When you know you are 100% ready to go, and actually might die in few hours <3

[brokenpersi]

So heres my story from today <3

I was sitting, and working at my computer. suddenly I felt hot in several points on my body, and then itching became more and more intense. after a few minutes there was a severe rash and breathing problems. I got terribly hot and I was red as if I had left the sauna. I already knew it wasn't an ordinary allergy (I haven't been diagnosed with any). I quickly typed in the symptoms of anaphylactic shock and everything was correct. And then I realized that I might die. I felt a slight si at first, but it passed after about 5 minutes. I lay down on the bed and started watching the fish swimming in the aquarium, knowing that I could die at any moment - this is the first such situation in my life. I had my cell phone next to me all the time and could have called an ambulance, but I didn't. I thought if this is what I was praying for not so long ago, let's leave it to fate. I was actually happy because I would have died naturally. you can laugh at me, but I'm a little afraid of the possible afterlife consequences of suicide. Oh yes, I was lying and watching the fish. I know that I can still die, from what I've read up to 48h it's possible and I should go to the hospital immediately. how much you must be fed up with life to be happy at a time like this rather than being scared or sad

I guess i kinnda had my pre-SN experience btw. And know I'm rdy to go if time comes. Or actually can die in few hours - that's what iv been praying for, but God havent listened and I had to buy SN.

Edit. I took a lot of vitamins and herbs at same time. I'm tryin to fight with my depression and haha, almost cured it completely ;)

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Watching fish swim around in the aquarium at the end sounds very peaceful. Hopefully you aren't too miserable though, just because anaphylactic shock sounds horrible, but if it's your time then I guess it's your time. I wish I could have the same level of certainty that you have, but for some reason I'm not quite there.

 

[ilikecats]

So heres my story from today <3

I was sitting, and working at my computer. suddenly I felt hot in several points on my body, and then itching became more and more intense. after a few minutes there was a severe rash and breathing problems. I got terribly hot and I was red as if I had left the sauna. I already knew it wasn't an ordinary allergy (I haven't been diagnosed with any). I quickly typed in the symptoms of anaphylactic shock and everything was correct. And then I realized that I might die. I felt a slight si at first, but it passed after about 5 minutes. I lay down on the bed and started watching the fish swimming in the aquarium, knowing that I could die at any moment - this is the first such situation in my life. I had my cell phone next to me all the time and could have called an ambulance, but I didn't. I thought if this is what I was praying for not so long ago, let's leave it to fate. I was actually happy because I would have died naturally. you can laugh at me, but I'm a little afraid of the possible afterlife consequences of suicide. Oh yes, I was lying and watching the fish. I know that I can still die, from what I've read up to 48h it's possible and I should go to the hospital immediately. how much you must be fed up with life to be happy at a time like this rather than being scared or sad

I guess i kinnda had my pre-SN experience btw. And know I'm rdy to go if time comes. Or actually can die in few hours - that's what iv been praying for, but God havent listened and I had to buy SN.

Edit. I took a lot of vitamins and herbs at same time. I'm tryin to fight with my depression and haha, almost cured it completely ;)

Yeah I can relate to this in a way . I am also a bit scared of the consequences of suicide.

 

[brokenpersi]

Watching fish swim around in the aquarium at the end sounds very peaceful. Hopefully you aren't too miserable though, just because anaphylactic shock sounds horrible, but if it's your time then I guess it's your time. I wish I could have the same level of certainty that you have, but for some reason I'm not quite there.

Thank you for your response. I think I might actually see doctor tomorrow, because it seems I will be alive - symptoms are fading, and dont want to suffer some long term complications if there are any - idk it's my first time in life.

So I can literally say I looked death in the eyes today and I felt like it was old friend.

One joke of this situation I changed color like a chameleon, but not to blue like after SN, more like a red apple. I'm at that point in my life when it sounds at least a bit funny, so I guess fuck my life :)

 

[Hendo]

So heres my story from today <3

I was sitting, and working at my computer. suddenly I felt hot in several points on my body, and then itching became more and more intense. after a few minutes there was a severe rash and breathing problems. I got terribly hot and I was red as if I had left the sauna. I already knew it wasn't an ordinary allergy (I haven't been diagnosed with any). I quickly typed in the symptoms of anaphylactic shock and everything was correct. And then I realized that I might die. I felt a slight si at first, but it passed after about 5 minutes. I lay down on the bed and started watching the fish swimming in the aquarium, knowing that I could die at any moment - this is the first such situation in my life. I had my cell phone next to me all the time and could have called an ambulance, but I didn't. I thought if this is what I was praying for not so long ago, let's leave it to fate. I was actually happy because I would have died naturally. you can laugh at me, but I'm a little afraid of the possible afterlife consequences of suicide. Oh yes, I was lying and watching the fish. I know that I can still die, from what I've read up to 48h it's possible and I should go to the hospital immediately. how much you must be fed up with life to be happy at a time like this rather than being scared or sad

I guess i kinnda had my pre-SN experience btw. And know I'm rdy to go if time comes. Or actually can die in few hours - that's what iv been praying for, but God havent listened and I had to buy SN.

Edit. I took a lot of vitamins and herbs at same time. I'm tryin to fight with my depression and haha, almost cured it completely ;)

I do not think god wants you to go, if he did you would have died naturally.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Thank you for your response. I think I might actually see doctor tomorrow, because it seems I will be alive - symptoms are fading, and dont want to suffer some long term complications if there are any - idk it's my first time in life.

So I can literally say I looked death in the eyes today and I felt like it was old friend.

One joke of this situation I changed color like a chameleon, but not to blue like after SN, more like a red apple. I'm at that point in my life when it sounds at least a bit funny, so I guess fuck my life :)

At least you got a laugh out of being all red like that, but it still sounds like it sucked. Hopefully you don't get any long term complications though. Any idea what might've triggered the reaction?

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like an awful way to die, but still I envy those who pass away in ways like that without having to find a way to exit themselves. I understand why you felt happy, I think that I would feel relieved if I had a feeling of certainty that it's all coming to an end. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you don't end up with long term complications if you are still here.

 

[brokenpersi]

At least you got a laugh out of being all red like that, but it still sounds like it sucked. Hopefully you don't get any long term complications though. Any idea what might've triggered the reaction?

Too much possibilities to guess. Iv been eating lunch, and after took bunch of pills - vitamins, herbs - I guess two last on the list made some chemical reaction, because I obviously know you should not mix that much- but tell that to person with depression ;)

I do not think god wants you to go, if he did you would have died naturally.

Wise words my friend. That situation is something I will for sure be thinking about for long time - if I'm actually be alive, next days will show

That does sound like an awful way to die, but still I envy those who pass away in ways like that without having to find a way to exit themselves. I understand why you felt happy, I think that I would feel relieved if I had a feeling of certainty that it's all coming to an end. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you don't end up with long term complications if you are still here.

Thank you for kind words FunneralCry

 

[Hendo]

Too much possibilities to guess. Iv been eating lunch, and after took bunch of pills - vitamins, herbs - I guess two last on the list made some chemical reaction, because I obviously know you should mix that much- but tell that to person with depression ;)

Wise words my friend. That situation is something I will for sure be thinking about for long time - if I'm actually be alive, next days will show

Thank you for kind words FunneralCry

I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone to talk to, about life, your problems or anything just let me know. God bless.

 

[brokenpersi]

I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone to talk to, about life, your problems or anything just let me know. God bless.

I really appreciate your attitude my friend. You do a lot of good, even just wanting to help

As for my situation, everything seems to have stopped, but some parts of the body are slightly swollen and itchy

 

[Forever Sleep]

While I didn't have your exact experience, I can definitely relate to it. The first gallstone attack I had- I had no clue what it was. Just that my chest felt like it was in a clamp- chronic pain and shortness of breath. I thought it was a heart attack. I kind of pathetically sank to my knees and crawled to open the window- I thought maybe more oxygen would help. It was terrifying but like you- I didn't call for an ambulance. I was SO hoping I would just die. Of course- it became pretty clear after waiting and a whole load more subsequent attacks that whatever it was wasn't going to kill me. I started speaking out loud- just in case there is a God- to stop messing about and get on with it. In the end, I couldn't put up with the pain any longer and got it sorted out.

That's the trouble really- I think lots of people hope they'll contract something lethal but unfortunately, these things don't always kill us quickly or cleanly.

I liked your image of watching your fish too. It was kind of weird when I was looking out the window and the world was just going on as usual while I was in agony. I'm so hoping I don't experience anything like that again.

I hope you're feeing better now. I wish we could all just go suddenly, naturally and peacefully- that would be the ideal.