Discussion when would you say someone is completely hopeless?

[Aleksandra]

i just want to know if i'm alone, and if anyone else experience these things in their state.

past few years all i do is stay in bed, even when i moved out and had all the freedom. my ex would complain he hated to see that when he got back from work. i don't wash for days sometimes, brushing teeth/hair, and lately i've just stopped eating. even if i had the money for food, i don't think i'd go out of my way to eat. it's been over a week now since i've eaten. i drink minimal water because it involves getting out of bed. deleted all my social media apps because no one talks to me anymore anyway. avoid leaving the house at all times, calling in sick for work a lot, not getting dressed because you aren't doing anything anyway, letting the flat go messy, not cleaning the dishes, not taking my meds anymore.

i've been in states but i don't think i've ever been like this, before it was just not doing anything and plain laziness. now i feel like i'm a worthless bag of trash and i feel like i'm the only person who does this. ):

 

[Donewith_]

No. When i was severely depressed before.. i used to sleep all day, after my roommates left for uni, i used to stay in a PG at that time..i used to wake up at time when i should take food , go and just bring food to my room(owners used to scold if we go late for food)..i woke up for breakfast, lunch, and when a woman came who used to clean the room.
My roomies used to say that i sleep all day. My hygiene was really bad. I used to not do laundry for a long time, used to leave food around, skip meals which used to trigger gastric issues. I have no idea when I used to take showers, do my hair.
I used to do somethings absent mindedly.. which used to embarrass me. It was difficult for me to talk.. like i used to search for words for a long time.. which used to make me appear retarded. yeah.. It was very bad..
I just existed.. thats it.
I used to not feel like getting out of my bed.. and to do anything.
Don't feel bad.. it affects you badly. It has got nothing to do with you.. may be this is just how it affects.

 

[Lookingforabus]

Nah, that's all super common for the severely depressed, not just you.

Can't really give a good answer to whether that's completely hopeless or not ... I've been there myself, managed to get back to just depressed and mildly suicidal, back and forth a few times over my life, so it can get somewhat less bad. Then again, I'll be suiciding fairly soon, so maybe that just means I didn't take the hint the first time. <shrug>

Silver lining is, I guess, that it is possible to get better, possible to CtB, and even possible to do both.

 

[GreyMonkey]

I'm not quite in that state, but close. I don't stay in bed all day... I do get up and pace around and smoke cigarettes and watch shows on my computer. If my parents didn't cook me food I probably would be eating pretty irregularly. I've lost heaps of weight. A lot of my friends have drifted away, although I have a few people I talk to sometimes or see. Although I can't really talk about much other than how fucked up I feel.
I shower only every couple of days and tend to just put on whatever clothes I can pull out of the pile. Occasionally my mum comes and washes a bunch of them. I don't seem to really care.

Doing anything other than being on the computer or smoking seems like a monumental effort.

I was reflecting that what it seems to be like is that I have such little regard for myself at the moment that I can't bring myself to do anything that would be an act of self care.

You aren't alone.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Everyone here is so so not alone :3

I lay on the couch... I have a bed.but I can't be fucked moving so I just sleep and live on the couch and occasionally eat. Mostly because I know my dog needs food so I eat too. But I am losing weight. There are dishes everywhere in my apartment. They are in varying states of mould-covered. I don't talk to anyone anymore except my brother. My 'partner' is pretty abusive, so I don't really have any support except for people on here. And they die awfully frequently.

I'm very high on lyrica at the moment, so I hope that all makes sense. We are a lot of things here, but alone isn't one of them <3

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I've been eating less because I'm too tired to prepare food. I will probably stop eating when I run out of food because I'm too tired to go shopping. I stopped doing laundry regularly a long time ago. I keep myself clean with shower 1-2 times per week and sponge bath as needed so I don't need to wash clothes as much and pretty much wear the same thing every day until it starts to stink a little. On the plus side, fasting can have some health benefits so maybe it will get me out of this monumental funk.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Oh god I forgot about the showering... I'd say once a week if I am forced by psych appointments, but otherwise it's every two weeks? I don't even brush my teeth or hair anymore. @ThriveOrDie I'm with you on the laundry. I just sniff things to see if they're okay and cake on deodorant.

It's so nice to relate to people about this shit. I keep it all to myself and I am ashamed of it. Thank you for making this thread @zajebistakaczka

 

[k75]

You're definitely not the only one. It's the depression, completely shitty but super common. I'd say most of my energy now is spent creatively hiding the fact that I'm actually super dysfunctional. Most people have no idea. I'm so sick of living like this, but I can't seem to help it.

The only reason I maintain my apartment at all these days is because I have a close friend with a key who stops by unannounced for welfare checks and a landlord who is in town twice a week, who could check in randomly. Even then, I tend to let it go as long as possible and then suffer an emergency cleanup if I suspect a visit might happen. Usually I get away with it, but sometimes they catch me and it's the most awful feeling. But apparently not bad enough I don't do just do it all over again the next week.

And I have no idea how everything gets so messy to begin with, when I don't even manage to drag myself out of bed except to go to the bathroom most days. Even then, I spend more time lying in bed, agonizing about how I really need to go to the bathroom, than actually doing it.

If I didn't have a dishwasher, I'd be so screwed. But it's a monumental effort to actually get the dishes inside it, and even harder to remember to turn it on. That generally only happens when I go to grab a dish and realize every single kitchen thing I own is somehow dirty and I'm forced to.

I average one meal a day (always leftovers), and I only really eat that much because I'm diabetic and tend to get super sick if my stomach is empty too long and my blood sugar goes low.

But keeping my fridge clean is usually pretty easy, because it's empty. Although I did go through this period recently where I kept forgetting food to rot in there, and my friend, whose superpower is figuring out my depression bullshit, discovered it and cleaned it out himself while I cried. That was so traumatic I can't even put it into words.

I've all but stopped doing laundry, because that means going to a laundromat, and I haven't managed that in like four months. I just kind of handwash the same few things as needed. Or frequently buy new stuff like underwear so I don't have to even do that much. Definitely keeping Amazon in business!

My fear of dental issues overrides my apathy towards brushing my teeth, so at least that gets done. But showering is the worst! I don't know why it's so hard, even. Baby wipes are the best thing ever.

God, I sound so beyond gross on paper. It's depressing (har har).

 

[GreyMonkey]

I am beginning to wonder if depression is like an anger/shame/self-hate thing where we turn against ourselves... like we hurt so much and care so little about ourselves that doing stuff that would actually be nice to ourselves is agonising because it doesn't reflect the way we feel inside.

Conceptually interesting, doesn't change anything about the experience though. Thinking about this doesn't give me any effort whatsoever to pick up the clothes pushed by my feet to the edge of this couch I'm lying on.

 

[Rocksandsand]

@GreyMonkey I agree entirely. When I work - which is so sporadic that it barely counts - I am tidy and nice and lovely. And then I get home and fall apart for at least a day after. Like the effort of acting okay is a black hole for my energy. I agree that we self-sabotage. It's like we aren't worthy of having a tidy space, so the energy just isn't there. Like you said though, it doesn't change anything knowing that ehhh

 

[GreyMonkey]

I wish for all of us that whatever caused us to hate ourselves, could be resolved and lifted and that we could have the peace to truly be ourselves. I'm sure the people here are lovely and actually truly care and want to be good people.

I wish for myself to be healed enough that I could help others, and have at least a reasonably happy life... in purpose and finding love.

I wish that for all of you too.

 

[k75]

I've noticed my surroundings are a direct reflection of what it looks like inside my head. I've tried to explain that to people without these struggles, but they don't seem to understand.

 

[marconk]

I live with my parents, the whole house is super tidy except my room which is quite literally a dump. As @k75 said, people without these struggles don't really understand.
On the other hand, I try to shower every day, to lower the probability of hearing my father making comments about my smell.

 

[NotSure]

I am beginning to wonder if depression is like an anger/shame/self-hate thing where we turn against ourselves... like we hurt so much and care so little about ourselves that doing stuff that would actually be nice to ourselves is agonising because it doesn't reflect the way we feel inside.

Conceptually interesting, doesn't change anything about the experience though. Thinking about this doesn't give me any effort whatsoever to pick up the clothes pushed by my feet to the edge of this couch I'm lying on.

You're absolutely right. We're fighting ourselves and eventually giving up on us. It's sad to read all of these and to know that each of you have given up on yourself. You have to get off your ass and accomplish something. Life isn't easy, but it CAN be rewarding, if you try. Set small, attainable goals... doing the dishes, a couple loads of laundry, cooking yourself a wonderful meal, picking up the house, etc. If you don't try I promise it won't get better. But, if you DO try, I promise it WILL get better. I used to be rather depressed, though everyone's situation is different, and I was able to find that doing things, ANYTHING, helps my mood. Drink a lot of water, too. Dehydration can cause your whole body to feel like shit and also greatly affects your mood. I can say this, and not to be mean, that you have to give a damn. You can't be lazy. I need to hear it myself, as I have the same slumps and funks, still. Again, small, attainable goals. Rome wasn't built in a day. Work hard at completing something each day and you'll be able to confidently reward yourself. There's nothing better than completing a daunting task and then being able to sit back accomplished.

 

[Stan]

I believe there are two different states of hopelessness, first where real life circumstances gang up and make life incredibly difficult and the mental state of where you can't see yourself out of a situation(s) because you are just overwhelmed. I find myself in the perfect storm of both.You are not unique or an oddity @
zajebistakaczka
You do you and not worry about comparing yourself to others. I find things like psychiatry a bit of a quackery and how do they know what I am. Throwing a bunch of pills at me deadens the symptom not the cause. Its like given someone with a cold a tissue rather than a drug that would kill the virus.

 

[Fragile]

i've been like this many times in my life, the worst part? i was starting to beat it and then life threw more shit at me, it feels like no matter what i do i will always end up the same. i'm just tired of trying now that i know it will inevitably get worse and worse.

you are not alone, what you describe is exactly my life during a terrible state of depression. it sucks and people who haven't experienced it will not even try to understand you. at least in this community we do and empathy is really helpful.

 

[scorpiooo2]

It's awfully sad that we as humans can feel this worthless, but it's not our fault our lives came to this.

 

[Dystopia]

i've been like this many times in my life, the worst part? i was starting to beat it and then life threw more shit at me, it feels like no matter what i do i will always end up the same. i'm just tired of trying now that i know it will inevitably get worse and worse.

This is exactly how I feel. The lows just get worse and go on for longer. Whenever I seem to get slightly better and have hope it all crashes down again.

I've really had enough of the endless cycle of chronic pain, anxiety and depression

 

[Ness]

I get this. I barely have the energy to show up to lectures at University, I don't even pay attention and the clothes I wear aren't clean, they just don't smell. Showering I do as little as I can get away with both because I'm so tired all the time and because for some reason I rarely get more than five minutes of hot water before it goes freezing on me. The only trash I take out is the food trash because I live in a tiny place and all insects scare me even if they're very, very tiny.

The only reason I move and go out is that it hurts when I stay still for too long. And for food that I eventually throw in the trash anyway, due to me not eating more than once a day. If I remember to.

I'm going to fail my second try at a Bachelor and all I can think about is that once I've failed and they won't let me continue it, I'll just drown myself and be done with it.

 

[Aleksandra]

sorry i couldn't reply to any of you, i slept 15 hours today and just managed to pluck up the energy to get out of bed and drink some water. i hope you're all okay and i love you all unconditionally

I get this. I barely have the energy to show up to lectures at University, I don't even pay attention and the clothes I wear aren't clean, they just don't smell. Showering I do as little as I can get away with both because I'm so tired all the time and because for some reason I rarely get more than five minutes of hot water before it goes freezing on me. The only trash I take out is the food trash because I live in a tiny place and all insects scare me even if they're very, very tiny.

The only reason I move and go out is that it hurts when I stay still for too long. And for food that I eventually throw in the trash anyway, due to me not eating more than once a day. If I remember to.

I'm going to fail my second try at a Bachelor and all I can think about is that once I've failed and they won't let me continue it, I'll just drown myself and be done with it.

your life isn't over yet! i believe in you even if you don't. even if you fail, you tried. i never even finished sixth form/college, never mind university. you're doing well sweetheart, even when all odds are against you. youre wonderful, even if you don't take care of yourself sometimes

I live with my parents, the whole house is super tidy except my room which is quite literally a dump. As @k75 said, people without these struggles don't really understand.
On the other hand, I try to shower every day, to lower the probability of hearing my father making comments about my smell.

my mother used to call me disgusting and a hoarder. told me no man would love me smelling the way i do. i sometimes go weeks without showering, only did it everyday when i moved in with my ex. now that we've broken up, i'm back to square one. you're okay, it's okay

I've noticed my surroundings are a direct reflection of what it looks like inside my head. I've tried to explain that to people without these struggles, but they don't seem to understand.

we're all a bit of a mess aren't we. basically a beautiful bunch of dumps, and that's okay. even if you leave your room a mess for years, and pick up one bit of trash, you did well. you did more than i ever did

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Drink a lot of water, too. Dehydration can cause your whole body to feel like shit and also greatly affects your mood.

Make sure it's filtered water :)

Staying hydrated does help take the edge off my physical symptoms

 

[Aleksandra]

Make sure it's filtered water :)

Staying hydrated does help take the edge off my physical symptoms

i don't have access to drinking water. i have to drink bottled and i can't afford that right now. -£20 in overdraft. i didn't reply to that person because i don't want to get off my arse and face the world. that's my problem. drinking water is essential i know. but it's not going to take away some things. taking care of myself did nothing for me. no sense of accomplishment. i mean this in the nicest way, i give up. that's why i don't get off my arse and do things

 

[ThriveOrDie]

i don't have access to drinking water. i have to drink bottled and i can't afford that right now. -£20 in overdraft. i didn't reply to that person because i don't want to get off my arse and face the world. that's my problem. drinking water is essential i know. but it's not going to take away some things. taking care of myself did nothing for me. no sense of accomplishment. i mean this in the nicest way, i give up. that's why i don't get off my arse and do things

I'm with you. I think most of us are done getting off our asses, that's why we are on a suicide forum. I've worked my ass of to get better and now I'm in the hole financially with no income or hope of an income so yeah that comment was incredibly insensitive. I just tried to ignore it cause I don't want to get into another pointless argument.

 

[Aleksandra]

I'm with you. I think most of us are done getting off our asses, that's why we are on a suicide forum. I've worked my ass of to get better and now I'm in the hole financially with no income or hope of an income so yeah that comment was incredibly insensitive. I just tried to ignore it cause I don't want to get into another pointless argument.

i didn't want an argument either sweet, don't worry. my fucking shrinks would say the same thing and in respect to them, no they weren't wrong. he's not wrong either. but i came to this forum to not hear that, if i wanted to i'd of gone to reddit lol

 

[Baskol1]

i don't have access to drinking water. i have to drink bottled and i can't afford that right now. -£20 in overdraft. i didn't reply to that person because i don't want to get off my arse and face the world. that's my problem. drinking water is essential i know. but it's not going to take away some things. taking care of myself did nothing for me. no sense of accomplishment. i mean this in the nicest way, i give up. that's why i don't get off my arse and do things

Do you live in a third world country? I mean not able to afford drinking water is extreme poverty.

 

[Aleksandra]

Do you live in a their world country? I mean not able to afford drinking water is extreme poverty.

no i live in the uk but i have nasty circumstances. you don't need to live in a third world country to not afford water. i have to drink water with limescale and there's not a thing i can do about it

 

[Baskol1]

no i live in the uk but i have nasty circumstances. you don't need to live in a third world country to not afford water. i have to drink water with limescale and there's not a thing i can do about it

Well it sounds like a third world country. But the uk is not in the best shape anymore.

no i live in the uk but i have nasty circumstances. you don't need to live in a third world country to not afford water. i have to drink water with limescale and there's not a thing i can do about it

But limescale should be mostly harmless, and is not usually dangerous.
So you have running drinkable water? Well then its not like a third world country.

 

[Aleksandra]

Well it sounds like a third world country. But the uk is not in the best shape anymore.



But limescale should be mostly harmless, and is not usually dangerous.

it's not so much about danger, it's about having access to decent water, it doesn't taste nice either. one could argue that no it's not as bad as it could be, but main reason why i don't bother drinking anymore

 

[Baskol1]

it's not so much about danger, it's about having access to decent water, it doesn't taste nice either. one could argue that no it's not as bad as it could be, but main reason why i don't bother drinking anymore

Well if you dont drink you will die, but its not a pleasant death, its a horrible painful, slow death. Not a good way to die.

 

[Aleksandra]

you know, i used to be only allowed to drink my step dads piss water. i'm trying so hard to not start an argument so can you leave it, please