When you actually had one person really care but drove them away

[HelpDoesNotExist]

There is no point in even talking about it with anyone else unless they're in the exact same situation.
They tell you you can't feel guilty forever even when anything else would be insane. That it's possible to stop wondering how that person's doing
And then they insist on arguing you're just depressed or that you're not trying hard enough not to think about it, ostensibly because they care when really it's just their job because they spawned you
Once you make the one person who did care stop, and know it's your fault, it's impossible to care about yourself.
Why should I appreciate "help" that is just pills that don't work or make it worse, useless advice on things they dont understand or useless therapy or threats of hospital (despite you telling them over and over what can happen in those places) or restrictions of finances so you can't buy the one temporary escape that ever works? Why should I care what happens after I'm dead, if they're upset? Life's not fair. I didn't ask to be born.
They aren't trying to protect me. If they cared they'd let me go, because that's what's really best for me.
The doctors and hospitals all just want to exploit you for money.

 

[Unspoken7612]

I know how you feel, although I don't agree with everything you say. I really valued one person's opinion of me, and when I drove them away I felt worthless.

Over time I have come to realise I didn't deserve to be treated that badly, but that hasn't changed that I want to catch the bus, in part because I don't have them any more.

 

[HelpDoesNotExist]

In

I know how you feel, although I don't agree with everything you say. I really valued one person's opinion of me, and when I drove them away I felt worthless.

Over time I have come to realise I didn't deserve to be treated that badly, but that hasn't changed that I want to catch the bus, in part because I don't have them any more.

My case it was the only person who would value me that much, and I don't think I can form attachments to anyone anymore honestly, even when they try to be nice to me. Once you're isolated enough for too long you really really can't go back.