N
noname223
Angelic
- Aug 18, 2020
- 4,808
Someone just a little bit older than me married recently. The weirdest guys who cannot even speak in front of others had relationships in contrast to be me. A person has every few week a new crush and often succeeds to get together with them despite being socially awkward as fuck. My closest college friend I have the feeling he fucks every second week someone new. (He is not in my self-help group). And it feels like he is using the women. He does not openly communicate it is not a longterm relationship for him. I hope he never will find out I never had a relationship. Bro I gonna die. His behavior is low key disgusting though. How does he manage to find so many women? He is really smart but does not look that good. For others who are not familiar with my story I often have love delusions and they ruined everything thus far. Actually I think I will never try it in real life with a woman again. I always get paranoid and make an ass out of myself. I ordered SN after the last time. I think someone in my self-help group might like me but I will never ask her I think I cannot stomach another narcisisstic injury. I simply can't.
And we talk so often about relationships. This group is pretty good to ease loneliness. Some of them have open relationships. Something I could never imagine.
I am silent about suicide in this group since 4 months. But maybe I open up about my new plans in October. I consider suicide in October. But it is unlikely that I do it I think. I am such a loser. I have become very quiet in that group because I feel embarrassed about my life.
The group has become a ritual for me. I like the people there. They are good people. But my life is such a shit show. I consider to tell them one day that I am a frequent poster in a suicide forum. They also did not do shit when I was acute suicidal. But suicide forums are stigmatized as fuck.
Tomorrow I have the third date with the woman from the dating app. Someone told me straight off that if I am not interested in her I should not meet her further. Despite the fact I did not want to talk about this topic I emphasized that. In the end I talked about it because of him. I have an argument with her because her behavior is very weird and confusing. Generic questions are too personal for her. For example her last name. Bruh. And her communication is a disaster.
Edit: The argument low key escalated. My friend who knows all the messages tells me that it is completely her fault and that I am an idiot still to talk to her. She blames me for everything. According to him it is fully her fault. Tbh I am really bad at reading her. She could be seriously angry. I think it might be over. And maybe it is better that way. Her allegations against me are a joke tbh. I would interrogate her for asking personal questions (like her last name lol). I just try to learn more about her. She never asks me any questions. I was really puzzled that she likes our conversations because she barely contributes anything to the exchange. I invest so much more into this than her. Maybe I should really stop it.
And we talk so often about relationships. This group is pretty good to ease loneliness. Some of them have open relationships. Something I could never imagine.
I am silent about suicide in this group since 4 months. But maybe I open up about my new plans in October. I consider suicide in October. But it is unlikely that I do it I think. I am such a loser. I have become very quiet in that group because I feel embarrassed about my life.
The group has become a ritual for me. I like the people there. They are good people. But my life is such a shit show. I consider to tell them one day that I am a frequent poster in a suicide forum. They also did not do shit when I was acute suicidal. But suicide forums are stigmatized as fuck.
Tomorrow I have the third date with the woman from the dating app. Someone told me straight off that if I am not interested in her I should not meet her further. Despite the fact I did not want to talk about this topic I emphasized that. In the end I talked about it because of him. I have an argument with her because her behavior is very weird and confusing. Generic questions are too personal for her. For example her last name. Bruh. And her communication is a disaster.
Edit: The argument low key escalated. My friend who knows all the messages tells me that it is completely her fault and that I am an idiot still to talk to her. She blames me for everything. According to him it is fully her fault. Tbh I am really bad at reading her. She could be seriously angry. I think it might be over. And maybe it is better that way. Her allegations against me are a joke tbh. I would interrogate her for asking personal questions (like her last name lol). I just try to learn more about her. She never asks me any questions. I was really puzzled that she likes our conversations because she barely contributes anything to the exchange. I invest so much more into this than her. Maybe I should really stop it.
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