Unrecognizable7
Student
- Mar 22, 2025
- 152
Short life story: I was severely neglected by my parents, single mom highy suicidal, got fat, got bullied, no friends, anorexia but still got bullied, still had remaining gynecomastia, very feminine body, small ribcage, feminine chest, wide hips, SEVERLEY recessed jaw and midface lol (male, all this anxiety mustve fucked my hormones) still wasnt respected tho i worked out a lot .gained weight back from ssri, went off to study law, did okayish but rarely went in person, went to clinic for four months, didnt help, also had 5 therapists for bdd, didnt help, quit law, moved in with dad, work half day for 3 years, no money. My mom is super esoteric and i have no contact after i told her i wanna kms and she said pray to god. Got real bad this year, made jaw appt for insurance to cover as i have health issues but they said bite is fine. It is, its very set back tho and i gotta have sleep apnea. But in home sleep studies said i just snore. I wake up with headache all the tine. They tell me lose weight but i cant rly due to face looking like its melting when i do cause no cheekbones, then panic, always look tired, always am. Wasnt not tired tho when i was super thin so.
Therapists cant help me. Met a girl online that i love and she accepts me and has had a bf die from ctb last year but it doesnt make this any better. I feel so guilty. No irl friends left and the ones i had always treated me like they were doing me a favor by hanging out with me.
I feel like i have nowhere left to turn to but killing myself is so hard cause im also a narcicisst (diagnosed among other stuff) and i want a payoff for all this suffering and i wanna finally feel free to talk to people without feeling shame. I have trouble coming to terms with this being the end. But its been like 20 years of suffering, 12 since anorexia and then i still had hope.
Like, is it doomed or do you guys have any ideas lol. I live in germany.
Idk why my childhood body and face gotta be so fucked, i wish i was exaggerating but then i wouldnt get made fun of or be here.
I am clinging on to life but running out of ideas genuiney
What i did already: try ssri, anti psychotics, ritalin, had 5 different therapists and was in a clinic for 4 months, now im trying to do the actual physical stuff but no money and some stuff is unfixable but maybe itd help, bdd therapists say "physical change wont help but therapy and meds havent helped in a decade
Therapists cant help me. Met a girl online that i love and she accepts me and has had a bf die from ctb last year but it doesnt make this any better. I feel so guilty. No irl friends left and the ones i had always treated me like they were doing me a favor by hanging out with me.
I feel like i have nowhere left to turn to but killing myself is so hard cause im also a narcicisst (diagnosed among other stuff) and i want a payoff for all this suffering and i wanna finally feel free to talk to people without feeling shame. I have trouble coming to terms with this being the end. But its been like 20 years of suffering, 12 since anorexia and then i still had hope.
Like, is it doomed or do you guys have any ideas lol. I live in germany.
Idk why my childhood body and face gotta be so fucked, i wish i was exaggerating but then i wouldnt get made fun of or be here.
I am clinging on to life but running out of ideas genuiney
What i did already: try ssri, anti psychotics, ritalin, had 5 different therapists and was in a clinic for 4 months, now im trying to do the actual physical stuff but no money and some stuff is unfixable but maybe itd help, bdd therapists say "physical change wont help but therapy and meds havent helped in a decade
