Who here cries everyday?

[prettyclam]

I cry daily. Sometimes multiple times. It's been like this since childhood.

I don't remember a night where I haven't cried until my eyes burned from dryness, or until the skin under my nose peeled from snot. On bad days I look unrecognizable afterwards. My monolids would become double eyelids while my face would swell like crazy. My complexion would also be ten shades lighter.

I cry morning, afternoon, and night no matter where I am. I cry at work, in bed, outside. I even cry during sleepovers with my girlfriend once she's asleep. I'm on the brink of tears at all times. They almost pour on demand. A few trickle down my face without me noticing. If anyones around, I excuse it as my eyes watering or whatever, but I know it's caused by my subconscious depression. Calling it subconscious is generous considering I contemplate suicide once per millisecond. But yeah I'm a big cryer if that's the right word.

Lots of depressed or suicidal people express feeling numb, but I rarely do. I don't know if its because they're too depressed, or if I'm not depressed enough. I attempted ctb a couple times so I doubt that my diagnosed major depressive disorder is superficial. Maybe I'm simply an emotional person, although I'm not like this when it comes to sad movies or heartwarming animal videos. Who knows. I just wonder if anyone on here is the same way. I'm literally crying while typing this. Today's reasoning is because I feel pathetic for writing on this forum rather than venting to a friend like a normal person would. Too bad I can't be honest with them.

 

[darksouls]

I cry at every farewell letter I read
and often at other sad posts
so at least once a day
usually several times a day

 

[NoHorizon]

I cry quite a lot, especially for a man when it's expected that you never cry unless it's a funeral or something. In bed, in the shower, at my desk, often for no particular reason other than I want to die.

I work in quite a masculine environment, so my colleagues find it really weird but just tend to ignore it which is probably best for both me and them.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

I wish I was able to cry but it rarely ever happens. At least crying a lot provides some level of catharsis usually... I am also quite the emotional person so you would think I would be crying more but nope I am merely a husk.

 

[prettyclam]

I cry quite a lot, especially for a man when it's expected that you never cry unless it's a funeral or something. In bed, in the shower, at my desk, often for no particular reason other than I want to die.

I work in quite a masculine environment, so my colleagues find it really weird but just tend to ignore it which is probably best for both me and them.

Thinking about dying is like an infinite crying glitch. Instant water fountain in my eyes. I'm surprised your coworkers haven't said anything, or at least tried comforting you, but I know the toxic masculinity thing could affect their reactions

 

[troubledM]

every single day

 

[PI3.14]

I do. I've been in this state for the past 3-4 months now. It's because I finally realize that I'll indeed CTB and that the life I always wanted for myself is no longer achievable.

 

[Eriktf]

im not able to cry when i want to cry

 

[froggirl9000]

I have been unable to cry for at least six years and counting now.

 

[whywere]

With all my mental health issues along with the 24/7 chronic pain, crying is sometimes my relief valve and also when I read on here of a family member having a rough go of it, it breaks me down to the state of crying.

When I was growing up, I had a white angora cat that got into rat poison and died in my armes, my "dad" beat the living hell out of me stating that "men do not cry, suck it up" and that one time cemented to/for me the ability to cry for myself and especially for others.

Walter

 

[finallydone]

very occasionally, maybe 3x/year tops, however that is replaced with rage and i don't know what to do with that anymore

 

[_Gollum_]

Nearly every day, yes. I keep track of how many times I cry and last month it was 43 times. This month it's a little better, so far only 16. It certainly doesn't say anything about your depression; I've had those "numb" period where I didn't cry, but then I also have these periods where I can't stop. At no point during that time did I stop being depressed. Some people are just more prone to crying than others.

"I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full." - Sylvia Plath

 

[Roadrunner]

Every single day. For me it's mornings. Guess it's because I realize I woke up to another day full of anxiety and depression, wishing I hadn't woke up at all, or ever.

 

[lawlietsph]

me lol
i was always extremely sensitive. and then i started antidepressants and it made me so numb, i cried like 2x a year.
but then i left antidepressants and since then, i cry at least 2 times a day, but sometimes even more
i hate it to be honest, it only makes my head hurt but i can't stop

 

[Dejected 55]

Not everyday, but possibly most days. It doesn't take much to set me off.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

I used to for a while (and my dad would always beat the shit out of me for "doing nothing but crying"; I eventually learned to bite my pillow so my parents wouldnt hear me wail), but at this point Ive become too numb and tired to do so.

 

[prettyclam]

me lol
i was always extremely sensitive. and then i started antidepressants and it made me so numb, i cried like 2x a year.
but then i left antidepressants and since then, i cry at least 2 times a day, but sometimes even more
i hate it to be honest, it only makes my head hurt but i can't stop

Omg I was the same way when I took antidepressants. I'd still cry but only if I tried hard enough. It was a weird mind body disconnect. Make sure to drink water after those crying sessions, the dehydration headaches suck

 

[memento-mori]

i don't cry cause my eyes are almost always too dry

 

[nowherelilies]

i literally read this post as i'm crying rn (the universe is so funny) and yes i do cry. i cry a lot. i've been this way since january when i realized nothing would ever work and i will have to die by my own hands someday.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have had periods like that. Not as much now. Though it does happen.

 

[Dejected 55]

I was just crying an hour ago while watching an episode of Star Trek Voyager. Anything I see with connection to love or family or sacrifice because someone cares about others... I connect with those emotions and I know I will never experience them for real in my life, and both of those feelings and thoughts working in tandem make me cry every time.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I wish I could cry I might feel a little bit better for a few minutes

 

[alwayssearching202]

Thank you for posting this question—it resonates deeply with me. I've been on this site before a year or so ago, searching for options while feeling completely numb. I made some life changes in the hope of finding a meaningful path forward. Unfortunately, that clarity never came. Now, I find myself crying almost nonstop, every day. The shift from feeling nothing to feeling everything has been overwhelming and hard to make sense of.

 

[Anura]

I used to cry more but in the past few years I haven't been able to cry when I want to. It happens occasionally now, usually during bad breakdowns, but even then I can't cry for too long (usually lasts a minute or so)

 

[Lullaby]

I used to a lot, then it got super hard for me. My birthday is later this week, though, and I've been crying more than usual. Nearly everyday since last weekend, I think.

 

[determination]

I don't cry most of the time, not really sure why. I mean I am physically capable of crying, but even if I feel miserable or really sad alone, 95% of the time I don't. Like I'll feel really sad and stuff but I won't cry from it, I'm not really sure if this is called anything, but I've been like this for a long time.

 

[TAW122]

There was a time where I cried oftenly (maybe not every day but at least a few times a week) and I suppose I was very emotional. Then after I was over 18 years of age, I just rarely, in rare cases ever cried, and sometimes I wanted to cry, but simply just couldn't. For instance, there was a time where I had a former roommate who passed away (unsure if it was CTB, or not, it was never confirmed to be CTB though I presumed it was), and while attending the roommate's funeral (8 years ago) I was solemn and sad, but somehow I just couldn't cry, I think I felt some emotion, but just couldn't cry (no tears).

Besides that I would say the last time I actually cried was perhaps in early or near beginning of 2022, when Covid was still going on, and I was in one of the worst shapes of my life, had a full time job, but lost it due to my own stupidity and fault (won't get into all that though), then also other living arrangement changes and hardships in life. I still always wanted to die but I guess what set me over the edge was the desperation of not being able to readily CTB and being trapped with no exit. Who knows, maybe when I actually attempt to CTB, perhaps I might have actually end up crying due to fighting and battling out SI, not sure as I've never truly ever attempted CTB.

 

[Notlikeforte]

Honestly, at this point I feel so dead inside I can't get myself to cry anymore no matter how hopeless I feel about things.

 

[laceydreams]

I don't really cry everyday but I feel like crying everyday

 

[soledad.virgen]

im a big crybaby, i have crying spells about every three days or so when my depression/bpd swings/neuropathy is overwhelming. sometimes i cry just from like a story i read or song i listen to that has like a really strong emotional core/moment. or from seeing people grieve their precious pet bunnies that passed away.