When you have lost everything, every right and the worst events happened already, and still happening constanty.

[Ineedtodie]

How would you function without utter fear?

 

[jodes2]

I wouldn't function

 

[makethepainstop]

Fear is simply being very very alert to possible threats. Fear is useful as a tool to prepare one's self for any possible calamity.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Fear is simply being very very alert to possible threats. Fear is useful as a tool to prepare one's self for any possible calamity.

This is a primal kind of fear. Not just the normal kind of anxiety. I've been set to fail and suffer within a neglectful and dysfunctional family. Was all on my own from the start with many setbacks already. No one acknowledged my deep struggles and setbacks since being a kid. And later left to heal a severly broken mind. Yeah you can't do that in this insane cruel society. Even a kid relatively without setbacks will be playing lottery for his life. Believe me if people who are around you denied you the most basic needs and basic recognition. You wouldn't believe how quickly your life become a nightmare, and you wish to just never been born and you want to just cease to exit.

 

[Nirrend]

How would you function without utter fear?

Hi sweet @Ineedtodie

That's a very complicated question, if you're talking about absolute fear because we have nothing, because the distress is at its peak

I think there are two situations where you lose things:

1) The person is animated by one or more things that are his or her engines for living and nothing else:

I don't know where I heard it, in a movie or in a story, but I know it was inspired by something that really happened.

It's about a man who loved to play sports (the lifeblood of his life) but was hit by a car in an accident one day. He lost the use of his limbs but was not brain damaged.

He was traumatised and tried to ctb. In the story we are told that he was followed up, that his family accompanied him for a long time, that he was given new passions (art, conference animation). He was very well surrounded and never alone.

Finally, he ended his life anyway.

Why did he do this? Because he could never accept that he could no longer play sports. And sometimes you can give someone all the help in the world, but when the person inside says "no", it's a dead end.

2) The person is "resilient" and adapts to create new goals:

Even if with this sentence I can give the feeling that I am attacking people here, this is not the case. Among us there are resilient and non-resilient people.

A resilient person makes good use of a trauma even if he or she has gone through a phase where he or she tried to end his or her life. (The previous history is a marker of non-resilience)

For the resilient, the ability to bounce back when all is lost is still possible, if they are accompanied and helped.

However, during the moment when they have nothing left, they also say to themselves "there is nothing more to do" and some put an end to their day.

Very often, and this is sad, it is just because their happiness did not appear soon enough and they did not have the time to perceive what would allow them to live again...

But resilient and non-resilient people are not to blame in this story, their suffering is similar in the end, the bottom line is that misfortunes exist for all.

But happiness too.

In the end,

A non-resilient person who does not overcome the trauma sinks into a spiral. This is my case (that's why I said I wasn't blaming anyone!)

A resilient person overcomes the trauma, may still think of suicide, or end his life, but his personality, his resources, allow him to adapt with more ease

About 80% are resilient
About 20% are non-resilient

Finally, to answer the question
I think we should ask ourselves and meditate
"What is it that scares me?"
"Can I do anything about it, yes or no? Why and how?"
"Do I really have nothing left to hold on to in life?"
"Can happiness return? Yes, no? Why, How?"

Times are complicated, I understand the pain that drives you ❤

Love ❤

 

[Forever Sleep]

Firstly, I am so sorry for your circumstances and your upbringing. I can't say I have experienced utter crippling fear of everything. Still, there are certainly areas in my personality/ life that (I would say) have been further exhasperated by stuff that happened in childhood. (Some not all together intentional neglect but also being around what I believe was a narcissist.)

The worst for me is a severe social anxiety and chronic lack of confidence. If I didn't have those- I suspect life would have worked out a lot better. That said- I'm creative and self doubt is quite common amongst creative folk. It can lead you to push yourself further rather than becoming complacent. On the other hand- it can also cause you to mess up more and can cripple you altogether.

Not that I want to go all pro-life on you but If you are finding you are hampered in multiple aspects of life, have you tried talking to someone? I know therapy doesn't help everyone and honestly, I probably didn't give it enough of a chance. Still- it might help. Something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has always sounded interesting to me- to try and focus on our actions that hinder us and find better ways. (Not that I've tried it!) Personally, while I feel like it DOES help to feel validated on why we turn out the way we do (because of some shitty aspect in our upbringing), I don't really see how it solves anything.

Not that this is the 'Recovery' section but I would recommend 'Crappy Childhood Fairy' on YouTube- she probably says a lot that you will find relatable. Still, I appreciate at the same time that not all things are fixable- so I hope that I haven't come across as belittling your situation. All the best to you.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Hi sweet @Ineedtodie

That's a very complicated question, if you're talking about absolute fear because we have nothing, because the distress is at its peak

I think there are two situations where you lose things:

1) The person is animated by one or more things that are his or her engines for living and nothing else:

I don't know where I heard it, in a movie or in a story, but I know it was inspired by something that really happened.

It's about a man who loved to play sports (the lifeblood of his life) but was hit by a car in an accident one day. He lost the use of his limbs but was not brain damaged.

He was traumatised and tried to ctb. In the story we are told that he was followed up, that his family accompanied him for a long time, that he was given new passions (art, conference animation). He was very well surrounded and never alone.

Finally, he ended his life anyway.

Why did he do this? Because he could never accept that he could no longer play sports. And sometimes you can give someone all the help in the world, but when the person inside says "no", it's a dead end.

2) The person is "resilient" and adapts to create new goals:

Even if with this sentence I can give the feeling that I am attacking people here, this is not the case. Among us there are resilient and non-resilient people.

A resilient person makes good use of a trauma even if he or she has gone through a phase where he or she tried to end his or her life. (The previous history is a marker of non-resilience)

For the resilient, the ability to bounce back when all is lost is still possible, if they are accompanied and helped.

However, during the moment when they have nothing left, they also say to themselves "there is nothing more to do" and some put an end to their day.

Very often, and this is sad, it is just because their happiness did not appear soon enough and they did not have the time to perceive what would allow them to live again...

But resilient and non-resilient people are not to blame in this story, their suffering is similar in the end, the bottom line is that misfortunes exist for all.

But happiness too.

In the end,

A non-resilient person who does not overcome the trauma sinks into a spiral. This is my case (that's why I said I wasn't blaming anyone!)

A resilient person overcomes the trauma, may still think of suicide, or end his life, but his personality, his resources, allow him to adapt with more ease

About 80% are resilient
About 20% are non-resilient

Finally, to answer the question
I think we should ask ourselves and meditate
"What is it that scares me?"
"Can I do anything about it, yes or no? Why and how?"
"Do I really have nothing left to hold on to in life?"
"Can happiness return? Yes, no? Why, How?"

Times are complicated, I understand the pain that drives you ❤

Love ❤

I agree with your thoughts about trauma.
I think in this pov I fall into the non-resilient category. That's just too unfortune for me. I think I already sinked too deep into my avoidance tendencies. Never really felt equipped to survive or/ and worthy and diserving of happiness and recognition.
Those are really important questions to ask at this point.
Thank you for sharing. Love and peace to you as well. You deserve it

Firstly, I am so sorry for your circumstances and your upbringing. I can't say I have experienced utter crippling fear of everything. Still, there are certainly areas in my personality/ life that (I would say) have been further exhasperated by stuff that happened in childhood. (Some not all together intentional neglect but also being around what I believe was a narcissist.)

The worst for me is a severe social anxiety and chronic lack of confidence. If I didn't have those- I suspect life would have worked out a lot better. That said- I'm creative and self doubt is quite common amongst creative folk. It can lead you to push yourself further rather than becoming complacent. On the other hand- it can also cause you to mess up more and can cripple you altogether.

Not that I want to go all pro-life on you but If you are finding you are hampered in multiple aspects of life, have you tried talking to someone? I know therapy doesn't help everyone and honestly, I probably didn't give it enough of a chance. Still- it might help. Something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has always sounded interesting to me- to try and focus on our actions that hinder us and find better ways. (Not that I've tried it!) Personally, while I feel like it DOES help to feel validated on why we turn out the way we do (because of some shitty aspect in our upbringing), I don't really see how it solves anything.

Not that this is the 'Recovery' section but I would recommend 'Crappy Childhood Fairy' on YouTube- she probably says a lot that you will find relatable. Still, I appreciate at the same time that not all things are fixable- so I hope that I haven't come across as belittling your situation. All the best to you.

Not at all your not billitting my situation. I too would recommend any available ressources for recovery, its only natural. Nothing wrong with that. Thanks for the recommendation.
I just don't think I have enough momentum for me to go that road of therapy with everything else going on. I know it sounds acting all helpless and self-defeating but that's at least how I feel about it with everything in prespective. Like you said not everything is reversable, especially in the wrong circumstances.
You seem to have enaugh on your late too. Wish you the best outcome.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really horrific what you have had to endure. There are no words to describe my hatred of existence as so much endless suffering continues to exist and will always do as long as life continues to be brought into this world. Suicide really should be respected as a valid option in this world. There are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can torture people with the inevitability of life getting worse for us always being there. But I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[niiina]

I can identify, and I gonna ctb because of that too