When You Feel Alone and Ready to go

[ChinUp]

I've gone through so much pain internally emotionally and mentally and have been betrayed by the people I love. No one wants to live life like this. I don't feel like I can gone on with life. Everyday I feel like it's my final day! : (

 

[knickknack81]

I hear ya. I just separated from a long time partner and its the first time in a very long time I truly feel all alone in the world. A lot of my close friends in my 20s and 30s have all moved on (whether it was leaving my town or it was careers/families/other things that made separate) and I have a strained relationship with my family members that are still alive (both parents are gone). I definitely do have CTB thoughts but it hasn't moved past that. I try to take everything day by day. That was worked for the last 4 months but I don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this.

 

[ChinUp]

I hear ya. I just separated from a long time partner and its the first time in a very long time I truly feel all alone in the world. A lot of my close friends in my 20s and 30s have all moved on (whether it was leaving my town or it was careers/families/other things that made separate) and I have a strained relationship with my family members that are still alive (both parents are gone). I definitely do have CTB thoughts but it hasn't moved past that. I try to take everything day by day. That was worked for the last 4 months but I don't know how much longer I can keep going on like this.

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear this. I understand and it's a difficult decision to make and constantly contemplate. I hate the pain anyone have to endure. I actually hate to wake up!

 

[knickknack81]

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear this. I understand and it's a difficult decision to make and constantly contemplate. I hate the pain anyone have to endure. I actually hate to wake up!

Its interesting. I do tend to look at going to bed is often my favorite part of the day. Just to turn my brain off for a couple hours (even though my sleep hasn't been great these past few months). I almost always say out loud "please don't wake up"! Like how glorious it would be to just go peacefully like that.

 

[ChinUp]

Its interesting. I do tend to look at going to bed is often my favorite part of the day. Just to turn my brain off for a couple hours (even though my sleep hasn't been great these past few months). I almost always say out loud "please don't wake up"! Like how glorious it would be to just go peacefully like that.

I wish for that all thee time!!!!!!
Knickknack81 you really understand don't you?

 

[knickknack81]

I wish for that all thee time!!!!!!
Knickknack81 you really understand don't you?

Apparently so. Unfortunately, reading posts on SS, it doesn't seem to be that uncommon to have loneliness and isolation playing a major factor here. Does feel really nice to have this forum as a way to keep in touch and express yr feelings.

 

[ChinUp]

Apparently so. Unfortunately, reading posts on SS, it doesn't seem to be that uncommon to have loneliness and isolation playing a major factor here. Does feel really nice to have this forum as a way to keep in touch and express yr feelings.

Yes I like that and I'm glad it's available for all to truly express what they're experiencing. I just want to get out this pain.

 

[tanshakti]

I wish for that all thee time!!!!!!
Knickknack81 you really understand don't you?

Same, its becoming too much, wish there is solution to mental draining and loneliness. sleep is disassociation , i hate why i wake up. I wander and wonder like lifeless shell in shame guilt and self loathing. i just want to stop this cycle. I think about CTB methods about what i can do to get it done, this and sleep are my dissociation techniques.

 

[ChinUp]

Same, its becoming too much, wish there is solution to mental draining and loneliness. sleep is disassociation , i hate why i wake up. I wander and wonder like lifeless shell in shame guilt and self loathing. i just want to stop this cycle. I think about CTB methods about what i can do to get it done, this and sleep are my dissociation techniques.

I completely understand. I'm like what can we do to just put an end to it. It's exhausting and I'm utterly tired of the guilt and shame too.

 

[knickknack81]

Same, its becoming too much, wish there is solution to mental draining and loneliness. sleep is disassociation , i hate why i wake up. I wander and wonder like lifeless shell in shame guilt and self loathing. i just want to stop this cycle. I think about CTB methods about what i can do to get it done, this and sleep are my dissociation techniques.

the term "lifeless shell" is very accurate. There are a lot of moments I feel as if I am just killing time, floating aimlessly through life.

 

[tanshakti]

I completely understand. I'm like what can we do to just put an end to it. It's exhausting and I'm utterly tired of the guilt and shame too.

CTB seems to be only way out out, but there are so many hurdles and planning to get successful outcome. Wishing for an easy button and praying to end the pain by not waking up form sleep or sudden cardiac arrest helps to console but it doesn't work end the daily pain.

the term "lifeless shell" is very accurate. There are a lot of moments I feel as if I am just killing time, floating aimlessly through life.

Yes, there has to be a way this cant go for long, its getting from bad to worse and will continue to do so, as they say in this forum there is no end to suffering but i dont think i can tolerate further. peaceful exit is so much desired

CTB seems to be only way out out, but there are so many hurdles and planning to get successful outcome. Wishing for an easy button and praying to end the pain by not waking up form sleep or sudden cardiac arrest helps to console but it doesn't work end the daily pain.

Yes, there has to be a way this cant go for long, its getting from bad to worse and will continue to do so, as they say in this forum there is no end to suffering but i dont think i can tolerate further. peaceful exit is so much desired

after

CTB seems to be only way out out, but there are so many hurdles and planning to get successful outcome. Wishing for an easy button and praying to end the pain by not waking up form sleep or sudden cardiac arrest helps to console but it doesn't work end the daily pain.

Yes, there has to be a way this cant go for long, its getting from bad to worse and will continue to do so, as they say in this forum there is no end to suffering but i dont think i can tolerate further. peaceful exit is so much desired

beyond venting, i have been researching methods, getting SN is not possible, CO is not feasible due to living conditions, FS hanging is where I'm narrowing down, i have come up with following goals
My timeline is next 45-60 days
i need to practice hanging so it doesn't fail, I need to complete my end of life planning and affairs so it doesn't cause more issues after i die, I want to learn to overcome SI . i want to run my plans and ideas and get feedback?

 

[ChinUp]

CTB seems to be only way out out, but there are so many hurdles and planning to get successful outcome. Wishing for an easy button and praying to end the pain by not waking up form sleep or sudden cardiac arrest helps to console but it doesn't work end the daily pain.

Yes, there has to be a way this cant go for long, its getting from bad to worse and will continue to do so, as they say in this forum there is no end to suffering but i dont think i can tolerate further. peaceful exit is so much desired

after

beyond venting, i have been researching methods, getting SN is not possible, CO is not feasible due to living conditions, FS hanging is where I'm narrowing down, i have come up with following goals
My timeline is next 45-60 days
i need to practice hanging so it doesn't fail, I need to complete my end of life planning and affairs so it doesn't cause more issues after i die, I want to learn to overcome SI . i want to run my plans and ideas and get feedback?

I understand the urgency of executing your plan and getting it done. I wish things will go smooth. It's difficult to get sn. I honestly wish someone could assist me. I have access to a firearm. I thought about a partner not being alone. I wish my father could support me and help me.

 

[tanshakti]

I understand the urgency of executing your plan and getting it done. I wish things will go smooth. It's difficult to get sn. I honestly wish someone could assist me. I have access to a firearm. I thought about a partner not being alone. I wish my father could support me and help me.

@ChinUp, IMHO firstly no father will help or support you in this. this decision is very personal and individual, only people who are strangers here can give feedback based on their experience and prove some kind words as they are suffering too

 

[ChinUp]

@ChinUp, IMHO firstly no father will help or support you in this. this decision is very personal and individual, only people who are strangers here can give feedback based on their experience and prove some kind words as they are suffering too

What is imho? If wish he could tho……

 

[knickknack81]

What is imho? If wish he could tho……

IMHO = In my honest opinion

 

[ChinUp]

IMHO = In my honest opinion

I DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE! :(