Discussion Which Thoughts make you want to CTB instantly?

[Black Rose Bunny]

When I think about how I've never had a close friend, and how few and far between normal friends are. I'm always going to be alone and I'll never even know why.

When I think about all the cringy and/or mean things I've said and done before.

When I think about how long I'vebeen dealing with my mental illness.

When I think about how meaningless life is and how nothing brings me joy.

Never had a boyfriend and won't be able to find one that isn't 10 years older than me.

When I think about all the mean things people have said and done to me, thinking about how much people hate me.

When I look in the mirror or at photos of myself.

When I think about how unsuccessful Iam compared to other people.

When I think about how my gender transition has been a complete failure.

When I think about my lost childhood.

When I think about how I have the wrong sex organs.

When I think about how people, including myself won't ever see me for me.

When I go on certain subreddits and read all the posts on how disgusting people think trans people are.

When I think about the strain my mental health places on the people around me.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

My wife telling false trash on me to a lot of people, what if the judge believes her? That would be so unfair that I want to die right now.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Being a wage slave, and knowing how normalized it is.

"Listen SpongeBob, I order the food. You cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die." - Squidward

Why suffer all that when you can just skip to the dying part.

 

[theguineapigking]

Had to put my cat down last night and I think that has pushed me over the edge

Sorry to hear that. We had to put our dog down recently.


I sure hope if there's an afterlife that it's good. Maybe we can see our animals again.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

My wife telling false trash on me to a lot of people, what if the judge believes her? That would be so unfair that I want to die right now.

I'm here for you. I know this is so difficult for you.

 

[porfin1234]

That I've pushed most people away with my behavior and will end up alone forever and disliked by most.
That who I was becoming is lost forever.

 

[waterbottleman]

The realization that no one has ever loved me. The realization that not one person has found me attractive since I've been adult. The realization that the only career I can ever see myself being psssionate about is a career I can not obtain. The realization that everything I want in life that would make me happy is out of my grasp, so what is the point of living anymore?

 

[SettOne1994]

romantic thoughts

 

[LMLN]

Running thoughts through my head of the evening of my husbands ctb.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I'm here for you. I know this is so difficult for you.

Thank you. It's so kind, we never ever met.

 

[Partial-Elf]

When I think about opportunities I wasted because I was an idiot (professional, educational, sexual, financial, romantic, social...)

When I think about what my life could be had I not wasted those opportunities

When I think about how I chose one of the worst possible careers and am trapped in it

When I think about how I ruined my shoulder and athleticism being an idiot

When I wake up in the morning and remember all the stupid things I've done but have to continue playing the game instead of going back to sleep

When I feel strong sexual desire for people I can't have for whatever reason

When I think about how the bourgeoisie and government are going to exploit the shit out of me end everyone I care about until we're dead (and then some)

When I think I'm only a third of the way through my projected lifespan

 

[Oyoy]

Continuously sabotaging good things even when I think I'm trying to protect them. I mean really. Even when I think I'm doing the right thing.

Just realizing how socially inept I am and how wrong I've been about people. So. Wrong.

I'm feeling the same.

 

[Lastsauce]

Mostly loneliness and boredom.
After about a decade of pushing everyone away I was finally diagnosed having Avoidant Personality Disorder possible triggered by anoxia from accidental CO poisoning.

 

[AlreadyGone]

The thought that I tried everything in my power to improve my situation, and I still failed.

 

[yami9292]

Feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone nor myself. Knowing I'm and never will be anyone's first choice. My body, my eating disorder, just having to deal with it all and caring too much about my physical appearance and knowing I'll never look pretty or attractive. People in my life making me want to do it more. Knowing I'll always be depressed, can't even do school right, getting nowhere in life and always being behind. Never feeling connected to anyone and knowing i never really will be anyway. I will live a boring life and die a boring uneventful way. I also hate that I had no choice in my life, where I was born, who my family is, how I naturally look. Everything seems so pointless.

 

[LongSeason]

Knowing that nobody will ever truly love me and that I'll always be isolated from other people, whether it's because of my looks or because I am too depressing.
I wish I could just be killed, I don't think I'll ever be able to CTB...
Right now it's probably cowardice that is keeping me alive, I don't think it's because of guilt for hurting the few people I know, they could move on easily.