Discussion Where did it all go wrong?

[Toxinebulaic]

What's that one point in your life where everything started going downhill?

Everyone reading this and able to reply is here for a reason, and I understand that a lot of people's circumstances can be cumulative. That being said, I know the point where things took a sharp dip for me. If anybody else would be willing to share, I'm willing to read.

Here's mine.

Honestly, everything was manageable until I stopped respecting myself for someone else's sake. I really dropped my guard and ignored my boundaries to make somebody feel good, but what made them feel good was to hurt me. Mentally and physically. I ended up thinking I deserved it, and was too dependent on the adoration to leave. Then when we broke up they said that they never loved me and had used me for my body. They also threatened that if I told anyone my side of the story they would call the police and say I'd sexually assaulted them. They told everyone I sexually assaulted them anyways. That's not when the looks started, but that's when people started treating me like a predator.

That's not when the thoughts started, but that's when I started getting close to acting on them.

 

[annointed_towers]

Everything was wonderful. I had an amazing life. Then in one moment, a freak accident happened and in anger and rage I blasphemed God. He cursed me in response and my life has been ruined. It was literally one moment of my life with eternal consequences.

 

[Abyssal]

Birth.

I love my parents, but I wish they stopped and considered whether or not it would be a good idea to mix their mentally ill genes.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Around age 14

My father's alcoholism became apparent. My parents either started fighting or I just became aware of it. I lost friendships and connection with nature and became avoidant and isolated; playing video games which my my dad, used to not have to parent me, i.e., neglect. my mom tried to stop it but she was being emotionally and financially abused making her helpless to give me the support I needed.

I stumbled upon the dark net which gave me access to drugs and horrific gore videos which traumatized me and together sent me into a months/years-long sleep deprived psychosis.

I recovered from it as best as I could and went on to have relatively inconsistent happiness during university, but the chronic stress burnt me out.

Now I'm left with PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety, depression, and various cognitive issues from brain fog, executive dysfunction, inattentiveness, dissociation, impulsivity, etc.

Birth.

I love my parents, but I wish they stopped and considered whether or not it would be a good idea to mix their mentally ill genes.

Precisely why il never have kids.

I actually want to raise kids, but I never will because statistically they are likely to have a multitude of mental illnesses and adverse experiences.

I hope my well-adjusted sister has kids. She would make a great mom and somehow skipped a lot of the trauma I endured. She has ADHD and occasional bouts of depression but is functional and socially/emotionally healthy otherwise.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

When I married the wrong person and moved to Canada

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's the fact that I was forced into this existence in the first place. If other people didn't decide to procreate then I'd be peacefully and eternally unaware of the curse that is existence. It certainly is such a terrible burden to have the ability to exist as a conscious being, I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what.

 

[Darkover]

from brith terrible parents

 

[Neogoloid]

Once I realized how pointless life really is and that it's nothing more than a game of luck. I decided that I no longer wanted to partake in this.

 

[Hollowman]

When I had a bad concussion when I was a kid. All downhill from there.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Big failure in life a few years ago. All rescue attempts failed. Me ending up here.

 

[leloyon]

Birth.

I love my parents, but I wish they stopped and considered whether or not it would be a good idea to mix their mentally ill genes.

Same here, along with other circumstances to my birth. I was just born completely wrong. My country, my sex, my parents, everything was fucked from day one. And now what a surprise, I have inherited at least three mental illnesses that my parents have, and almost certainly have more due to the neglect and trauma I have experienced (yes, two people who are so depressed they can't get out of bed would make great parents!), though said trauma and neglect was just the cherry on top, I truly don't think there was any hope to begin with.

 

[sadespair]

Everything was wonderful. I had an amazing life. Then in one moment, a freak accident happened and in anger and rage I blasphemed God. He cursed me in response and my life has been ruined. It was literally one moment of my life with eternal consequences.

are you referring to this...?
Mark 3:29 - "but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin."

 

[R_N]

I can try rationalizing anything and think I would be better off this or that way but in the end the true wrong was me coming to existence.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

What's that one point in your life where everything started going downhill?

Everyone reading this and able to reply is here for a reason, and I understand that a lot of people's circumstances can be cumulative. That being said, I know the point where things took a sharp dip for me. If anybody else would be willing to share, I'm willing to read.

Here's mine.

Honestly, everything was manageable until I stopped respecting myself for someone else's sake. I really dropped my guard and ignored my boundaries to make somebody feel good, but what made them feel good was to hurt me. Mentally and physically. I ended up thinking I deserved it, and was too dependent on the adoration to leave. Then when we broke up they said that they never loved me and had used me for my body. They also threatened that if I told anyone my side of the story they would call the police and say I'd sexually assaulted them. They told everyone I sexually assaulted them anyways. That's not when the looks started, but that's when people started treating me like a predator.

That's not when the thoughts started, but that's when I started getting close to acting on them.

So u were with a narcissist it sounds like. Starts out great but then they turn into someone u don't recognize.

 

[zwillz]

I remember when I was eight my mom told me and my brother that she wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the doctor, she dropped me and my brother off at a Chick-fil-A with packed lunches and told us she'd be right back, that day my brother and I sat in that restaurant's playground for 9 hours staring at the door waiting for her to walk in, my grandmother finally picked us up and told us that we were gonna sleepover at her house that night through tears, what we didn't know at the time was my mother was in the ER faking a illness to get pain meds, she left her 2 kids alone at a playground to go score painkillers. I will never forget that feeling of abandonment and lost of trust in everything. I was never the same I developed a severe panic disorder from this thinking everytime someone was out of my sight they would never come back, this is first of many similar situations she put me and my brother through. I remember thinking even at that age of my mom didn't want me who would. My first attempt was 2 years later and it's all I still think about. Trying very hard to get to the other side of this but I know deep down that will never happen. I mainly stay alive to not burden my brother because he's been through enough. To me, it's worse than having nobody, having someone that depends on you.

 

[RichardFirst]

Everything was wonderful. I had an amazing life. Then in one moment, a freak accident happened and in anger and rage I blasphemed God. He cursed me in response and my life has been ruined. It was literally one moment of my life with eternal consequences.

God will not curse you in perpetuity if you are sorry. Have you spoken to a priest or a minister about this?

 

[enstarve]

I wonder if i geniuenly cant remember when my life went off the rails or if i have just been living this way since before i was even conscious.
Born to a bipolar mother and a borderline father, i never had the love and care i needed during childhood, and that love and care i should have gotten were replaced with horrifying physical, verbal and sexual abuse. Many times i would be left alone to fend for myself. Cooking my own meals and doing my own laundry at only 7 years old.
Ive been told by my parents that ive always had a knack for hurting myself though, notably kicking my feet against the stone walls until i bled until i found out how to cut.
I never felt like i fit in with any of my peers either. Instead, id put up a front of acting like an average lovable, naive young kid. But deep down i was always disgusted of myself. Disgusted of the purity i had to fake.

I guess the reason im the way i am is partly in my genetic code due to the history of mental illness in my family along with my own diagnosis, and the other part is being wronged by life before i even had the chance to prove to the world i was worth something. I have failed to prove myself as human.

 

[mia_qwerty]

Everything was wonderful. I had an amazing life. Then in one moment, a freak accident happened and in anger and rage I blasphemed God. He cursed me in response and my life has been ruined. It was literally one moment of my life with eternal consequences.

I'm curious to know what you did. Would you be willing to share? Do you mean you swore at God? Or you did something?

 

[Duality]

Frankly it started before my birth, with my parents. They had no future, and I was forced to grow up in that same, terrible situation. I managed to claw my way out, but it would have been much better if they never even met.

 

[hi-okbye]

beginning of the summer. and other times as well. it always happens, everything seems to be going perfectly, then in a moment my life practically falls apart right in front of my eyes.

 

[annointed_towers]

God will not curse you in perpetuity if you are sorry. Have you spoken to a priest or a minister about this?

Yes. Several.

"Mark 3:28–30 Truly I tell you, people will be forgiven for their sins and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never have forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin."

 

[kettlevinbarq]

birth

 

[penguinl0v3s]

What's that one point in your life where everything started going downhill?

Everyone reading this and able to reply is here for a reason, and I understand that a lot of people's circumstances can be cumulative. That being said, I know the point where things took a sharp dip for me. If anybody else would be willing to share, I'm willing to read.

Here's mine.

Honestly, everything was manageable until I stopped respecting myself for someone else's sake. I really dropped my guard and ignored my boundaries to make somebody feel good, but what made them feel good was to hurt me. Mentally and physically. I ended up thinking I deserved it, and was too dependent on the adoration to leave. Then when we broke up they said that they never loved me and had used me for my body. They also threatened that if I told anyone my side of the story they would call the police and say I'd sexually assaulted them. They told everyone I sexually assaulted them anyways. That's not when the looks started, but that's when people started treating me like a predator.

That's not when the thoughts started, but that's when I started getting close to acting on them.

My parents telling me that I wouldn't amount to anything. All went to hell from there and I haven't recovered.

 

[underscore_nine]

when i decided to transition it went downhill from there with depression and losing all of my friends. It was already bad before, i faced some abuse and i never fit in with anyone, never had a best friend in my 18 years on this planet.

 

[ThymeToLeave]

About ten years ago I was in no uncertain terms told that I needed help but I brushed it off. If I had taken it seriously and tried to change I wouldn't be in the position I am now.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

High-school. Got severely bullied by my teachers and almost didn't pass because of skipping classes out of fear and because of some of my teachers randomly giving me bad grades/marking me incorrectly on purpose. Also my school was extremely strict, and we're talking extremes, so basically felt like an actual prison. That was the turning point for me. Not only I lost previous friends and couldn't find new ones but constantly felt like I'm just not good enough (which I was verbally reminded almost daily). Also because of the grades and lack of motivation to study for finals (since I thought I'm too stupid anyways) my dream uni and future job went out of the window.

 

[DesperateOne]

Around age 14

My father's alcoholism became apparent. My parents either started fighting or I just became aware of it. I lost friendships and connection with nature and became avoidant and isolated; playing video games which my my dad, used to not have to parent me, i.e., neglect. my mom tried to stop it but she was being emotionally and financially abused making her helpless to give me the support I needed.

I stumbled upon the dark net which gave me access to drugs and horrific gore videos which traumatized me and together sent me into a months/years-long sleep deprived psychosis.

I recovered from it as best as I could and went on to have relatively inconsistent happiness during university, but the chronic stress burnt me out.

Now I'm left with PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety, depression, and various cognitive issues from brain fog, executive dysfunction, inattentiveness, dissociation, impulsivity, etc.

Precisely why il never have kids.

I actually want to raise kids, but I never will because statistically they are likely to have a multitude of mental illnesses and adverse experiences.

I hope my well-adjusted sister has kids. She would make a great mom and somehow skipped a lot of the trauma I endured. She has ADHD and occasional bouts of depression but is functional and socially/emotionally healthy otherwise.

I feel you on this so much. My parents are clearly not ok. Father was an alcoholic pretty much my entire childhood/teenage years. Mom was there, but distant and in her own world due to her own traumatic history. I wasn't socialized as a kid and so the panic that I got when thrown into elementary school was insane.

My childhood was filled with constant non stop panic and anxiety. I turned away into the online world and pretty much dissociated into it my entire life. Now at 23 I got thrown into adulthood with 0 skills, relationship experiences and work ethic. The only escape that I have is the online world, other than that I cannot hide anywhere. CTB is the only way out.

Birth.

I love my parents, but I wish they stopped and considered whether or not it would be a good idea to mix their mentally ill genes.

This. Parents with severe unresolved trauma, mental illness, alcohol/drug problems should be prohibited from having children.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Age 3, my Mum died. That set me on a course that probably wasn't as happy. Age 10, my Dad remarried and I ended up growing up with a (suspected) narcissist. That's when my ideation began.

From then on, it's just been a whole cycle of trying to get through life using creativity as a coping mechanism. But- it's an unreliable coping mechanism because the Arts in general are a difficult field to make money in. So- each time I fail- which has been lots, I go through an especially suicidal period. I've had ideation throughout though. It just varies in intensity.

 

[voidstar]

Where do I even start?
Got bullied in school since kindergarten because I had undiagnosed ADHD, almost managed to end myself in 2nd grade. The bulling got worse, changed schools, got a diagnosis but even with therapy, meds and all it was a struggle.
I never fit in with the others and never had any friends yet always got picked on because I was different. My school bag was trashed, I was hit, excluded from everything. During my school time I tried 4 more times to end myself yet they all failed, except when the last time where I almost made it. Sadly my mother found me.
Developed an eating disorder which went great with my depression and BPD and almost got hospitalized due to me being severely underweight.
My father was an alcoholic and a narcissist who loved playing the blame game and so it was always my fault, no matter what happened. To his credit he quit alcohol and hasn't touched any in over 15 years now but the damage is done. And we don't have the best relationship.
And in 2017 my mom died from cancer, which utterly devastated me. I swore to myself that without my mom I'd leave as well, sadly I didn't properly plan my attempt and it failed.
Then in 2020 I got my diagnosis for multiple sclerosis which now means I need to use a cane for walking while I'm not even 30. It could be worse but MS isn't curable as of it and will only get worse, yay.
I've just been tagging along since then, mostly mentally checked out seen as the world seems to be in a downward spiral anyway and everywhere you look is constant suffering.
I didn't mean to make this as long as it got I suppose but yeah. I think the crucial point was my mom's death. I just miss her so much and it's tearing me apart from inside.

 

[notherenotnow]

When my family moved from Berlin to Danzig. My life was so much better while I was living in Germany. Maybr it's just the nostalgia. Maybe it wad the goverment ruling Poland at that time. I dont know.