Help who am i?

[Life_and_Death]

(i cant think of a title so im just gonna start the body and see what i figure out as i go. right now im stuck between "who am i?" and "lgbt+")

people call me "her" and it doesnt really feel wrong but its.......idk like a passing thought.

(i figured it out. im gonna go with "who am i?" because well.....idk. the purpose of the other title was really only to attract those people because i figured they would be able to explain it best seeing how they are kind of where i am. at least thats the understanding i get from the tv and internet so if im wrong blame them but basically that feeling of "something isnt quite right" anyway back to the post itself lol.)

some back story as to why i believe idk. i was originally growing up on a farm and even when i wasnt there i would go back and visit every chance i had until just before i turned 11. so i kind of grew up tomboy like, "dirt dont hurt" type of thing. but then when i got older i was raised as.....well both i guess. my stepdad would have me out in the garage working on stuff and my mother would be in the house braiding my hair and painting my nails (no i wasnt in the garage and house at the same time lol). and it wasnt anything ever really talked about. (the entire topic in general, not the way they were "raising" me)

basically my gender is just there. its like im nothing. im just human. im just here. idk. most times i dont much care but i was playing a game that has a nonbinary character and then my friend and i started talking about how in the game the character is referred to as "they" and he said how its both, although i thought that was gender fluid (both of us are very far away from being professionals on the subject so if i worded something poorly dont hate me, just politely correct me and explain why so i can understand better. hating me for it wont fix anything just make "you" more upset for a reason that could have been avoided. anyway....again, wow i go off track sometimes....no no no just go back to the post). them being called "they" made me wonder what nothing was called and he didnt know and i didnt know so i was kind of hopeful someone here understands or maybe can take a logical guess that sounds believable? and while youre answering the question: what is nothing called? maybe you can help me with the whole thing in general. it just feels kinda empty......

 

[Amumu]

Maybe you just have some aspects of your personality which are deemed "masculine" by society.
Tbh, I've always been told I had an extremely "feminine" personality in a quite "masculine" body - while I'm perfectly straight.
I remember when I was kid, a girl told me "why do you draw flowers on your book? Boys draw weapons on their books."
Even at the time, I didn't understand.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Maybe you just have some aspects of your personality which are deemed "masculine" by society.
Tbh, I've always been told I had an extremely "feminine" personality in a quite "masculine" body - while I'm perfectly straight.
I remember when I was kid, a girl told me "why do you draw flowers on your book? Boys draw weapons on their books."
Even at the time, I didn't understand.

its not so much an external thing as much as it is internal. i dont care about how i act. "if you dont like it then you must not like me for me and if you dont like me then i dont need you and im not going to be fake just to make you happy" type thing. its just an empty emotional feeling that something isnt right but i cant quite put my finger on it, however something internally is out of place.

 

[succor]

Hi there, I'm actually well versed in gender studies and if "they/them" doesn't feel comfortable to you (as it doesn't for some nonbinary people- some nonbinary people accept they/them as a completely genderless and neutral set of pronouns while others don't feel that way and both viewpoints are completely valid) there there are things called "neo-pronouns". These include xe/xyr, ze/zir, ve/ver, ne/nem/nir, ey/em/eir, etc. There are many extensive lists online of these neopronouns. I even know people who avoid pronouns alltogether, preferring to only be referred to by their name. If you have any questions please let me know and I'll do my best to offer some advice/resources/anecdotes.

I understand struggling with the journey of gender identity, having traversed it myself. I came out as a transman when I was still in middle school and it was rough. Let me know if I can be of any help.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hi there, I'm actually well versed in gender studies and if "they/them" doesn't feel comfortable to you (as it doesn't for some nonbinary people- some nonbinary people accept they/them as a completely genderless and neutral set of pronouns while others don't feel that way and both viewpoints are completely valid) there there are things called "neo-pronouns". These include xe/xyr, ze/zir, ve/ver, ne/nem/nir, ey/em/eir, etc. There are many extensive lists online of these neopronouns. I even know people who avoid pronouns alltogether, preferring to only be referred to by their name. If you have any questions please let me know and I'll do my best to offer some advice/resources/anecdotes.

I understand struggling with the journey of gender identity, having traversed it myself. I came out as a transman when I was still in middle school and it was rough. Let me know if I can be of any help.

in a few way yes lol. what do the "neo-pronouns" mean. im still trying to understand the more common identity issues lol.

also i hate my name. and other names. i just refer to people as "hey" and they always just answer me. and whenever someone says my name it makes my stomach a little queasy, although im not exactly sure why but that doesnt change the way i feel about.

thank you btw. i was honestly a little scared that someone was going to get upset because i said something wrong. of course im sure you guessed that by the "dont get mad at me" part lol

 

[succor]

The neo-pronouns are essentially just pronouns that people can use to speak about you without attaching either of the gender binaries (male or female) to you. For example, if you don't want to use "they" like other nonbinary people might (For example, "I saw Alex at the store. They were looking for bananas." Instead you might use "I saw Alex at the store. Xe was looking for bananas.") Neo-pronouns are just for the ease of understanding who is being spoken about without an attachment to gender. Some people are comfortable with they/them. Some people prefer these neo-pronouns to further distance themselves from the gender binary/gender in general.

And I understand that. A lot of nonbinary/queer/people under the trans umbrella have a lot of dysphoria or negative feelings attached to their "birth name". I, personally, hate the name I was given at birth and use a genderless, shortened version of it instead. When you reject or stop using your "birth name", it's then called a "deadname" (because obviously, you don't use it anymore). And the coolest part is, anyone can change their name or start going by another name! You don't have to be queer identifying or trans or anything to change your name, literally anyone can do it at any time! Pick whatever name or nickname makes you happy and doesn't give you that queasy feeling.

And not a problem. Everyone starts somewhere in their journey through navigating identity in any form, there's no point in scolding or getting mad at someone who's trying to learn. It's not like you were being rude or dropping slurs or anything, you're just asking questions, and there's nothing wrong with that. :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

The neo-pronouns are essentially just pronouns that people can use to speak about you without attaching either of the gender binaries (male or female) to you. For example, if you don't want to use "they" like other nonbinary people might (For example, "I saw Alex at the store. They were looking for bananas." Instead you might use "I saw Alex at the store. Xe was looking for bananas.") Neo-pronouns are just for the ease of understanding who is being spoken about without an attachment to gender. Some people are comfortable with they/them. Some people prefer these neo-pronouns to further distance themselves from the gender binary/gender in general.

i think im going to google more about this and see what i can find. THANK YOU

And I understand that. A lot of nonbinary/queer/people under the trans umbrella have a lot of dysphoria or negative feelings attached to their "birth name". I, personally, hate the name I was given at birth and use a genderless, shortened version of it instead. When you reject or stop using your "birth name", it's then called a "deadname" (because obviously, you don't use it anymore). And the coolest part is, anyone can change their name or start going by another name! You don't have to be queer identifying or trans or anything to change your name, literally anyone can do it at any time! Pick whatever name or nickname makes you happy and doesn't give you that queasy feeling.

every name does. well not every name. i like fantasy/nature names. but i havent found a name that feels like it belongs to me. and im a writer and have several different accounts with several different names, i get these names from mommy sites so ive come across a few names lol.

And not a problem. Everyone starts somewhere in their journey through navigating identity in any form, there's no point in scolding or getting mad at someone who's trying to learn. It's not like you were being rude or dropping slurs or anything, you're just asking questions, and there's nothing wrong with that. :)

i was trying to not be rude but it seems like theres always someone getting upset about something. actually accidently being rude is why ive mostly been keeping this feeling to myself or else i would have tried to understand it a lot sooner.

 

[succor]

Fun fact in regards to what you said about names, a lot of nonbinary people actually choose to go by names that aren't actually "names"! I know a few people who have chosen nouns that feel right to them and go by them. I've known a Bug, Brick, Magnolia, Fae, etc. Even someone who went by Truck! A lot of people will choose a word, whether it be an object or something from nature or even a made up name. And the beautiful thing is, you're allowed to do whatever you want! There are no rules for what you request people call you, and if someone is going to put up a stink about calling you a nickname then they probably aren't very supportive to begin with. Now, legally this is different of course, but between friends/associates? It's free game.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Fun fact in regards to what you said about names, a lot of nonbinary people actually choose to go by names that aren't actually "names"! I know a few people who have chosen nouns that feel right to them and go by them. I've known a Bug, Brick, Magnolia, Fae, etc. Even someone who went by Truck! A lot of people will choose a word, whether it be an object or something from nature or even a made up name. And the beautiful thing is, you're allowed to do whatever you want! There are no rules for what you request people call you, and if someone is going to put up a stink about calling you a nickname then they probably aren't very supportive to begin with. Now, legally this is different of course, but between friends/associates? It's free game.

neat. ill keep that in mind. and i know ive already said it a few times but thank you thank you thank you. i dont feel quite as bad about it or as empty. still mostly empty lol but i at least feel like i have a lot more options now

 

[Deleted member 17949]

idk how to personality, I prefer to refer to myself as a piece of shit which accurately describes everything about me