. I realize most people think that makes us superior, but I would actually argue the opposite. Animals go exclusively on instinct. I think it would make life much easier if you had no conscious awareness and no ability to think beyond your basic drives for survival. And in most cases animals die long before humans do. Their lives are much shorter. It seems to me if we have awareness, it would at least be better if our lives were shorter. Another thing that makes no sense to me, the idea that extending human life is progress. The length of the human life is now so long that I think many people get bored with it long before they ever die. I certainly have. I think it was better in the olden days when people died in their 30s or 40s.

I once studied Egyptology and learned how most ancient Egyptians died in their 30s. There's even a famous literary piece by an ancient Egyptian debating the benefits of suicide. Perhaps he lived far longer than he felt he should have.

 

[BlueWidow]

I don't think it stems from religious prohibitions against suicide but the Hippocratic Oath which all medical personnel have to subscribe to which entails doing no harm to the patient. I've heard how the lethal injections on Death Row in the US are carried out by the prison guards rather than trained nurses because of the Hippocratic Oath.

I agree that you're probably right in that it gives them an excuse to be against suicide. However, I don't recall any doctors worrying about their Hippocratic Oath when they were keeping me for 13 years on the wrong medicine for my thyroid, or refusing me the amount of medication that I need to function properly and have a good quality of life, even now 10 years later. I guess as long as they technically keep you alive, they consider themselves as following the Hippocratic Oath and "doing no harm". BS!

 

[Predestinated]

Also, how do I stop caring about being judged so harshly if I decide to ctb? It's a big part of why I'm still alive. I hate people I know not understanding exactly why I may ctb and expecting no judgement.

Because they are "triggered" by people like us who have actually the guts to do it. Some pro-life people arent really that pro-life, but they are somehow offended by suicidal people.