When is enough really enough?

[takemenowpls]

After days and days of hoping and praying things get better I can still only see more suffering ahead. Just living the way I have the last past several days has just been awful. I'm alone, no family or friends. Just the same 4 walls until that will be taken from me soon. I'm starting to now get desperate, and things that once frightened me are starting to seem more possible. I'm truly starting to look at hanging myself now. The pain and suffering of that is starting to pail in comparison to what I go through day after day. Im not sure I'll have the nerve but I feel I am getting closer and closer to embracing it. I know see why so many others feel like this. I used to read some posts and be like, NO WAY would I do that. Now I see. When you get to a certain point the mind exchanges fear for acceptance.

For anyone that reads this thank you. Thank you taking the time read a broken man's thoughts. I adore all the people here, you have shown me so much. I'm learned just the other day that my last attempt was foolish and never would have killed me. That really made me feel dumb and I was already planning to try again with more of the same. Thanks to one of you I now see even that won't work. So I'm Leaning on more drastic measures now. Anyway thank you listening and I hope piece to you all.

 

[brokensea]

Hugs to you and sorry you feel this way. I am inside almost always as well for 2 years now. It's hard to live in a prison you feel there's no escape from.

 

[hamvil]

So sorry about how you feel. I am in this condition since more than two years. I do not see a way to get out of it as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, life does just seem to be endless misery and suffering with no relief. Hanging does scare me as a method and I really wish that it's easier to leave this way. It makes it sound so much easier when you hear of all the people succeeding with it but I do think that someone must be really desperate to actually go through with it. I envy the courage of those that have left. I hope that you find freedom from what you are going through.

 

[takemenowpls]

Thank you again everyone. Yes, going more peacefully was my original goal. I was naïve enough to think a few bottles of Xanax and some alcohol would do the trick. Just pass out, fall asleep and stop breathing. Seemed to good to be true and it was. But yes, hanging is starting to sound good. Especially after reading the recent post of a documentary of ctb on SN. While I think many thought it was painless it certainly didn't read that way to me. So I'm starting to get the big picture. There is no easy way out. You just have to want it bad enough and embrace it.

 

[theboy]

I hope you find peace. It must be really hard what you're going through. Answering your question, there are two ways of looking at it: The first is that when you're exhausted, it's time to completely change your life for the better. Something like the Phoenix Bird. The other is that when the reasons for CTB greatly outweigh the opposite, it is time to leave the land.

 

[TAW122]

I believe it is ultimately up to the individual to determine that as each person's limits and thresholds for suffering.

@theboy brought up a good perspective, two ways to look at the situation.

 

[takemenowpls]

I hope you find peace. It must be really hard what you're going through. Answering your question, there are two ways of looking at it: The first is that when you're exhausted, it's time to completely change your life for the better. Something like the Phoenix Bird. The other is that when the reasons for CTB greatly outweigh the opposite, it is time to leave the land.

I hear that. And I've been waiting to be that Phoenix. But I know that just won't happen so I may as well start thinking about doing what's needed.