Where Are You in Your Journey?

[KibblesNBits]

Are you all set with your method and just waiting for your moment, only in the research stage, or simply looking for support? I'm curious, I guess it's just another way of comparing myself to others to feel like I'm on the right track, heh. In between research and planning stages myself (SN or N).

 

[suffering]

I'm the post-attempt phase, where I have realized I don't have what it takes to do it, now living a life of quiet desperation and mediocrity, but still unable to leave this site because the people here are the only ones who understand the pain of being alive.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm sitting quite comfortably with the idea of feeling good with the Night Night method. I'm at a stage where I'm returning home this Saturday, and then it'll just be a case of experimenting when I feel the desire.

 

[sadghost]

I'm waiting for my materials right now. After that, I will go when I feel comfortable

 

[Saed]

Currently treading water. Waiting in quiet desperation for SN to arrive,them I'm "out like the vapours",to quote Biggie Smalls.
This is,for me,the worst part of choosing that method.
Each second of being alive is simply unbearable.
It's so disempowering to he held hostage by the postal service.
Waiting to go right now,but knowing it could be months of intolerable anguish yet.

 

[KibblesNBits]

Currently treading water. Waiting in quiet desperation for SN to arrive,them I'm "out like the vapours",to quote Biggie Smalls.
This is,for me,the worst part of choosing that method.
Each second of being alive is simply unbearable.
It's so disempowering to he held hostage by the postal service.
Waiting to go right now,but knowing it could be months of intolerable anguish yet.

I hear you. I would prefer N but aquiring it seems like such a long shot. My only hope is that SN is as peaceful as some say it is, I hear differing accounts. You plan on taking anything extra like antiemetics?

 

[Saed]

I hear you. I would prefer N but aquiring it seems like such a long shot. My only hope is that SN is as peaceful as some say it is, I hear differing accounts. You plan on taking anything extra like antiemetics?

Am still waiting for the AE to arrive even.

 

[KibblesNBits]

Am still waiting for the AE to arrive even.

Haven't even ordered mine yet, still looking for a source that will ship to Canada. If only I lived in the US. Would have went to a nice cabin resort and went out in nature already.

 

[Raminiki]

I'm calmer and more secure than I've been in a while. I've obtained most of my paraphernalia and am almost certain my method will be lethal. I also have a backup method. Today I wrote out my plan, with options A, B and possibly even C depending on circumstances. I have some quality testing to do yet, a little more hoarding of medication, and I would prefer to be on my own when it comes to it, so I'll wait until I have a comfortable opportunity and avoid urgency.

I saw another user here had prepared a neat box of equipment and decided to do the same. A great way to organise ahead of time, when I may be in a considerably worse state of mind. It's like packing myself a going away present.

I'd prefer to spend my last chapter blowing all my savings and enjoying myself, but that's dependent on the state of the world. If I can't travel, I can't have fun. In the meantime my home is safe and my life stagnant. I just have no hope for the future and am miserable. I'll amuse myself passing time until things change for better or worse, and act accordingly.

 

[sadghost]

Currently treading water. Waiting in quiet desperation for SN to arrive,them I'm "out like the vapours",to quote Biggie Smalls.
This is,for me,the worst part of choosing that method.
Each second of being alive is simply unbearable.
It's so disempowering to he held hostage by the postal service.
Waiting to go right now,but knowing it could be months of intolerable anguish yet.

I relate to this so deeply. Currently waiting for SN and it's torturous being alive and trying to function

 

[Bct]

Already set with SN, but still have some debts with my family because my last job wage hasn't been paid. I don't care about my family's feelings but I don't want to screw them financially.

Beside that, I also want to have the mood to do it. Sadly SN can't be done impulsively because it's a struggle to fast when I'm easily hungry due to eating disorder that comes since I became very depressed.

 

[aedric_artifact]

I'm currently kind of stuck between partial suspension and SN. I know exactly which products I would buy for SN, and I believe it may be more reliable so that's what I've been leaning towards. I can't have the products shipped to my house, so I would need to open a PO Box at the nearby post office and have them shipped there. If things go smoothly and I act now, then I should be able to CTB within the next 10 days or so. I'm scared. I really am. But I've known for a while that this is what I need to do. I'll create a thread dedicated to my final days if I do go through with this.

 

[lostangel]

I'm at the place where I'm not as actively suicidal as I once was. I have my method. But I am not in a rush to die. I can choose to leave at any moment but I am happy I have a safe, secure method that will allow me to escape.

 

[Anonymoussn]

Ive been waiting for my SN to arrive for 27 days. Although other people who have ordered just days before me from the same seller have already had theirs, so I'm assuming mine is close. Once I have everything I need I'm not in any rush. Still trying to make sure in my head that it's definitely what I want to do.

 

[Philosykos]

I'm in the 'waiting-for-SN-from-Russia-to-arrive-while-scouring-a-certain-big-auction-site-on-the-daily-for-Primperan'-stage and have in the meantime found myself in the stage of 'coming-to-care-for-people-on-this-forum-enough-to-want-to-make-sure-they-are-all-right-and-do-not-die-alone'.

 

[Saed]

I'm in the 'waiting-for-SN-from-Russia-to-arrive-while-scouring-*********-on-the-daily-for-Primperan'-stage and have in the meantime found myself in the stage of 'coming-to-care-for-people-on-this-forum-enough-to-want-to-make-sure-they-are-all-right-and-do-not-die-alone'.

The P seller on the site you mention (you may want to edit out the name of it in your post) has been banned from selling prescription meds there.
They've decided go offsite...I have their contact email.

 

[Philosykos]

The P seller on the site you mention (you may want to edit out the name of it in your post) has been banned from selling prescription meds there.
They've decided go offsite...I have their contact email.

Edited. If you have any info that may or may not help me (all purely hypothetical of course...) my PMs are open and help would - hypothetically - be very much appreciated.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

i guess you could say im towrd the end. noose is set and has been have been practicing partial for a long time, getting closer to passing out. disposal of my body and costs covered. life insurance set. so any time now.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

After my partial attempts and overdoses back in 2017, I am on here after being extremely suicidal again. I don't have SN yet, I'm too impulsive to keep it on hand. But now i know when I want or need to ctb, I know where to find it thanks to this site. The stat dose sounds appealing

 

[Fullof pain]

I am still recovering from my latest attempt, dealing with organ damage, etc. But I am actively researching other methods and am concentrating on the best artery to sever to bleed to death.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Have SN, but am uncomfortable with the method. Currently obtaining materials for another method.

 

[ItsAllTooLate]

Just looking for support here. I already made a bunch of serious attempts and sheer exhaustion from repeated failure somehow made me less suicidal. So even though I'm back on this site I'm not really in the same spot before. I don't have intent to CTB, I just use the idea as comfort at this point.

 

[Stavrogin]

I just need my own place and to pay off a debt, and then my trusty brown leather belt is waiting for me. I should be ready by next summer.

 

[Fullof pain]

Just looking for support here. I already made a bunch of serious attempts and sheer exhaustion from repeated failure somehow made me less suicidal. So even though I'm back on this site I'm not really in the same spot before. I don't have intent to CTB, I just use the idea as comfort at this point.

Give yourself some time to just be. Take the pressure off for a while. It is utterly exhausting surviving a suicide attempt, I do know that. But take things at your own pace and you deserve some time to be kind and compassionate to yourself. And yes, I know how utterly difficult that can sound!!

 

[SummerDreamer]

I am waiting for my xanax and special rope to arrive in the post (really hope my parents don't suspect anything !) It's my dads birthday next week so I will make sure I have a nice last few days with him and mum and then do the ctb I hope

 

[Rue89]

I have my SN and antiemetics. I've been preparing everyday this week to ctb, but something has prevented it each day, bad weather most of the days. (I'll be doing it outside.) So I'll keep getting ready everyday, as long as it takes, and hope I'll be able to go soon.

 

[watereyes]

lost.

 

[The_doomer]

trying to check back into life after downing 300mg of Xanax while drinking. don't remember where I woke up but I knew for sure my car was in a ditch near my neighbours house. I checked and it was. no damage was done but people saw me under influence. its embarrassing and really scary that I somehow in a blacked out state started driving when i'm sure I had to crawl into my car. also really frustrated that I didn't just sleep in. OD was my last resort after being too chicken to shoot or hang for a year. I feel trapped to live out this mediocre trial version of a life I have.

ps. benzos are notorious for making you black out long before you pass out so don't try to ctb with it like I did.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

I am waiting on SN and meto delivery. I feel anxiety, nervousness, and a strange sense of comfort during this time knowing I am closer to peace. I am still on the search for N as my first choice however obtaining it successfully is challenging and I do not wish to wait longer than necessary.

I've already expressed my wishes to a few people to avoid accusations of dishonesty or malice. I only wish to end the pain. I hope to gain confidence in my methods through research and as materials arrive.

I still hope I can acquire N in the meantime. Thanks for letting me share.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I've had my SN, Antiemetics and Antacid for about a year now. Been giving things another chance. But recently things have taken a definite downturn and I think I'm nearing the end of the road.
I'm starting to plan the best time to start the 48 hour regimen and it would then give me about 2 to 3 days before I'd be missed. So hopefully I'd be long gone before I was found.