Venting Why am I so needy

[Hellokitty3333]

I literally hate myself so much and it is all my fault why I push others away. If I am not wanted I will just leave. I hate feeling like a burden but that is all I feel. Like no one wants me and none ever has or will. My bf will never want me really I know he doesn't because he can sleep fine without me and even when I am crying all night he won't really care. I am so selfish with him and he must hate me for it. He wants time away from me so I did something wrong clearly. I ate at my mom's house and I shouldn't of, two cookies and a poke bowl. God I am so fat I just wanted to start binging knowing he won't call me after. He says he worries about me but then only talks to me for a little bit. I can't tell him I need more. Why am I so selfish and needy all the goddamn time like why am I so reliant on others to make me feel halfway decent. I hate being alone, I just think and think until I just start planning my death over and over and over. I have thought about it so many times and I know I will die of suicide it just is when is the thing. I don't know how much I can rely on people when they let me down and I am all alone. I hate myself for it, why I am I so pathetic? And why can't he be here for me in the way I need. I just need him to talk to it's not like I need anything else. But that's too much, I am too much and no matter how much I stress and worry it wont be enough for anyone to really care to help because how could tey help when its all my fault. When I am gone they will be so relieved I'm sure. No whiney bitch to worry about. He says he is sorry but he isn't I know he isn't and why should he be sorry for not calling? Maybe because it sends me into a spiral but I am still worried about his stupid goddamn feelings. Never date a suicidal person as a suicidal person because then you are too scared to tell them the truth because of what they might do.

 

[Roseate]

Hey, it's okay to need and want more time. Everyone love language is different, and maybe yours is quality time. Just take a deep breath, your feelings are valid. You aren't wrong for feeling the way you feel. Let your needs be known. A relationship is also about meeting or trying to meet one another's needs. Honestly, once you are calm let him know. And if you need someone to talk to or advice, just message me. You are not selfish and don't let anyone convince you that you are. Wanting and needing more is human.