Why am I here?

[Alukguy]

Hi all, this will be my first post.

To start with I just wanted to give a little backstory about myself. I've been struggling with depression for the best part of 10 years. On and off in that time I have often contemplated suicide. Initially it was a sense of self loathing and feelings of inadequacy in myself. Over time though this has morphed into a hatred of the world around me I'm living in and a desire to leave it all behind. I do have friends and family who I've told about my problems, and for a while the knowledge that I'd be hurting them if I did take my life was enough to convince me not to do it. But recently that hasn't been enough. Currently through the hell of the last year and a half I've been closer than ever to wanting to end it now than ever before, and that is how I came upon this place, through a longing to find people who have endured similar issues and feelings to mine, and to understand why we are where we are.

So my first question is not to ask about advice on methods but more a simple question of how you ended up here in this community? I would just like to know how one first came upon this place, whether or not one found closure or desire to continue.

 

[Dymming Star6]

I really ended up here because I know that I am at my wits end at this point...I toyed with the option of doing chemical suicide in a hotel but my empathetic side prevented me from moving forward in that capacity. I mean I don't want to take others with me against their will or innocent children. I am a very sensitive person and I don't want to make a big stink of it (pun intended) for that matter. I just want to be free from this world and it's continuing negative antics. I never felt that I belonged here anyway...See, I am the odd ball of my (5) siblings and my emotionally distant father who in 2012 tried to actually strangule me in 2012...I lost my mother to both breast/lung cancer in April of 2000---the very month that I am named after, which makes it all so much worse. I have no boyfriend/husband to speak of and am pretty socially awkward due to my BiPolarism. I am nothing like the people surrounding me or kin to me so why should I keep moving forward?! I just can't see the reason to keep existing honestly...sorry, I wish that I had a better answer for you with more positivity but I have to stand in my own truth...

 

[Jumping_realms]

Welcome..

I found SS through a friend from Reddit, which I no longer frequent for any serious matters.

I am not sure what you mean by your last question, but I am here to end my life and CTB as soon as I have all the info, supplies and a solid plan. I can't fail again.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I ended up here when I was near the end of my rope. I had tried to ctb for several years before finding this community. I find here you can talk more about your problems without someone trying to fix them.

Sending you love and kindness

 

[PaxAmerica]

I have been poorly for a while. But the last 2 year's have been too much. Came across SS a month ago by chance surfin net. Pretty hooked on the community spirit since. But seeing people actually CTBing is now unsettling me. If I'm honest.

 

[FuneralCry]

I found this website by chance. It makes me feel better coming to this website, having a place where we can openly talk about these topics without the stigma or judgement. I have never wanted to be alive honestly. For me personally, I will ctb some day when I feel the is right.