when someone asks why you want to die

[bbye111]

have you ever been asked, "why do you want to ctb?" but suddenly you're unable to answer? whilst alone all the thoughts and feelings of as to why comes rushing endlessly. or even when you're not being asked and surrounded by people. your mind goes blank and you forget. also i feel like if i do tell them, i wont be able to express or get it through them the way i hope to. i doubt they will even understand the weight of it and how huge the impact is on me.

 

[SamTam33]

I was literally practicing this answer (for no particular reason) less than 10 minutes ago.

I guess I want to have the perfect answer if ever asked. But I get overwhelmed with my response. Everything sounds cliche.

No matter what I say, very few people would accept it.

People rarely speak logically and objectively about bringing life into the world. No way they're going to use logic when talking about leaving it.

 

[Looking]

I guess I would just say existence is hard, man. I don't know.

I agree with Sam that I want to have a perfect answer but that everything sounds cliche, corny or edgy.

All I can say is that I just don't want to be here anymore.

 

[don't want it]

Why do you want to commit suicide?
Police:He will tell you you have debts or judgment cases
Doctor He will tell you that you have mental or physical illnesses
Family and ppl: he is sad due to the pressures of life
No one will tell you in short that you do not want to live because you are really bored of existence

 

[filthyrottendirty]

I don't want to be here anymore

 

[Zegers]

I guess die is what you prefer when you can't live fully, for one reason or another.

 

[born2win]

well im a hedonist, if my future wont be pleasurable as it is or wont be merry, im giving up. Right now thats my future and theres no escaping in that even though my brain tries so hard in finding logical ways to solve my insolvable problems. Anxiety is always at max too even when i was young; no safety net and bleak outlook wont make me live either. all in all, ctb weighs more than living

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I haven't had anyone outside of here ask me why I want to die, but then again, I don't leave the house anymore.

I probably wouldn't be upfront about me wanting to die due to dysphoria, though.

I simply want to die because I don't have the body and upbringing that I want.

 

[4390101]

i want to die bc if i will end up bedridden for the rest of my life might aswell never ever get up from there

 

[ChocoholicSawako]

cuz i have no motivation to live on
cuz i dont want to see my family members pass away so i prefer to leave before them to avoid those heartbreaking scenes
cuz i have no reason to live, either

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I want to die because I've run out of reasons to stay alive

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think anyone suspects enough to ask me. (Hopefully.)

Still- it's pretty much that life just simply isn't worth it for me. I don't want to be a wage slave with a slowly deteriorating body- simply existing to pay taxes and earn money to support a life I don't want to live. I COULD change- possibly for the better- but I don't want to put in the effort.

I've been suicidal for 33 years to varying degrees- so- it's hardly a rash decision. My feelings of obligation to stay will hopefully go after my Dad dies. I don't like the thought of hurting other people in my life- but honestly- they're not really in my life that much anymore. I think- by that time, I will be able to square it that my suffering outdoes what they might feel.

 

[fuzzy-clown]

I have many complex reasons to die that all complement each other. The best I can do is give a few examples from the top of my head. I don't feel that I could give anyone the full picture, as there's no way I can recall everything that has contributed to my decision.

 

[redeyepiranha]

I don't like living in this unjust world, i hate the structure of life, however, I don't think it's a valid reason for them

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody should ever have to justify their reasons for wanting to die, and suicide doesn't even need a reason in the first place. Why would we need a reason for something so inevitable as to die if we choose to exit ourselves, it doesn't make sense to me. Continuing to exist could only ever be delaying the inevitable after all anyway.

Just life itself is enough of a reason to make me want to leave, at least in my case thoughts of suicide are the natural response to existing in this world and never wanting to be here is all that I've ever known. When existence itself is the true problem, of course to die could only ever be the true solution and I view suicide as being ideal as it literally solves all of the individual problems that this existence brings. Saying that suicide is 'wrong' is completely irrational for that exact reason. There are no disadvantages to being dead so of course I want to die. It's the most rational thing to wish to avoid suffering.

 

[Rahmose7]

My answer is that the world is cold and cruel. No matter how good of a person you are so many others see that as something to prey upon or take advantage of. Im tired of it all. The anchor that of my existence is drowning me.

 

[MidnightCat]

My reason is pretty shitty tbh.

I'm just tired of fighting. And I do hate myself.

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

We're all gonna die. We're ALL GONNA die. There's people dying RIGHT now. It can't be that bad to just be dead. I just want to get it over with.

 

[stermc]

I usually say: "because I don't like living" or "my soul was not made to be in this world"

 

[vultureilse]

i always struggle with this because i have a really hard time expressing what i feel. theres so much im feeling on the inside but so little im able to put into words. and its just so frustrating. no combination of words ever feels right

i guess its no use in trying anyway because non suicidal people will never understand. most wont even try to, theyll just spam you with forced positivity and these stupid suicide hotlines. it feels so pointless to try to explain why i wanna die when i know i wont ever be understood. no reason will ever be valid for people who think that suicide is never the right answer

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I have only been asked a few times and I always answer the same way,l want to die because what's the point in living when I have no life to live.

 

[chloramine]

I could list all the reasons why I hurt and explain how I can't engage properly anymore, how I only live to hopefully be of value to others, how the kindest thing I could do for myself would be to die so everything would just. Stop. Some people might agree and others might not. It's not really about what brought me here or why I feel this way though. It's that it hurts. Every day. Even brief bits of possible happiness feel more like a mask of dissociation and pretending. They don't feel real. It's constant pain and not having a reason to bear it. It's apathy towards the possibility of anything improving because you're so empty and exhausted from every second of every day that you can't summon up a shred of interest.

Realistically it's never really the specific things that happened- there are people who have experienced worse than I have who want to live. It's really hard to describe to people who don't get it. Who haven't been there. I can think up and create hundreds of reasons to die. I can't find a reason to live.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I could list all the reasons why I hurt and explain how I can't engage properly anymore, how I only live to hopefully be of value to others, how the kindest thing I could do for myself would be to die so everything would just. Stop. Some people might agree and others might not. It's not really about what brought me here or why I feel this way though. It's that it hurts. Every day. Even brief bits of possible happiness feel more like a mask of dissociation and pretending. They don't feel real. It's constant pain and not having a reason to bear it. It's apathy towards the possibility of anything improving because you're so empty and exhausted from every second of every day that you can't summon up a shred of interest.

Realistically it's never really the specific things that happened- there are people who have experienced worse than I have who want to live. It's really hard to describe to people who don't get it. Who haven't been there. I can think up and create hundreds of reasons to die. I can't find a reason to live.

I haven't seen your name around lately. I'm sorry to see that things apparently still suck.

 

[chloramine]

I haven't seen your name around lately. I'm sorry to see that things apparently still suck.

Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. I'm admittedly more stable because I've fallen pretty heavily back into old coping mechanisms of rarely feeling anything. It's not a good stable but since things never go up anymore the crashes down aren't as jarring.

 

[Ernest1964]

I don't want to be here anymore

Cut out the word "here" from this sentence.

 

[Inferno]

I don't even have a coherent answer for why I want to die. There's no real motive behind it, I just hate life and I hate humans. It's really that simple, I don't like living.

 

[disillusion]

Cannot remember a book title but this ivy league student wrote a book hundreds of pages why he is doing it then ctb. ( might have been jumpin from. One of the school buildings).

It is been somewhat different reasons every few years… but basically

When i was in my 20s ( because all my school years and and at my second work place in foreign land i have been ostracized. School bullies were tolerable but work bullies were spreading rumours etc and extremely mean women etc). Was straw on camel back maybe for major bout of depression. Was dumped by two diff lovers too consecutively.


30s. Again i kept moving jobs but in another countries i met a mean psychopathic boss and had to endure for years. Again a couple coworkers slander and bitchy. Lots lying and deceit and plain abusive. Again dumped by couple more significant other. Failing marrige. Had to be a breadwinner to send spouse to school and pay bills while working for psychopathic boss.

Moved work again. Here experiencing racism and all. Again always meet some bitches and mean boss. Realized maybe It is me. One coworker told me People can smell blood meaning I am wounded dog. People always gang up on me like hounddogs. Completely burnt out. And laid off then involved with assault and wrongly sent to jail

When almost 40, realized nobody ever loved me. And my parents have been abusive. Physically mentally and verbally. Very cold cruel people. My siblings hate me too.

Had kid, and spouse not helping and only blaming me. Spouse gets fired and blames me. I paid down payment, and cars and all debts Very difficult kid. My health is failing. Have intrusive thoughts. Living in shame and rage. Lots negative emotions and flashbacks. Met a few more new friends all end up lying to me and hurting me.

Failed at career. Dont want to be involved with working people to prevent further hurt but spouse not working.
Barely functioning. Havent smiled for years. Everything is on me. Too much responsibilities. Alwaya too fatigued. Home is so messy( depression homes) $ is always so tight. Always so much to do and nobody helping. My body is collapsing. Away from hometown home country but hate my own country too. Didnt live upto my potential (went to top school in my country)

Realized I am broken person. Hate my own personality so much. Hate my past. Current. Hate my parents. Family and even my own kid. Cannot love my kid just as my mum didnt. My spouse hates me. Pretty much everyone hates me. Who would love me when my own parents rejected me. Kid only demands and even hits me.

I just keep sacrificing but I am too worn out and tired. I feel like I am being punished. Sometimes It is so hard even to breathe. Mentally physically too tired. Dont want to feel anymore. Dont want to cry either. Always insomnia. Yes been on anti depressants but it dont make me happy. Maybe slightly less angry.

I enjoy nothing. Used to be kind loving person. Now I am just jealous and ashamed of myself and i hate everything and everyone. Beyond miserable. Body always in pain. I dont enjoy food. I dont watch movie. No hobby. Dont want to learn anythint. Dont care. Dont want to survive. No pleasure. No joy. Nothing. Just everything is meaningless. Just want to end pain. I hate living.
Dont want to work. Dont want to go shopping. Dont want to have sex ( havent for years anyway) dont want to go travelling. I just dont want to live. Want to erase all my memories or just my own existence. Cannot connect to anyone. Cannot describe and i know i sound like whiner. I am sorry this why i hate my personality and I am being hated

Even if i get billion dollars or have loving spouse or what. If i am who i am. No i dont want to live. I really hate myself and my memories and who i am.
And i cannot be reborn with different parents. Wish i had loving parents which would have resulted in me choosing loving partner not hurtful one. I could have been a better parent too. But now everything is meaningless. I just dont want to breathe nor sleep nor wash nor work. Just too exhausting

 

[TAW122]

If I could get away with being honest and not face consequences (including civil and ancillary ones such as being locked up against my will, treated against my will, forced medicalization, etc.), then it would simply be "because there is no legal way to end my life peacefully and with dignity, and that I'm forced to live a life that I never asked nor consented to."

Ultimately though, I agree with people who say there doesn't need to be a reason (let alone a justifiable one, based on what society and others think..) to CTB as it should be an inalienable right.

 

[ChocoholicSawako]

If I could get away with being honest and not face consequences (including civil and ancillary ones such as being locked up against my will, treated against my will, forced medicalization, etc.), then it would simply be "because there is no legal way to end my life peacefully and with dignity, and that I'm forced to live a life that I never asked nor consented to."

Ultimately though, I agree with people who say there doesn't need to be a reason (let alone a justifiable one, based on what society and others think..) to CTB as it should be an inalienable right.

agree with this..
powerful

 

[lionetta12]

have you ever been asked, "why do you want to ctb?" but suddenly you're unable to answer? whilst alone all the thoughts and feelings of as to why comes rushing endlessly. or even when you're not being asked and surrounded by people. your mind goes blank and you forget. also i feel like if i do tell them, i wont be able to express or get it through them the way i hope to. i doubt they will even understand the weight of it and how huge the impact is on me.

Honestly, I just copy and paste them what I wrote on here in «my long story» thread so I don't have to re explain why I want to CTB. It would take around 4-5 hours to explain it all in detail verbally and by text it would take a few hours as well.