Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
My brain fog and mental illness
Seneca the Younger
Member
- Sep 29, 2019
- 5
Everything. Everything i experience during the day makes me more and more depressed and tired.
clownangel
Student
- Sep 25, 2019
- 122
I'd like to know whoever the fuck thought brainfog was a thing that should exist & set them on fire tbh. (Or yknow, the personification of brainfog itself - if I had the concentration, that is.)
Past that, too much input when I first wake up is the quickest way to ruin "liveable" because I end up spending the rest of my day fairly scrambled and aggressive which I fucking haaaaate. The fact that my brain will dwell on inane depressing nonsense vs. shit I'd actually like to do/of value can put me in a tailspin as well.
Expectations of others as well as my own.
alexithymia
Student
- Sep 18, 2019
- 176
Executive dysfunction. I have a hard time doing basic things that involve sequencing, like grocery shopping.
Sadwind
want to go
- Sep 21, 2019
- 76
Maravillosa
Господи помилуй — мир в Україні!
- Sep 7, 2018
- 689
Changing my mother's diaper, especially when she has to poop for the second time in 24 hours. Wiping her butt and washing the bedpan gets annoying after a while. And I cannot blame my poor mother for her bodily functions. Ah well! 
Getting up knowing that i have to live every moment of the same empty meaningless day!
Return2Dust
Experienced
- Sep 28, 2019
- 246
Having other people help me find the things I misplace - - on a daily basis. My photographic memory was once a source of pride.
Mailooo
broken by birth.
- Sep 4, 2019
- 8
Changing my mother's diaper, especially when she has to poop for the second time in 24 hours. Wiping her butt and washing the bedpan gets annoying after a while. And I cannot blame my poor mother for her bodily functions. Ah well!
Sounds really like an immense burden. My heart goes out to you and u have my respect for the really hard job you do every day probably...
Yelling people, unfriendly people, my tinnitus, well... oh gosh... there are a lot of things I dislike, but I dont even care about most things then again anymore.
I am not afraid of people but it is so unnecessary to be an unfriendly motherfucker most times, I dunno why people are like that, even if I was totally weak and afraid of people I wouldnt behave in such a manor. That annoys me really in everyday-life, when people are just stupidly aggressive.
Maravillosa
Господи помилуй — мир в Україні!
- Sep 7, 2018
- 689
You're really doing great job there, hope things get better for both of you.Changing my mother's diaper, especially when she has to poop for the second time in 24 hours. Wiping her butt and washing the bedpan gets annoying after a while. And I cannot blame my poor mother for her bodily functions. Ah well!
Do you like reading? if yes, start with book or novel you like, reading improves the memory.
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GreyMonkey
Heartbroken
- Aug 20, 2019
- 277
Fragile
Broken
- Jul 7, 2019
- 1,496
Tinnitus, nerve pain, gastric issues. all side effects from my illnesses, it just sucks to live like this.
and being addicted to benzos and pregabalin is quite frustrating as well.
and being addicted to benzos and pregabalin is quite frustrating as well.
snowman626
Mage
- Jan 28, 2019
- 545
Yeah i get this too. Ive been saying no to cousins gatherings for like 10 years and at this point it would be awkward to show up cause when i do i would stick out like a sore thumb cause nobody knows me anymore. Its too late to even try to pretend im part of the group.
Unfortunately i live in the same city as the cousins, which wouldnt be a problem except i do regularly talk to my brother who is close with those cousins. So by association i always have to hear about those cousins from him. Oh so and so is getting married, now a baby...etc
Now my cousins are all married with kids its even harder to show up. None of their husbands or close friends have ever heard of me, although they know my brother very well.
If i show up imagine the horror...
I stand there like an idiot while my brother goes socialize with everyone. Everybody knows everybody. Suddenly someone says "snowman626! You graced us with your presence finally!" And me being such a anti social nimwit ill have nothing to say except "yeah..."
The cousins husbands and friends would also give me lots of shit. "I didnt know you existed! Wow. Am i in the twilight zone?" So im getting shit from everyone.
On top of all that everyone there have normal livez. They all have good jobs, good friends, good hobbies. While im a complete and utter failure, a socially retarded virgin who still lives with mommy at 33 and suicidal. Imagine all the questions ill get...
Q- so, what do you do now?
A- I make min wage working security. I only work 2 days a week cause im too depressed to work full time
Q- Do you have a gf?
A- im a 33yr old virgin whos never had a gf
Q- wait... what? Why not?
A- cause im a socialy retarded loser. Oh were you looking for some sophisticated answer about how im just "waiting for the right one"?
Q- any hobbies?
A- yeah, watching youtube and visitjng a suicide forum
Yeah me going to a gathering is gonna work out grrrreat!
But no, my brother still thinks i should go because "its the right thing to do." He and the cousins just dont get it, to them its just another day another get-together, for me its a whole thing that comes with all kinds of bullshit.
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AnonymouslyBlue
Member
- Sep 29, 2019
- 57
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
Going on my mother's Facebook page and seeing everyone post about their saccharinely satisfying lives.
I don't care if it's considered a "high-light reel" or a pantomime. I don't even have enough to me to put on a show. My best days don't hold a candle to their worst. And I'm obviously not going to take a photograph of this mess and add a bunny filter and a duck pout.
It makes me cringe when I see normal people do it, never mind my ugly mug.
Granted, I would avoid most social media even if I had a great life and looked like a model because I am against what it is all about. Still, it doesn't hurt any less to see everyone get on with their lives. To see people who treated you like shit, prospering and smiling under flower crowns. And to see people you are supposed to be close to, enjoy life without you.
I don't care if it's considered a "high-light reel" or a pantomime. I don't even have enough to me to put on a show. My best days don't hold a candle to their worst. And I'm obviously not going to take a photograph of this mess and add a bunny filter and a duck pout.
It makes me cringe when I see normal people do it, never mind my ugly mug.
Granted, I would avoid most social media even if I had a great life and looked like a model because I am against what it is all about. Still, it doesn't hurt any less to see everyone get on with their lives. To see people who treated you like shit, prospering and smiling under flower crowns. And to see people you are supposed to be close to, enjoy life without you.
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and one place I have it is in the ears. So any kind of noise hurts like crazy. It's impossible to escape sound.
So what irks me the most is the constant lawn mowing! Every day three times a day by the neurotic people in my neighborhood. Like they're going to win a prize for best lawn or their house is going to be on the cover of home and garden. They have every tool you could imagine. They have the mowers the blowers, the edgers, the hedge trimmers. I know I sound like an old woman but what about the days where you cut the grass and used a rake? It's beautiful out and sometimes I can't even open my windows. And they do it for so long! When the grass cutters came to the apartment I live in, it took them three hours! You would laugh too if you saw what my apartment looks like first of all. Its a crappy building run by a millionaire who has the cheapest wig you've ever seen. And the grass cutters are so precise. So I have really good hearing, kind of like a wolf and since it's so sensitive and painful, I have to get in the car every time someone on my block or anywhere close enough to me that I can hear it, and drive somewhere and sit there until they're done. It actually hasn't been bad this summer so I was grateful. Last summer my next door neighbor put a mini golf course in his backyard! Every day from 8-6 it was nothing but noise. So I went to the cemetery since it's the quietest place you can go. I sat there all day every day in the heat. Once they were still working at 8:30 and I fell asleep in my car in the parking lot of my grocery store. Yeah that was a bad summer.
So what irks me the most is the constant lawn mowing! Every day three times a day by the neurotic people in my neighborhood. Like they're going to win a prize for best lawn or their house is going to be on the cover of home and garden. They have every tool you could imagine. They have the mowers the blowers, the edgers, the hedge trimmers. I know I sound like an old woman but what about the days where you cut the grass and used a rake? It's beautiful out and sometimes I can't even open my windows. And they do it for so long! When the grass cutters came to the apartment I live in, it took them three hours! You would laugh too if you saw what my apartment looks like first of all. Its a crappy building run by a millionaire who has the cheapest wig you've ever seen. And the grass cutters are so precise. So I have really good hearing, kind of like a wolf and since it's so sensitive and painful, I have to get in the car every time someone on my block or anywhere close enough to me that I can hear it, and drive somewhere and sit there until they're done. It actually hasn't been bad this summer so I was grateful. Last summer my next door neighbor put a mini golf course in his backyard! Every day from 8-6 it was nothing but noise. So I went to the cemetery since it's the quietest place you can go. I sat there all day every day in the heat. Once they were still working at 8:30 and I fell asleep in my car in the parking lot of my grocery store. Yeah that was a bad summer.
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woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
Today it was two annoying girls in the waiting room. One of them coughed every two seconds and wouldn't cover her mouth, the other fake-high-pitch-giggled every two seconds. I wanted to wring their little necks for them.
k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,546
People saying colors "pop" and talk of "living your best life." Those particular phrases make me want to throat punch someone. I don't know why, but people say it all the time. LOL
Qverty7455
Student
- Sep 28, 2019
- 195
Thinking about my ex and dealing with BDD, having no friends to go out and have fun, having no one to talk to etc etc
Having to go outside and deal with people. If I could live comfortably as a hikikomori indefinitely, I probably would not want to CTB anymore.
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
Being forced to go to school, the constant nausea, the panic when I think I'm going to throw up, being bored and not knowing what to do, the knowledge I'll have to be a wage slave when I'm done with school, the fact that nodoby likes me and I'm never invited to hang out, the way your hands get wrinkled and feel weird when you shower, trying to get my hair to look good, my insensent waiting for someone to come along and cure my loneliness, for something to cure my boredom, not being able to choke down food, US laws restricting my human freedom, my bad faith, not being able to fall asleep and waking up in the middle of the night to throw up. I could go literally all day and then some. I can't wait to just not feel anything. Next week is the plan.
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
Unknown stomach condition. Probably gastroparesis, but I'll be dead before I can be diagnosed, so oh well. Either way it's not curable. We've crossed out everything other than gastroparesis, and the only treatment for gastroparesis I'm really doing. So basically I'm stuck being on a feeding tube/vomiting after eating for the rest of my life. I'd still kill myself even if I didn't have this condition though, simply because of my philosophies
Sunshine. I feel like it's too dangerous to leave my home to go outside when the sun is out, like I am just amplifying my risk for skin cancer or some other dermatological problem related to sun exposure.
"Just put on sunscreen" - chemicals and barrier blocks wreak havoc on my skin, causing psoriatic-like lesions, acne, and folliculitis
"Just wear a hat and plenty of covered clothing" - My body overheats quickly and easily, I sweat profusely, and this all triggers panic
"Just put on sunscreen" - chemicals and barrier blocks wreak havoc on my skin, causing psoriatic-like lesions, acne, and folliculitis
"Just wear a hat and plenty of covered clothing" - My body overheats quickly and easily, I sweat profusely, and this all triggers panic
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
Can I ask what your philosophies are? I understand if you don't want to talk about them. I'm sorry to hear about your stomach condition.
