Venting Why am I so scared

[fleetingnight]

I need to do it. I just need to. It's only getting worse as the days go by. My whole world is collapsing in on me. It's so painful. I have to do it. I want to do it.

But I won't be able to. Maybe never.

Just picturing it in my head, my heart races so hard, I get close to a panic attack. What's wrong with me? I want to die, why don't I have that peacefulness towards death that some other suicidal people have? I know SI exists, but even just thinking about it?

I might not ever be able to do it. Ever. That's even sadder than me actually doing it. I'll suffer forever and ever until I die decades and decades from now. Always scaring at the smallest noises and movements. Always disappointing others. Always crying over little things. Living every day thinking about how much I don't want to be here. But never able to escape. I'm trapped. I'm trapped forever. There's nothing I can do.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

My heart goes out to you,it really does…I can't say we suffer with the exact same problems but we both feel the exact same pain…i wish i could take our fears away and let us do what we really need to,or better rid us of the problems we had in the 1st place to not have to be forced into the last resort

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why do you want to die? The slightest piece of hope can destroy the plan. Death can be the most logic thing bc life won't get any better but SI tells you "it can get better" and it can create false hope. Living is difficult dying is even more difficult.

 

[fleetingnight]

My heart goes out to you,it really does…I can't say we suffer with the exact same problems but we both feel the exact same pain…i wish i could take our fears away and let us do what we really need to,or better rid us of the problems we had in the 1st place to not have to be forced into the last resort

Thank you, I wish I could too, I want both of us to be able to feel better, in whatever way is possible. I'm sorry, I drank kinda a lot tonight, so I can't articulate my words very well, but thanks for the words of comfort<3

Why do you want to die? The slightest piece of hope can destroy the plan. Death can be the most logic thing bc life won't get any better but SI tells you "it can get better" and it can create false hope. Living is difficult dying is even more difficult.

I want to kill that hope, and I'm trying so hard to. I know it's false hope. I really think it is just cuz I'm not intelligent and scare too easily. And because it's hard for everyone, of cours,e but I wish just thinking didn't scare me, I want to be braver and get over it