when wil lthe pain end

[anesthetized]

i cant stand it im ruining my stomach woth these nsaids and the opioids make me so nauseous but the pain the pain is so fucking bad and its been every day for a few days now i need a break i need one normal day and one normal night where i can sleep peacefully without any disturbances. i dont know how people expect me to live like this. sometimes i think that killing myself might not be a good idea because ill miss out on whatever xyz experience but fuck im not even living im not alive with this disease. i cant even exercise and make myself a healthier person. i want to give up but i feel like tbat makes me weak.

maybe if i just did the pelvic floor physical therapy, i would be all better and simply walking a quarter of a mile wouldnt give me a flare. no need to consider the fact that physical therapy will also give me a flare - ill just have to endure pain for a few months in a row before my muscles are toned.

maybe if i just improved my diet. maybe the endo has gone into my bowels and something as simple as shit moving through my body is the culprit! maybe if i werent constipated all the time i wouldnt have sk much pain. or maybe the constipation is caused by the endo. who knows?

maybe if i just tried the holistic methods like meditation, yoga, the tens unit, lidocaine patches and muscle relaxants, i wouldnt have to rely on stomach corroding drugs. who knows????

maybe if i drank more water maybe if i ate less nightshades maybe if physical therapy maybe if i try this new treatment plan maybe if i take this vitamin maybe if i got more sleep maybe if i got my uterus removed maybe if i got another laparoscopy maybe i have cancer maybe if i reduced my stress some fucking how or MAYBE its not fucking worth running miles over hot coals and jumping through flaming hoops and swimming in pools lined with live wires. who can really know?

the more i suffer the more i despise theists. if everything happens because god willed it, why are we worshiping him? is god not an evil son of a bitch? is this illness a test of my faith? if i just pray hard enough will the endometriosis stop growing? will there be a christmas miracle? who knows?

 

[bankai]

I'm sorry for your health issues.it's messed up that some of us don't even get to have normally healthy bodies.i mean that should be the very baseline.

I stopped believing in god a long time ago.it's just random shit happening to everyone.

I do all the health maxing one could possibly do.every vitamin and mineral supplement.optimize my gut microbiome.go into the sauna,lift weights,cold plunges,red light therapy,etc

It's all mostly for little benefit.i still ended up getting sick with a cold for 2 weeks followed by a mystery fever for a literal month.went to the hospital and got tests done and no one could say what it was.after a ton of expensive tests it slowly just went away on its own.

One thing I feel has helped me is milk kefir,maybe you can try that?it's self propagating.meaning you have to pay for the first batch only and then you can use a bit of that to create your next one with regular milk.this is the only thing proven to actually change your microbiome for the better meaning you'll have better immunity and get a bit more healthy.i never got covid these past 5 years either.only got sick the one time last year.Interestingly I stopped kefir the last 1 year cause of the calories lol.it's tasty too.

I know you have much more serious issues that can be treated with just a change in diet but hopefully it makes you feel a bit better.

 

[anesthetized]

I'm sorry for your health issues.it's messed up that some of us don't even get to have normally healthy bodies.i mean that should be the very baseline.

I stopped believing in god a long time ago.it's just random shit happening to everyone.

I do all the health maxing one could possibly do.every vitamin and mineral supplement.optimize my gut microbiome.go into the sauna,lift weights,cold plunges,red light therapy,etc

It's all mostly for little benefit.i still ended up getting sick with a cold for 2 weeks followed by a mystery fever for a literal month.went to the hospital and got tests done and no one could say what it was.after a ton of expensive tests it slowly just went away on its own.

One thing I feel has helped me is milk kefir,maybe you can try that?it's self propagating.meaning you have to pay for the first batch only and then you can use a bit of that to create your next one with regular milk.this is the only thing proven to actually change your microbiome for the better meaning you'll have better immunity and get a bit more healthy.i never got covid these past 5 years either.only got sick the one time last year.Interestingly I stopped kefir the last 1 year cause of the calories lol.it's tasty too.

I know you have much more serious issues that can be treated with just a change in diet but hopefully it makes you feel a bit better.

thank you for the kind words. thats very interesting advice but unfortunately my condition is genetic. its not caused by a virus or infection. i have endometriosis and its a full-body affecting disease where uterine tissue grows where it isnt supposed to (its like cancer that doesnt kill you, but still hurts like a bitch. women that have it are at a higher risk of cervical cancer however ) - and similar to period cramps, when the tissue contracts, so does the extra tissue all over the body. some people have them on their nerves and lymph nodes and those are horrible cases but fortunately it isnt that bad for me. TLDR my body is hardwired to attack itself

thank you for the kind words. thats very interesting advice but unfortunately my condition is genetic. its not caused by a virus or infection. i have endometriosis and its a full-body affecting disease where uterine tissue grows where it isnt supposed to (its like cancer that doesnt kill you, but still hurts like a bitch. women that have it are at a higher risk of cervical cancer however ) - and similar to period cramps, when the tissue contracts, so does the extra tissue all over the body. some people have them on their nerves and lymph nodes and those are horrible cases but fortunately it isnt that bad for me. TLDR my body is hardwired to attack itself

i will keep the milk thing in mind though if i decide to go on. special diet. im lactose intolerant though so id have to do a controlled experiment to make sure it isnt fucking with me