Where the hell do I fit in?

[Darmok]

I am still around and still pretty depressed. I have tried off and on over the last two months. Never quite wanting to go through with it. But I also am not interested in living. This halfway state is almost torture for me. Unable to enjoy life, but also afraid to leav it behind.

This kind of half-living is absolute torture for me. I just want it to end. But I can't find it in me to do so.

 

[stupidhuman]

I also suffer from diagnosed medium to severe depression with suicidal idealization.
Many people say that ingesting Magic Mushrooms gives them clearance and answers to important stuff in their life.
Not pushing anyone to try drugs (on the other hands this is a SS forum lol)
I've only took ~1,2g without any answers but someone here told me it's not enough.
I agree on that. The introspection was really deep but I I felt like there's even more to it. Like an abyss.
It's crazy and also scary to think about that.

 

[Unknown21]

Indecisiveness is hell. I also find it difficult to engage in anything, even the things that distract me from my life no longer do. Recently I realized that I have to do CTB, although I am not completely ready but I think I will have to go through it anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful and tiring what you are going through, I certainly understand that it's torturous suffering in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[tired12345]

I'm new here OP and couldn't agree with you more, the half living and the other half wanting to die so bad is tormenting, hopefully we can beat this indecision in time and follow whatever path it may take us on.

 

[Darmok]

I think the answer may be as simple as re engaging with my meds.

 

[Changedmymind]

I also suffer from diagnosed medium to severe depression with suicidal idealization.
Many people say that ingesting Magic Mushrooms gives them clearance and answers to important stuff in their life.
Not pushing anyone to try drugs (on the other hands this is a SS forum lol)
I've only took ~1,2g without any answers but someone here told me it's not enough.
I agree on that. The introspection was really deep but I I felt like there's even more to it. Like an abyss.
It's crazy and also scary to think about that.

Same situation for me years ago, started growing shrooms and ate 2-2,5g twice a week for months. That's a normal dose that you can do solo with no problems and meditate with. I'd say it mostly made me feel like I was not put on this Earth, rather I am of it, or from it. And it doesn't answer any questions, just makes you ask better questions.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

None of us will be able to feel regret when we're dead. But we will feel all suffering while we are still alive..