Devils_candY
Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
- Oct 23, 2020
- 46
So I'm back here, again. I keep trying to convince myself that I could leave the pro-suicide pages of these types of forums, but I just can't feel correctly unless I have a place to find mutual love and understanding. There's something special about SS that I can't find anywhere, and that one thing is peace. I don't know about you guys, but my heads so fucked up that I can't find a sense of peace unless I'm venting my frustrations to a crowd of wonderful people, like y'all, to help me calm the noise that I call consciousness. It's absolutely sad that I, myself, and y'all are the only ones that can ease the pain I feel. Im sorry, but don't some of you guys, if not all of you wish you could function normally in a society that accepts you? Fuck if you don't, cause I do.
So why am I here, again, tonight? well it's been a long time since I posted here. So of course im thinking about it, and as I think of how happy these forums represent things in the world, I start to understand the reason why im secretly missing these places. It's inevitable that I take my own life, but for some reason i keep convincing myself that there's some reason i shouldn't go through with it, even if I'm already convinced otherwise. So today i started crying, which is normal, but instead of wiping my tears away, I just kept crying, no matter what I did, I kept crying. The pain I kept shoving aside each morning and evening when I forced myself to stop crying has finally wound up taking over. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact ther more I cry the easier it is for me to set up and start making up my kit so it'll work correctly. I just always find a reason to go to sleep hoping that the next day I'll definitely go through with it. That maybe it'll be easier to tighten the strap... that ill have less reason to cry and more drive to die... hmmmm, I wish.
Things always play tricks on me. I find love, but my soul forces me to let it go, knowing that I don't deserve it. I find peace, but my soul tells me it's full of lies. I know thinking that way I'd damaging, but fuck all if it ain't true. I just can't handle living like this. Not anymore. It's been 20 years since I first felt suicidal and attempted, failed. Im tired, and I think most of you can relate. It's been a very long road, and I'm getting on the bus for the last mile of the aforementioned road. I can't keep my head on, not anymore, no. It's easy to hard to think positively, or keep going to a psychotherapist, taking to the hotline... I can't go through it anymore... I'm lost, in my self-made rat race.
Most of you guys are wonderful. Showing support, offering advice, so on so forth. That stuff, believe it or not, helps me. Thank you. For some reason though im staying around, only to do what? Well I'm an addict for the peace helping others on this site brings me. So if any of you would like to message me, please feel free to do so.
I love y'all!! More than words can say!! Thank you!
So why am I here, again, tonight? well it's been a long time since I posted here. So of course im thinking about it, and as I think of how happy these forums represent things in the world, I start to understand the reason why im secretly missing these places. It's inevitable that I take my own life, but for some reason i keep convincing myself that there's some reason i shouldn't go through with it, even if I'm already convinced otherwise. So today i started crying, which is normal, but instead of wiping my tears away, I just kept crying, no matter what I did, I kept crying. The pain I kept shoving aside each morning and evening when I forced myself to stop crying has finally wound up taking over. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact ther more I cry the easier it is for me to set up and start making up my kit so it'll work correctly. I just always find a reason to go to sleep hoping that the next day I'll definitely go through with it. That maybe it'll be easier to tighten the strap... that ill have less reason to cry and more drive to die... hmmmm, I wish.
Things always play tricks on me. I find love, but my soul forces me to let it go, knowing that I don't deserve it. I find peace, but my soul tells me it's full of lies. I know thinking that way I'd damaging, but fuck all if it ain't true. I just can't handle living like this. Not anymore. It's been 20 years since I first felt suicidal and attempted, failed. Im tired, and I think most of you can relate. It's been a very long road, and I'm getting on the bus for the last mile of the aforementioned road. I can't keep my head on, not anymore, no. It's easy to hard to think positively, or keep going to a psychotherapist, taking to the hotline... I can't go through it anymore... I'm lost, in my self-made rat race.
Most of you guys are wonderful. Showing support, offering advice, so on so forth. That stuff, believe it or not, helps me. Thank you. For some reason though im staying around, only to do what? Well I'm an addict for the peace helping others on this site brings me. So if any of you would like to message me, please feel free to do so.
I love y'all!! More than words can say!! Thank you!
