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vadim

vadim

Disqualified From Being Human
Aug 10, 2023
72
What it says. Basically, I see no point in ever trying to put my reasons for killing myself into writing because I can't ever capture them fully when I try to and I don't believe I could ever make the readers understand what was really going through my mind. There's also the fact that I am simply too exhausted to feel like doing anything 95% of the time (though finally going through with an act of suicide would probably have to be done during the 5% so who really knows, maybe there will be a letter after all).

The only thing that persuades me even a bit that writing a letter would be worthwhile is that I might somehow be able to give people in my life more closure than had I not written one. I might also make things worse for them though. For example, I might mention a problem I had and it makes them think "I should have noticed that/been able to help them with that/etc." So because I have no way of knowing whether it would help or not, or make things worse, leaving behind a note ultimately seems pointless and futile.

Thoughts?
 
Homo erectus

Homo erectus

Mage
Mar 7, 2023
560
Maybe write down the username and password and ask the person who reads it come here to describe the method and say it was successful.
 
vadim

vadim

Disqualified From Being Human
Aug 10, 2023
72
Maybe write down the username and password and ask the person who reads it come here to describe the method and say it was successful.
Bringing them to this site to potentially see my posts would undoubtedly make the grieving process harder for them, but it would be very interesting if it were ever possible to conduct such research. At the very least it might be funny for some.
 
Homo erectus

Homo erectus

Mage
Mar 7, 2023
560
Bringing them to this site to potentially see my posts would undoubtedly make the grieving process harder for them, but it would be very interesting if it were ever possible to conduct such research. At the very least it might be funny for some.
That's the problem. The posts here can't be deleted. I don't like some of the things I've written here. It's better to keep the account secret.
 
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spiritmoon

spiritmoon

hi there.
Jul 14, 2023
71
That's the problem. The posts here can't be deleted. I don't like some of the things I've written here. It's better to keep the account secret.
Same. I was planning on leaving a suicide note but instead I'm just gonna hang out with everyone I love when the day does get here. There's no way I can articulate my thoughts onto text, the most they'll probably find are my posts on here, which I doubt they'll find let alone look into. I've said some things on here, especially about my mom that I regret but I can't delete them.

Idk. Perhaps I'll make a YouTube video.
 
Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
I'm sorry to say this but, in my experience, people just won't understand your reasons. People never understood my pain, even the ones who truly loved me and tried to get it. They are just too different internally. Even when I explain and they conceptually understand, they can't grasp the intensity of it.
 
B

bipbapbop

Student
Mar 7, 2024
124
I don't want to prepare people for when I CTB in any way whatsoever. Similarly, I don't feel the need to leave a note. I don't even fully understand the purpose of the note. I'm in pain, everyone knows. What more do you need?
 
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TimeTrigger48

TimeTrigger48

Member
Jan 15, 2024
8
I dont think anyone close to me would be surprised about why I killed myself. They know the problems im dealing with. The note isnt really necessary.
This is where I stand. It would be self explanatory given the context of my life.
 
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N

nothingtolivefor

Member
Mar 17, 2024
14
I don't see the point personally. Those who will be hurt won't accept any explanation. They'll never understand CTB is really what is best for me. No words can make them understand that.
It also risks me being looked for too early and found and "saved" and left a half-concious vegetable
 
thinvy

thinvy

Woefully Yours, Luka
Aug 7, 2023
189
I think I'll be leaving instructions post death and not much else tbh. I think if I were to write a note now, it would be filled with too much pent up wrath and I don't want to have to edit out what I don't actually mean when the time comes.
can't decide if I want to scorn everyone in death or if I want to send loving care, do I guess I'll send nothing lol
 
S

Stoked

Member
Mar 18, 2024
19
thought about it, but quite certain i won't. at most maybe just a brief note with bullet points - what to do with my stuff and who I wanna give what etc
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
8,167
I don't think I'm gonna write a note, I don't know what to say anyway. Maybe it's as short as 1 sentence.
 
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cantthinkofusername

cantthinkofusername

wannabe girl
Feb 25, 2024
100
i dont think anyone can really understand what its like to be someone without first living their life
i dont plan on leaving a note, i cant capture who i am in a note, and it feels wrong to try
ive been keeping a journal for a few months, i hope when i die, my family can at least try to understand me from it
i dont think they ever will understand, but i dont want to leave them with nothing
 
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Fennec123

Fennec123

Member
Nov 26, 2022
52
I have written several personal messages to my closest friends and some longer ones for my ex and someone who wronged me. On the day i CTB I'll set them to auto send 48 hours after. Might do a final tweet too, but eh.

It's funny... it's not like any of it matters, but i guess while im still alive, it's "nice" to know that I can have a final say to those people and attempt to help them see why I did it, and ask for their forgiveness.

The only "suicide note" ill physically leave, is an apology note to the hotel staff.
 
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L

Let Me Go

Member
Jan 12, 2024
12
Well I've seen some tv shows where a psychic medium connects to those who committed suicide to offer closure for loved ones they left behind. It's heartbreaking to see people not able to move on years later. So for this reason I will leave a note to give assurances… it's not their fault, it is not them, there's nothing they could have done to change the outcome, etc. Even though they may not understand my pain, they don't need to blame themselves either. It's hard enough losing people we love, you know. The last thing I want is for my siblings to blame themselves or wonder what if for years and years.
 
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S

surroundedbydemons

Student
Mar 6, 2024
108
I thought about writing a note for a while with the knowledge and useful info I have accumulated over the years, leave all my passwords, and write the reason.
But then I thought, those who really care about all this stuff will figure it out eventually.
I genuinely will not do one... I'm Going to CTB in my room with my door open and let them figure it out.
This captures the reason why I would not write one.

Additionally, as @vadim noted, people might not still be able to understand your reasoning anyway, and that is perfectly normal (I mean, "normal" as in common in real life - people go on about their lives based on their assumptions and, generally, it might be hard for them to find justification for other people's actions). Also, the probability to traumatize by mentioning the problems and not mentioning the problems is exactly the same, so why bother...


For those people, who have not decided (don't know), and are going through with (well... you know...) it, I suggest flipping a coin. Think about it like that: if you have mixed feelings, then you would be indifferent between the coin landing heads or tails; if you do know what you actually want, then you will figure it out while the coin is in the air. Sorry for the unwarranted advice :smiling:
 
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xsa

xsa

I need more time
Oct 7, 2023
209
Theres no point in me writing a note. I have nothing to say, nothing to apologize for, nothing to do. Itd be a waste of paper.
 
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Siriusv11

Siriusv11

New Member
May 7, 2023
3
I don't see the point personally. Those who will be hurt won't accept any explanation. They'll never understand CTB is really what is best for me. No words can make them understand that.
It also risks me being looked for too early and found and "saved" and left a half-concious vegetable
for that reason i was kinda tempted have an automated email go out a day or 2 after my roomates were expected back from their holidays
 
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R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,314
I have decided none of my families deserve an explanation. I made a choice that best suits me. You can't turn a blind eye all this time and expect an explanation anyways.
 
tronix

tronix

Member
Mar 23, 2024
62
Well, I don't want to writer a note but lately I've been thinking I should leave some information about my cat and who should take care of him when I'm gone. I don't want my cat to be the victim od my suicide, to be forgotten by others and not taken care of. He deserves better.
But then... I don't know, it sounds so childish? To be so concerned about a cat?
 
banshee-elegy

banshee-elegy

Member
Mar 17, 2024
6
I love writing and journaling in general, so I always assumed I'd leave a note. But now I think that was just romanticization.

Now I know that nothing will give my loved ones closure, and I could never fully explain. I think a half explanation would be worse than no explanation at all; I don't want them to fixate on what I did and didn't say. I don't trust myself to preemptively know what they need to hear or what their grief will look like. That gives me a lot of worry and guilt, and I feel saddened every day that they don't know these are our final months together, but I have to accept that their reaction is out of my hands. I really know CTB is for the best. I have to accept that the only humane things I can do for them are to get my financial affairs in order and to CTB at a hotel instead of at home.
 
L

Ligottian

Warlock
Dec 19, 2021
727
No plan to write a note. Either online or the old pen and paper way.
 
Ww42

Ww42

Student
Feb 24, 2024
104
I don't think suicide needs a note. It's pretty obvious the amount of suffering one must have went through if they end their life. It'll be evident when they find my corpse
 
tsumihoroboshi

tsumihoroboshi

Lost Impact
Oct 31, 2023
158
since i was a kid, i've written so many suicide notes that i just threw away. when we moved from one house, they had found all my suicides notes i never actually threw away and they thought my mom was keeping me in a closet cus i never left my room. it was a funny situation.

i stopped writing them entirely a couple of years ago because i saw no reason to. i've thought about writing another one like, so my mom doesn't blame herself and also to leave a will of some sorts. in general though, i've always told her it's not her fault that my life got this bad. it's other people and factors...and myself.

leaving a note is just moot. even if i did leave one, it would bring no closure.

if they somehow can get into my phone or pc, it could be obvious what's caused the spiral.
 
tbo

tbo

Member
Apr 3, 2024
28
I don't have any kids and a close friend of mine died a couple of years ago. No suicide notes, no one will be devastated by my death.
 

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