Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
My therapist brushed me off in an email today. I'm not suprised tbh. I'm not sure either what exactly I would've wanted or cared for anyway but somehow it's still hurtful.
Ig it works in my favor this time around bc no one's gonna try to intervene or anything. But if I had wanted to just talk about it... that's been denied too. So maybe that's what hurtful I dunno.
I dunno what's going on with my body either. Well ig I do. This is common in POTS. It's just super scary everytime it happens.
Im super weak, just sitting up in bed & my arms are soo shakey for example. Breathing is still a lil hard. Dizzy etc etc. I've just been sleeping. Which during flareups I prefer. I've been eating when I can.
Gonna order pasta later but tryna figure out what's best to get considering the struggle to eat...
im sick of this existence. It's filled with too much pain emotionally & physically. People brushing off my pain bc they think the good days & times make it "ok"
Attached is a photo of POTS symptoms.
Ordered some pasta and im hungry but not... im still gonna eat tho/force myself through as many bites as I can. I will turn my phone & phone settings back on when the order is almost here. & hope no one else attempts to call me during that time.
.
The brain fog is soo bad still soo
I need it to clear to plan & execute. I feel like the world underestimate how debilitating chronic health issues are. Like damn I can't even end my life while in a flareup. This shit is exhausting...
Do needa get back to sleep soon/am pretty sleepy rn butt yee hopefully order comes soon. That's all from me for now. I can't wait for this life to end & to be well/not so fucking sick enough to do it
Ig it works in my favor this time around bc no one's gonna try to intervene or anything. But if I had wanted to just talk about it... that's been denied too. So maybe that's what hurtful I dunno.
I dunno what's going on with my body either. Well ig I do. This is common in POTS. It's just super scary everytime it happens.
Im super weak, just sitting up in bed & my arms are soo shakey for example. Breathing is still a lil hard. Dizzy etc etc. I've just been sleeping. Which during flareups I prefer. I've been eating when I can.
Gonna order pasta later but tryna figure out what's best to get considering the struggle to eat...
im sick of this existence. It's filled with too much pain emotionally & physically. People brushing off my pain bc they think the good days & times make it "ok" Attached is a photo of POTS symptoms.
Ordered some pasta and im hungry but not... im still gonna eat tho/force myself through as many bites as I can. I will turn my phone & phone settings back on when the order is almost here. & hope no one else attempts to call me during that time.
.The brain fog is soo bad still soo
I need it to clear to plan & execute. I feel like the world underestimate how debilitating chronic health issues are. Like damn I can't even end my life while in a flareup. This shit is exhausting... Do needa get back to sleep soon/am pretty sleepy rn butt yee hopefully order comes soon. That's all from me for now. I can't wait for this life to end & to be well/not so fucking sick enough to do it
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