Help Where should I take SN tomorrow?

[CantWait2D1E]

Okay, my wife is about to leave for work for about 4-5hrs and this is the only time I'm going to have alone for a few days. I am having trouble because I'll have to leave my dog who is obsessed with me and all I can see is my wife coming home and I'm not here. Then she will panic more and all night and I don't have a lot of time to die before being found and possibly saved. I have been here every evening while she works just a depressed lump so straying from that is making it harder. She's used to texting me all night while she works. So I have now, or I have sometime next week. Monday is our wedding anniversary. I can't bear it because I'm so checked out and angry and she's not. It's hard to tolerate being near her. It's awful. I'm scared to leave in the middle of the night while she's asleep because she's a light sleeper. I'm so conflicted but I literally cannot tolerate life. She cares so much about me and that makes me so angry and I just want to run but I don't want to hurt her. Sorry just venting. I wish I could just take the SN at home, it would be so much easier :(

Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. And leaving your dog behind? I know how difficult that can be to come to terms with. I'm obsessed with my little dachshund. Gosh, your situation is much more complicated than mine.
My advice is, only you know what's best for you. If you truly think CTB is that than don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of that. Sometimes a good support system is not enough. Don't feel obligated to stick around for anyone else's pleasure like some pet (like your dog).

It seems like you will have more opportunities in the future to commit this act. which is why I urge you not to make a hasty decision this day. I'd hate for this to be our last correspondence, I'm very interested in learning about you and your story (if you're willing).

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. And leaving your dog behind? I know how difficult that can be to come to terms with. I'm obsessed with my little dachshund. Gosh, your situation is much more complicated than mine.
My advice is, only you know what's best for you. If you truly think CTB is that than don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of that. Sometimes a good support system is not enough. Don't feel obligated to stick around for anyone else's pleasure like some pet (like your dog).

It seems like you will have more opportunities in the future to commit this act. which is why I urge you not to make a hasty decision this day. I'd hate for this to be our last correspondence, I'm very interested in learning about you and your story (if you're willing).

I have lived my whole life to please other people. I want to finally do something for myself. I just booked a hotel room for the night. So I have this evening and then overnight to possibly leave.

I have been fighting for a long time. 11+ years diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses, and 19 years before that just struggling to be a human. A lot of trauma. A lot of suicide attempts. A lot of hospitals. Medications. Therapy. You're very sweet. I just can't bear living through this weekend or my anniversary, it's too much. I don't want to hurt my wife and I can't pretend anymore.

 

[CantWait2D1E]

I understand. To give your all to others until there is nothing of you left. It is a terrible thing that happens to people like us. I wish you well with whatever transpires tonight. It seems like you're ready going as far as booking the hotel.

Thank you for the insight. As a single person (probably forever) I was curious where it all went wrong as I deem marriage as some kind of "success" in life. I see now these were things you were struggling with long before that and probably long afterwards too. A pity how outward appearances can be so misleading.

I'll be keeping a close eye on you tonight in case you have any further updates or final thoughts to share. You will not be alone in this.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I understand. To give your all to others until there is nothing of you left. It is a terrible thing that happens to people like us. I wish you well with whatever transpires tonight. It seems like you're ready going as far as booking the hotel.

Thank you for the insight. As a single person (probably forever) I was curious where it all went wrong as I deem marriage as some kind of "success" in life. I see now these were things you were struggling with long before that and probably long afterwards too. A pity how outward appearances can be so misleading.

I'll be keeping a close eye on you tonight in case you have any further updates or final thoughts to share. You will not be alone in this.

Yeah, my wife saved my life. I met her when I was still reeling from a suicide attempt and she gave me the best few years of my life. I just can't do it anymore. It has nothing to do with her. She's perfect and amazing.

Thank you so much. I'm at the hotel now. Getting ready to go check in.
I'm checked into the hotel. It feels so horrible doing this behind everyone's back. It's awful that this is the only way to do it. Going to take Zofran and ibuprofen in a minute then chill for a few until I'm ready for the SN
Just took the zofran. I'm nauseous already and I haven't even made the drink… cool

 

[CantWait2D1E]

I've seen other people say they've been nauseous just possessing the SN. Must be some weird SI thing going on.
Hope you booked yourself the Presidential Suite. Live like a king for a day
No point in feeling bad about what your doing. Of course it would be nice to express your final goodbyes to everyone and openly discuss why you're doing this but that's just not the world we live in.

 

[Ruma]

If your not 100% ready to go,please think things through. Maybe go with option 3,like you've said you'll be safe there. X

 

[stilhavinightmares]

If your not 100% ready to go,please think things through. Maybe go with option 3,like you've said you'll be safe there. X

Thanks for your opinion it's just really terrible there - loud and uncomfortable, bright lights, no phone or anything to occupy self, uggg

 

[lebrodude]

I've seen other people say they've been nauseous just possessing the SN. Must be some weird SI thing going on.
Hope you booked yourself the Presidential Suite. Live like a king for a day
No point in feeling bad about what your doing. Of course it would be nice to express your final goodbyes to everyone and openly discuss why you're doing this but that's just not the world we live in.

I'm guessing it's probably the anxiety. When I'm really anxious I always feel the need to vomit. It's a bitch.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I'm guessing it's probably the anxiety. When I'm really anxious I always feel the need to vomit. It's a bitch.

Hell yeah it is. I'm really fucking scared it's going to make me fail.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Hell yeah it is. I'm really fucking scared it's going to make me fail.

Run. You're not ready yet. Sorry if I'm rude, but that's my feeling.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Run. You're not ready yet. Sorry if I'm rude, but that's my feeling.

Thank you. I'm leaning that way.

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

It's a possibility that any renter should be aware of and prepare for, is all I'm saying. Just like acknowledging the fact that if you give your keys to a bunch of 21 year olds there probably gonna party and smoke a ton of weed on your property. I'm not gonna argue whether it's moral or immoral to CTB in someone's home cause then we go down the rabbit hole of if CTBing itself is immoral.

I, like OP, don't really want to do it in an Airbnb, but at the same time I'm not gonna knock anyone else who might choose so. If they want their final moments to be living it up in someone's home, who are any of us to stop them? They'll be gone, and others will clean up the mess and continue on life as they always have.

I just don't agree with the whole "fear of discovery" aspect of all that. Literally someone is always going to find you. Maybe unless you go like 30+ miles into the wilderness. You will traumatize someone. Emergency responders are as much a human as you or I. Just because they've seen a body or two doesn't mean they won't be effected in some way by yours. I appreciate looking out for others and all that but it is just not a possibility in this scenario.

I don't think your comparison with weed and 21 year olds makes any sense. Not remotely similar in any aspect. That's relatively inconsequential as a set of circumstances.

And yes, it is quite obvious that emergency responders are trained for the situations they encounter. You've already touched on that key difference. It is true that somebody is always going to react to the scene, but it is also true that we have a degree of control over how that comes about and that is what I am advocating thought over if there is an opportunity to do so. There isn't always, but the entire point of the thread is that there is an option.

I'm not "knocking" OP. Ultimately it's completely up to them. But if they seek advice on a topic specifically about pros and cons of locations then they're getting it, it's not really a matter of criticising.

 

[Tartuffe]

Peace to you what ever you do. Only you know if it's your turn to get on the bus, others here doubting you dont know you or what you've gone through other than the small candid details you have given.

 

[Outandproud]

Thank you. I'm leaning that way.

You can go home or still sleep in the hotel and chill out. Not doing anything, just sleep and watch tv. Seems like your wife and your dog are great, but you still need some time alone. You could have your own room in your home. If i had a parthner i would do it that way, each having their own space.

 

[general bacon]

Are you still with us OP?

 

[CantWait2D1E]

Are you still with us OP?

In a separate thread he stated he aborted his plans. I think he is recovering in a mental hospital right now

Edit: here's the thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sorry-if-false-alarm-about-to-take-sn.110750/

 

[general bacon]

In a separate thread he stated he aborted his plans. I think he is recovering in a mental hospital right now

Edit: here's the thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sorry-if-false-alarm-about-to-take-sn.110750/

Thank you, it's been on my mind for awhile now.

 

[Zegers]

I'm on the fence between an airbnb or a hotel, I just want a good view.

 

[CantWait2D1E]

Thank you, it's been on my mind for awhile now.

Me too. Something about that user's story really resonated with me. Glad he is giving recovery another try at least for the sake of his wife. Didn't seem like he was ready to go just yet so it's great he didn't do something hasty and irreversible.

 

[general bacon]

Me too. Something about that user's story really resonated with me. Glad he is giving recovery another try at least for the sake of his wife. Didn't seem like he was ready to go just yet so it's great he didn't do something hasty and irreversible.

Same here, I feel like you should be 100% certain, so I'm glad he stuck it out. Though I feel sad that he feels he is a failure for not following through. I believe either way he should be considered brave.