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John Smith
Arcanist
- Aug 6, 2018
- 424
What happened? Did it screw you up for life?
Well it's good to know im not the only one. How did u learn to talk with deaf parents?
Well if that were the case it wouldnt be so bad. I wasn´t taught love nor happiness. I dont know how to be happy no matter what I keep trying.Are u saying it made u a sociopath without emotion?
im sorry to hear that. Ya know most people dont know how painful depression and anxiety, schizophrenia , etc can be. But when people see someone with a physical disability they have never ending compassion for them even if they arent in any pain. I think alot of people cant empathasize because their lives have been too good and they truly dont understand other people's pain. I empathize with u though because i do understand.Well if that were the case it wouldnt be so bad. I wasn´t taught love nor happiness. I dont know how to be happy no matter what I keep trying.
I can only feel sad, empty and lonely. I never knew much else. In the rare times I manage to break a real smile it almost hurts because its so empty.
really? Well there goes my idea of sri lanka being a very peaceful buddhist country i guess. Is it just beatings or emotional abuse as wellMy mum abused me my whole life, physically, emotionally and verbally - still am. I'm Sri Lankan and 99.9% of Sri Lankan parents beat their kids for "discipline" or whatever. My dad was an alcoholic and well the alcohol was important to him and now it's ruined his life. I don't want to go in depth about it. I loathe both of them.
really? Well there goes my idea of sri lanka being a very peaceful buddhist country i guess. Is it just beatings or emotional abuse as well
i guess most people just ignore all the messages of love and compassion taught by their religionI can't say they're all peaceful and I personally got emotionally abused too. I remember I would be happy to be at school so I can be with my friends and away from home.
I can relate to this so much... Did you want to injure them seriously or you still want it? I a lot.yes and yes. screwed me up because what i learned from my parents is:
naturally, i have no sense of self, stressed out like crazy, paranoid about ever making a mistake, never sure if my feelings are legitimate. only figured this stuff recently because when you grow up in this environment, you don't know any better. i wish i was never born.
- no matter what i do, it's always wrong. including staying up late to finish homework.
- I'm not allowed to make mistakes. i must be right the first time.
- anything that is not perfect is due to an inadequacy of mine, even accidents and allergies. even when someone else does something wrong to me, it's somehow my fault.
- i'm not allowed to say no. other people's wants are a priority over mine. what i want doesn't matter. i don't matter.
- sex is bad. all men are dogs (i am male). i am ugly (with specifics).
the only good side is that I'm great at figuring stuff out on my own; making plans, contingency plans, backup plans, disaster recovery plans; good at debugging and details; open-mindedness, empathy, and accepting others.
So much agree... Nobody should have kids in generalPoor people shouldn't have kids.
I know you are just being over dramatic, but I am going to say it anyways. Bullshit.So much agree... Nobody should have kids in general![]()
I could relate to the way you feel so much. Thanks for posting this.My dad did things to me. He was also very psychologically abusive. A regular day was sitting on the couch with him watching porn. My mom is basically what you would expect. She tried really hard to spend time with me when I was young, but it faded with money problems and so on because she had to work so much. We grew apart, so I spent most of my teenage years alone or with my father, being drunk. I had friends, and made them easily, but I didn't connect to anyone. My mom was in a horrible accident and I became her caretaker when I was 15. I didn't have much of a childhood. I got bullied a lot and abused by other people, so eventually I just withdrew.
As an adult I kind of went wild. Went through a lot of people and dealt with a lot of bullshit. I've been in therapy for 4 years and despite finally finding a good therapist in the last 6 months, I know it's too late. I can feel it. All of that abuse took it's toll and even with all the determination I had to overcome it, it's slipping away. It all impacts everything I do. Everything I think. I'm more or less incapable of caring for other people in any kind of real way. I've tried to be a better person than what I came from, but it's all just so fucked all the time. I do the "right" things, but it feels like nothing. People love me and care about me, but I have nothing to give them. I live in a sea of apathy.