When I'm suicidal it feels like I'm seeking attention

[neenie]

Even though I am not actually seeking attention and do not communicate my suicidal ideation irl in any way be it to my friends and relatives, the national suicide hotline, my therapist or health professionals... I don't know why I feel like this, my working theory is it's as a result of being told my attempts were me being dramatic or just annoying or wasting everyone's time. It makes me want to talk about it even less.

Anyone else feeling like this?

 

[bankai]

There's nothing wrong with seeking attention. I love seeing the little notifications on this site informing me that I got a like or a heart or whatever.

You do you, Neenie.There's nothing wrong with it. By the way, I haven't seen you around for some time. Neenie you meanie.

I'm sorry, I find your username hilarious. Please forgive me.

But I remember your attempt at consuming sodium nitrate. I know you didn't consume much, but that's still pretty serious as far as attempts go

So exactly how are they assuming that your attempts were annoying or dramatic or wasting time?

Me personally though, I don't really discuss this with the people I know in real life. I got no therapists either.I don't really expect them to understand, so I'm not surprised the ones in your life don't understand either.

 

[quietwoods]

There's nothing wrong with seeking attention. I love seeing the little notifications on this site informing me that I got a like or a heart or whatever.

You do you, Neenie.There's nothing wrong with it. By the way, I haven't seen you around for some time. Neenie you meanie.

I'm sorry, I find your username hilarious. Please forgive me.

But I remember your attempt at consuming sodium nitrate. I know you didn't consume much, but that's still pretty serious as far as attempts go

So exactly how are they assuming that your attemps were annoying or dramatic or wasting time?

Do you like that type of notification

 

[k1m]

Durkheim called this "egoistic suicide". When people are isolated from community in their daily lives, they tend to have higher suicide rates, this was well documented like 130 years ago. People have been going there mentally for a long time.

Modern capitalism is so dehumanizing. It's normal to want to be cared about, and this society doesn't necessarily give you that. Threatening suicide is unhealthy, but so is being lonely, and nobody will ever try to help you with the second thing. They just want you to shut up if you don't serve a purpose for them. Asking for help is breaking the social rules. That's why we feel so guilty.

 

[neenie]

There's nothing wrong with seeking attention. I love seeing the little notifications on this site informing me that I got a like or a heart or whatever.

You do you, Neenie.There's nothing wrong with it. By the way, I haven't seen you around for some time. Neenie you meanie.

I'm sorry, I find your username hilarious. Please forgive me.

But I remember your attempt at consuming sodium nitrate. I know you didn't consume much, but that's still pretty serious as far as attempts go

So exactly how are they assuming that your attempts were annoying or dramatic or wasting time?

Me personally though, I don't really discuss this with the people I know in real life. I got no therapists either.I don't really expect them to understand, so I'm not surprised the ones in your life don't understand either.

Thank you for your nice reply bankai! Though I acknowledge there is nothing wrong with seeking attention the point of my post is that I actually feel the suicidal ideation but I have "intrusive thoughts" where "I accuse myself of faking it / being dramatic for attention" if that makes it clearer (?) even though I do not receive any actual attention from being suicidal.

I told 2 people about my SN attempt and they seemed to have taken it seriously! More than I would have wanted actually, I hate worrying people and I told them light-heartedly I was referencing more memories of my childhood / teenage when various healthcare people were annoyed to see me constantly for attempts, or when my mom was annoyed at my attempts bc she had to visit me to the hospital or didn't take them seriously, and so on....... Anyway it doesn't matter thanks for giving me the chance to vent about it!

You're right, I feel like people will sometimes understand the thought process (not even always) but will never actually feel the way we feel (which is probably legit considering survival instinct is strong). I'm glad SaSu exists!

Durkheim called this "egoistic suicide". When people are isolated from community in their daily lives, they tend to have higher suicide rates, this was well documented like 130 years ago. People have been going there mentally for a long time.

Modern capitalism is so dehumanizing. It's normal to want to be cared about, and this society doesn't necessarily give you that. Threatening suicide is unhealthy, but so is being lonely, and nobody will ever try to help you with the second thing. They just want you to shut up if you don't serve a purpose for them. Asking for help is breaking the social rules. That's why we feel so guilty.

I'm really lucky to be part of various communities and social circles but I agree a major part of capitalism is actively learning to repress your empathy because we could never stand what we see happening if we had "too much" empathy. Kinda reminds me of the green text guy that took LSD and started wondering why people are homeless and why we're not helping everyone in need, as well as a study that found temporal constraints are the biggest hinder to pro-social (helpful) behaviors.......

(Though personally I would take suicide statistics with a grain of salt lol)