Help Where to start!

[constantdarkness88]

I have been on this site since I found it over a week ago.
Is it bad to say I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the emptiness, sadness, despair, pain etc that depression seeps into us?

Tomorrow is my cousins 6 month anniversary of her passing by suicide. The grief of her loss has hurled me into another layer of a depressive state. Is it wrong to be jealous of someone who has managed to CTB when you haven't?
Even now i explicitly hear myself say I want to die and I still cannot succeed. I can't even do that right! Everything is overwhelming and I am yet still trying to complete my masters. My mind is manic and slowly it's showing to others.
I asked my GP at what point will you section me?

Help it to be easy to complete my time. I cannot even compute how to get SN, hours on the web and I can't even manage to figure it out!
In the ibis of darkness, pain and grief needing it all to end.
X

 

[user39]

same struggling to find SN

 

[constantdarkness88]

It makes everything even more frustrating! x

 

[GasMonkey]

Tomorrow is my cousins 6 month anniversary of her passing by suicide.

I wonder if she was a SaSu member.
What method did she use?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it makes sense feeling envious of someone who has ctb, as after all to die does solve all problems and the non existent cannot suffer anymore. Ctb really can be so unnecessarily difficult in this world so I admire those who had the courage to overcome all the obstacles involved in exiting this world. But I understand that it really can be so awful feeling trapped in this world when you wish to be gone, I hate how hard it is to voluntarily die. We are all just destined to cease existing anyway so we shouldn't have to struggle so much to exit at a time of our own choosing.

 

[constantdarkness88]

I wonder if she was a SaSu member.
What method did she use?

I do not know if she was. The more I read here I think possibly she could be. She would have had to do some research surely? It can't just be one day I am outta here, bam it's done.
Hanging - I don't know all the acronyms and lingo im afraid.
Today marks 6 months her passing. And today is the inquest into her death.
I live abroad so won't be attending. So I live through the pain of our family and my own pain.

I think of how she was too good for this world. It should have been me not her. If I had managed to CTB then I might have saved her. The most beautiful being who always shone light.

How will I make it through today?
How will I continue to make it through each day if I can't CTB?