Who has had an abusive upbringing and/or grew up in bad poverty?

[John Smith]

What happened? Did it screw you up for life?

 

[Sharethepain]

My father was abusive and a drunk. My mother was barely home. I basically grew up alone, without being taught the importance of human connections, hence I never knew how important they were until I lost my ex which was the most important person in the world to me, and the only one that loved me. I developed BPD as well. I wouldn't say that it fucked me up for life, but it certainly makes it feel pointless to even try anymore when you were not taught how to be a proper human being with emotions.

 

[John Smith]

Are u saying it made u a sociopath without emotion?

 

[nuclearsnake]

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive and unavaible. My grandparents are controlling narcissistic fucks and my mom was pretty much a helicopter parent. Both of my parents are deaf and nobody ever taught me sign language so I was unable to connect with them. And my grandparents believe they are better than everyone else and they basically took me away from my parents all the time. So I essentially had two sets of parents, all of which were crazy in their own right. Don't think I ever had the opportunity to create a proper bound with a caregiver.
I was told that was wrong over and over again and my dad told me numerous times that I'm shit and that he is going to kill me. He never did anything but insult, hit and yell at me.

There's other stuff but I lack the energy to write it all down. I got fucked over not only by my family but by teachers too (I was desperately looking for someone to talk to as a little kid so I got attached to a teacher quickly).
I'm pretty sure it fucked me up for life, yeah. It's like someone took me apart from an early age and I'm left with the remains. And now I have to put myself together all by myself. Which I can't.

 

[John Smith]

Well it's good to know im not the only one. How did u learn to talk with deaf parents?

 

[Tiburcio]

My parents destroyed me at all. At least now I truly know how family relationships are and made me discover we, sons, don't owe a fuck to that tyrants.

 

[nuclearsnake]

Well it's good to know im not the only one. How did u learn to talk with deaf parents?

My mom can read lips but it's difficult. I've never really talked to my dad.

 

[anurgetowardlove]

My dad did things to me. He was also very psychologically abusive. A regular day was sitting on the couch with him watching porn. My mom is basically what you would expect. She tried really hard to spend time with me when I was young, but it faded with money problems and so on because she had to work so much. We grew apart, so I spent most of my teenage years alone or with my father, being drunk. I had friends, and made them easily, but I didn't connect to anyone. My mom was in a horrible accident and I became her caretaker when I was 15. I didn't have much of a childhood. I got bullied a lot and abused by other people, so eventually I just withdrew.

As an adult I kind of went wild. Went through a lot of people and dealt with a lot of bullshit. I've been in therapy for 4 years and despite finally finding a good therapist in the last 6 months, I know it's too late. I can feel it. All of that abuse took it's toll and even with all the determination I had to overcome it, it's slipping away. It all impacts everything I do. Everything I think. I'm more or less incapable of caring for other people in any kind of real way. I've tried to be a better person than what I came from, but it's all just so fucked all the time. I do the "right" things, but it feels like nothing. People love me and care about me, but I have nothing to give them. I live in a sea of apathy.

 

[Sharethepain]

Are u saying it made u a sociopath without emotion?

Well if that were the case it wouldnt be so bad. I wasn´t taught love nor happiness. I dont know how to be happy no matter what I keep trying.

I can only feel sad, empty and lonely. I never knew much else. In the rare times I manage to break a real smile it almost hurts because its so empty.

 

[LoverofDeath]

My mum abused me my whole life, physically, emotionally and verbally - still am. I'm Sri Lankan and 99.9% of Sri Lankan parents beat their kids for "discipline" or whatever. My dad was an alcoholic and well the alcohol was important to him and now it's ruined his life. I don't want to go in depth about it. I loathe both of them.

 

[John Smith]

I

Well if that were the case it wouldnt be so bad. I wasn´t taught love nor happiness. I dont know how to be happy no matter what I keep trying.

I can only feel sad, empty and lonely. I never knew much else. In the rare times I manage to break a real smile it almost hurts because its so empty.

im sorry to hear that. Ya know most people dont know how painful depression and anxiety, schizophrenia , etc can be. But when people see someone with a physical disability they have never ending compassion for them even if they arent in any pain. I think alot of people cant empathasize because their lives have been too good and they truly dont understand other people's pain. I empathize with u though because i do understand.

 

[John Smith]

My mum abused me my whole life, physically, emotionally and verbally - still am. I'm Sri Lankan and 99.9% of Sri Lankan parents beat their kids for "discipline" or whatever. My dad was an alcoholic and well the alcohol was important to him and now it's ruined his life. I don't want to go in depth about it. I loathe both of them.

really? Well there goes my idea of sri lanka being a very peaceful buddhist country i guess. Is it just beatings or emotional abuse as well

 

[LoverofDeath]

really? Well there goes my idea of sri lanka being a very peaceful buddhist country i guess. Is it just beatings or emotional abuse as well

I can't say they're all peaceful and I personally got emotionally abused too. I remember I would be happy to be at school so I can be with my friends and away from home.

 

[John Smith]

I can't say they're all peaceful and I personally got emotionally abused too. I remember I would be happy to be at school so I can be with my friends and away from home.

i guess most people just ignore all the messages of love and compassion taught by their religion

 

[ScaredOfLife]

My father physically abused me, and my mother just looked the other way when he did it.

My teachers would sometimes ask where the bruises came from and I would lie and tell them I fell off the bike or something. I lied because I was afraid my father would beat me for telling the teachers about the beatings.

I know that what he did to me ruined my life because I have several mental illnesses.

 

[typx]

Mom: addict
Dad: Drunk
Grandfather: drunk
Grandmother: Addict

My mom dumped me off with my grandparents when I was 12 to go 'find a better life for us'. There was a lot of emotional abuse with her growing up. Emotional incest.. using me to fulfill her emotional needs.

Here's a funny one when I was 19 she activated a credit card offer for me that showed up in her mail and ruined my credit. It came down to her being charged with fraud or me saying I made the charges.

 

[Sidestep]

Emotional abuse and neglect (with the occasional physical abuse when I was younger). I ended up developing C-PTSD and DID (possibly with comorbid BPD idk for sure yet). My mom projected her insecurities about her weight onto me causing my eating disorder that I am still mentally recovering from six years later. The painful thing is that I don't really think they're bad parents, like they definitely seem to genuinely care about me a lot they just don't realize how their behavior has harmed me (and deny or downplay it when I try to discuss it with them). Yet at the same time they want to help me with my issues. The whole situation makes it hard to really feel anyway about them.

My sister used to be a good friend and "ally" against them but in recent years I've noticed that she's become a lot like them without realizing it. She also doesn't seem to have developed the same issues as me, not even C-PTSD. Which makes sense because I definitely was more of a target than her but still. It's hard for me to be around my family without being in constant stress and feeling unsafe these days.

 

[Morning Angel]

I also grew up with a lot of emotional abuse with occasional hitting as "discipline" when my sibling and I pissed off our mom. Dad was emotionally abused by Mom but everyone was unhappy so he would join in and lay into my sibling a lot. It was a fucked up environment...Mostly it was really harsh, intense emotional abuse - guilt, shame, manipulation were daily orders.

It fucked me up severely in trusting to people, attaching to people, and with my emotions in general. Deep seated fears of rejection and abandonment. I started to mellow out after about 10 therapists (only found 1 who actually helped me) but I am still not built for intimacy. I have since forgiven my parents because they were immigrants, very stressed out, and had issues of their own; and I know they'll never take responsibility for what happened. I used to be a lot more defensive, temperamental, and pissy but now I just am exhausted and don't bother with people anymore.

 

[Final Escape]

In my case it did destroy my life. It definitely started me down a bad path. The thing about child abuse and poverty is if u don't understand why this is your lot in life, you will question if there is a God. Not believing in definite right and wrong really harmed me because then I could justify not following social norms. Maybe it's not god I believe in but definitely in the Ten Commandments. So basically I became very nihilistic as a young person growing up in that environment and behaved in ways that didn't bring me lasting meaning, fulfillment, but only more and more pain. I ended up childless, poor, and alone, partly do to just bad choices because I didn't think anything I did mattered and I thought morality was relative not objective. I lived immorally and my life is a reflection today for sure. I also thought I had no control over what happens to me. I didn't realize that to some extent I was choosing my bad life. I thought I was just doomed from the start and there's not much I can do. Of course brainwashing by our government and in the schools certainly didn't help. Being taught things that aren't actually that important, but not being taught what actually does matter.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

yes and yes. screwed me up because what i learned from my parents is:

• no matter what i do, it's always wrong. including staying up late to finish homework.
• I'm not allowed to make mistakes. i must be right the first time.
• anything that is not perfect is due to an inadequacy of mine, even accidents and allergies. even when someone else does something wrong to me, it's somehow my fault.
• i'm not allowed to say no. other people's wants are a priority over mine. what i want doesn't matter. i don't matter.
• sex is bad. all men are dogs (i am male). i am ugly (with specifics).

naturally, i have no sense of self, stressed out like crazy, paranoid about ever making a mistake, never sure if my feelings are legitimate. only figured this stuff recently because when you grow up in this environment, you don't know any better. i wish i was never born.

the only good side is that I'm great at figuring stuff out on my own; making plans, contingency plans, backup plans, disaster recovery plans; good at debugging and details; open-mindedness, empathy, and accepting others.

 

[Tiburcio]

yes and yes. screwed me up because what i learned from my parents is:

• no matter what i do, it's always wrong. including staying up late to finish homework.
• I'm not allowed to make mistakes. i must be right the first time.
• anything that is not perfect is due to an inadequacy of mine, even accidents and allergies. even when someone else does something wrong to me, it's somehow my fault.
• i'm not allowed to say no. other people's wants are a priority over mine. what i want doesn't matter. i don't matter.
• sex is bad. all men are dogs (i am male). i am ugly (with specifics).

naturally, i have no sense of self, stressed out like crazy, paranoid about ever making a mistake, never sure if my feelings are legitimate. only figured this stuff recently because when you grow up in this environment, you don't know any better. i wish i was never born.

the only good side is that I'm great at figuring stuff out on my own; making plans, contingency plans, backup plans, disaster recovery plans; good at debugging and details; open-mindedness, empathy, and accepting others.

I can relate to this so much... Did you want to injure them seriously or you still want it? I a lot.

 

[Done]

Very short version.
We grew up dirt poor, dad was a drug dealer in and out of our lives at the time, we escaped him and moved to the suburbs, he found us and came back into our lives permanently and really f*cked up the entire family. I have 2 siblings but he ignored them altogether and chose me as his pet project. He had an obsession with me, locked me in the house but would let my siblings go freely, would beat the shit out of me with his fists, one time ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at my head when I threatened to report him, tried to burn me over the stove, threatened me, recorded me and used fear tactics to really emotionally and psychologically traumatize me. It has fucked me up in some ways but in other ways gave me fire to fight. Two days after I graduated high school he told me I was a loser and would do nothing with the rest of my life. I proved him wrong by going to community college and then transferring out to an ivy league school. That's probably the biggest example, but things he would try to make me believe about myself, I had to prove him wrong, not because I thought he may be right, but because I knew what I was capable of and that he was cruel and full of bullshit. I wasn't going to have gone through all that I did with him only to end up fulfilling his "prophecy" that he had for me.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

My dad was an alcoholic, I didn't exist as far as was concerned - he completely ignored me. My mom kinda took care of me but even as a little kid I knew that I'm a nuisance to her. Her parenting was shit anyway "go to school and be normal" that's all.
We were always in debt, living in my grandparent's house which is a wooden hut with no heating, hot water or even a bathroom. Such a great place for rising a child.

Poor people shouldn't have kids.

 

[Tiburcio]

Poor people shouldn't have kids.

So much agree... Nobody should have kids in general

 

[WorthlessGirl]

My dad was a drunk and abusive, my parents were also Jehovah's witnesses. My dad was the most strict when it came to being a JW, my mom went along with it out of fear. My dad pulled me out of school when I was going to go into 5th grade, he didn't want me to be around non-jws. My mom had no clue what she was doing when homeschooling me, my dad became abusive when I didn't understand math.

All hell would break loose if he caught me playing with a non-jw kid in the neighborhood. Anything would make him angry, he would throw stuff at me, break my stuff. He whipped me with a belt and I had marks on my legs, my mom said he threw me into the wall when I was 3. I came out of my room one night and he was choking my mom and banging her head into the floor. He then chased me into my room and tried to say he didn't do anything wrong. My mom called the cops and they could of cared less, they did take us to a battered womens shelter. My mom was dumb enough to go back to him.

Sometimes my dad would disconnect our phone from the phone poles and we couldn't call anyone, he worked the phone company. He always acted perfect in front of everyone else, most people didn't believe us about what was going on at home. When I was 17, he cheated and left. I don't talk to him anymore, I wish he would die. Sometimes I think I should kill him, maybe I could move on once he is dead.

My mom wasn't that much better, she chased me with a knife when she was angry at me. She would also always threaten to call the state and have them take me away when I misbehaved. She claims she did it out of fear of my dad and was trying to get me to behave.

I wish my mom aborted me when the doctors told her to, she had major issues with pregnancy.

 

[Maya]

I grew up well off in a good area.

But i have a brilliant narcissist for a father and a distant mom. I have several siblings and im the youngest.
I was repeatedly left places( stores, faires, ect) bdays forgotten all sorts of stuff. I was beated knocked unconcious thrown against the stairs insulted belittled blah blah blah.
Fuckin great life

 

[Santiago]

So much agree... Nobody should have kids in general

I know you are just being over dramatic, but I am going to say it anyways. Bullshit.

Just because we are miserable pieces of shit that want to die doesn't mean everyone is. I envy happy families but there are loads of them out there. Which is a good thing. Nobody deserves to go through what some of us have gone through.

 

[Kev]

It makes me feel bad because I grew up with wealthy, supportive, generous parents that spoiled the shit out of me.

However, from a young age I knew that my race and my looks would keep me from finding love, which I yearned for so badly. So I started resenting my parents, because their genetic makeup formed mine, and boy do I hate my genetics. I did not see in my parents a reflection of who I was and wanted to be. Instead I saw a reflection of the things I hated about myself. I hate myself for it, but I have always been cold and unloving towards them, in spite of their support and generosity.

So I pretty grew up without a family, instead being raised by people who I saw as ATMs and cooks and utility. It's pathetic and disgusting. So that combination of having no real family connection and having lost all hope at finding love is what constitutes a major part of why I want to end my life.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I suppose in a way I did, some of my earliest vivid memory is of my mother hemorraging from esophageal varicies (sp) due to her heavy alcoholism, she was in her early 40s and I must have been two or three. I remember getting towels from the bathroom to help clean up the blood she was throwing up, my sister helped too. She finally got to the hospital, either my sister or my father called when he got back from work. Remember the pain I felt when my mother relapsed after about 13 years of sobriety, I was in middle school and I felt so alienated and angry, and she couldn't seem to get it through her head, she just would say she never meant to hurt us, felt guilt about it. I now wish often that I was never born at all. I tried to have empathy but it was hard, I felt she had me just to take care of her and have a friend, despite her trying to support me academically and so on, getting me into extracurriculars, but I didn't really care about any of that. It just felt like I was being lived through vicariously, which I suppose all parents and procreators may do this by the simple act of having a child. It's a very narcissistic and ignorant decision imo, but I try not to judge them for it. I was provided for materially but there's always been a void that I felt normal families didn't suffer from, and I resented and resent normal families who never seemed to have had to go through such things, even the ones that tried to help us because I felt they were condescending and being disrespectful of our experiences and boundaries.

 

[Definitelyworried]

My dad did things to me. He was also very psychologically abusive. A regular day was sitting on the couch with him watching porn. My mom is basically what you would expect. She tried really hard to spend time with me when I was young, but it faded with money problems and so on because she had to work so much. We grew apart, so I spent most of my teenage years alone or with my father, being drunk. I had friends, and made them easily, but I didn't connect to anyone. My mom was in a horrible accident and I became her caretaker when I was 15. I didn't have much of a childhood. I got bullied a lot and abused by other people, so eventually I just withdrew.

As an adult I kind of went wild. Went through a lot of people and dealt with a lot of bullshit. I've been in therapy for 4 years and despite finally finding a good therapist in the last 6 months, I know it's too late. I can feel it. All of that abuse took it's toll and even with all the determination I had to overcome it, it's slipping away. It all impacts everything I do. Everything I think. I'm more or less incapable of caring for other people in any kind of real way. I've tried to be a better person than what I came from, but it's all just so fucked all the time. I do the "right" things, but it feels like nothing. People love me and care about me, but I have nothing to give them. I live in a sea of apathy.

I could relate to the way you feel so much. Thanks for posting this.