Venting Why Am I Still Here?

[KudzuTrailblazer]

There is something just so innately flawed about my mind. I keep going through the same motions day in day out. I only really only have been keeping myself sane by sleeping all day these days or filling my days up with work or studying. I just don't know. I keep doing the things that people keep telling me to do with the promise that it'll help me feel better. It'll help my depression. It'll help control my anxiety. I just feel lied to. I am going to therapy, I'm medicated, I'm working out, I'm doing decent in classes, but it all feels so empty. I love my partner, but sometimes I just have this ball of emptiness in my chest where even talking to them it doesn't go away. I do my best to be nice and accommodating to people around me. Both for selfish reasons, hoping the good fortune will come back, and reasons like why be an asshole to other people. I don't know what more I can do.
I want to go the SN route, but I'm just so anxious I can't even put myself to do it.

I just want to be happy. But I doubt that'll happen anytime soon.