when i tell my mum i want to end my life with SN she doesn't understand

[depressedsoul]

So, when I blame my mum for giving birth to me, she doesn't understand. She gets emotional. She says she can't bear to lose me. I tell her i am mentally ill and want my pain to stop- she replies that i can confide in her but gets angry when i talk about committing suicide and poisoning myself. Plz advise. I might have to do it anyways and pick up the SN and antiemetics from a post office. What do u think? Is that a plan?

 

[depressedsoul]

No parent should witness the death of their own child, her reaction is really reasonable and you shouldnt blame her. If you really wanted to kill urself you would find a way, apparently you are just not at the edge of suicide right now.

i am too weak to hang myself, i know SN poisoning is fairly painless and you can die in the comfort of your own bed. Perfect. I can poison myself at night when she is fast asleep.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

So, when I blame my mum for giving birth to me, she doesn't understand. She gets emotional. She says she can't bear to lose me. I tell her i am mentally ill and want my pain to stop- she replies that i can confide in her but gets angry when i talk about committing suicide and poisoning myself. Plz advise. I might have to do it anyways and pick up the SN and antiemetics from a post office. What do u think? Is that a plan?

I don't know your situation but your mother's reaction is a natural one. I'd be far more worried if she was helping you or indifferent.

It isn't fair to blame your mother for giving birth to you. That wasn't what made you depressed, things happened along the way.

 

[depressedsoul]

I don't know your situation but your mother's reaction is a natural one. I'd be far more worried if she was helping you or indifferent.

It isn't fair to blame your mother for giving birth to you. That wasn't what made you depressed, things happened along the way.

but life=suffering. If I hadn't been born I wouldn't be suffering from depression right now. Also, not everyone on this site feels the same way, or else why would they direct me to sources of SN and antiemetics.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

but life=suffering. If I hadn't been born I wouldn't be suffering from depression right now. Also, not everyone on this site feels the same way, or else why would they direct to sources of SN and antiemetics.

It's one thing for other people to direct you towards methods but not your mum.

Life is suffering for us, true, but not by mere virtue of being born otherwise it would be suffering for everybody. Things have happened to us along the way that made the living unbearable and putting all of that responsibility on your mother AND THEN KILLING YOURSELF is enough to kill her too.

I won't tell you whether or not to kill yourself but I think you need to take a breath and re-assess how you got to this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

We have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing and nobody else has any say in it. It is selfish for others to expect us to suffer for decades against our wishes. We have no obligations to stay alive as we did not ask to exist. It is your life, your decision. People who are not suicidal themselves will never be able to understand. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[depressedsoul]

It's one thing for other people to direct you towards methods but not your mum.

Life is suffering for us, true, but not by mere virtue of being born otherwise it would be suffering for everybody. Things have happened to us along the way that made the living unbearable and putting all of that responsibility on your mother AND THEN KILLING YOURSELF is enough to kill her too.

I won't tell you whether or not to kill yourself but I think you need to take a breath and re-assess how you got to this point.

no friends in high school, bullied, ostracized, abusive and bad-tempered father, physically weak and inept, parents from a third world country, parents from a warzone, father has PTSD from fleeing civil unrest, being born and raised as a Muslim after 9/11, the instability in the Middle East (I grew up in Dubai).

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

no friends in high school, bullied, ostracized, abusive and bad-tempered father, physically weak and inept, parents from a third world country, parents from a warzone, father from PTSD from fleeing civil unrest, being born and raised as a Muslim after 9/11, the instability in the Middle East (I grew up in Dubai).

Okay. It sounds as though all of you have been through a lot.

If your father is abusive and bad tempered, why is more of your anger not directed towards him? Is he abusive towards your mother also?

 

[depressedsoul]

Okay. It sounds as though all of you have been through a lot.

If your father is abusive and bad tempered, why is more of your anger not directed towards him? Is he abusive towards your mother also?

no not really.

 

[demuic]

So, when I blame my mum for giving birth to me, she doesn't understand. She gets emotional. She says she can't bear to lose me. I tell her i am mentally ill and want my pain to stop- she replies that i can confide in her but gets angry when i talk about committing suicide and poisoning myself. Plz advise. I might have to do it anyways and pick up the SN and antiemetics from a post office. What do u think? Is that a plan?

I don't know your whole situation but it sounds like your mother does care about you.

For most people they do not see accepting someone's suicide as a way of being merciful and truly empathetic, most would see it as pretty much murder especially parents. If she cares about you, she may be getting angry because it scares her to think she will lose you. There are very few parents who are able to accept that their child wants to die. They cannot accept that it would be merciful for their unbearable suffering to end and think any problem can be overcome.

I think you cannot get her to understand because it's just two very fundamentally different viewpoints. Most of the time someone who is happy to bring life into the world (parents) will not understand someone who wants to leave it.

For me, I would not do it within my home as I think the discovery of a body of someone you know is a uniquely traumatizing event.

 

[fox_wannabe]

That is why I do not tell anybody except you people

I think you cannot get her to understand because it's just two very fundamentally different viewpoints. Most of the time someone who is happy to bring life into the world (parents) will not understand someone who wants to leave it.

For me, I would not do it within my home as I think the discovery of a body of someone you know is a uniquely traumatizing event.

It is the reason I will ctb in forest: police will find the body and parents will just find a note. Yeah they will be sad. But It is like that.

 

[depressedsoul]

I don't know your whole situation but it sounds like your mother does care about you.

For most people they do not see accepting someone's suicide as a way of being merciful and truly empathetic, most would see it as pretty much murder especially parents. If she cares about you, she may be getting angry because it scares her to think she will lose you. There are very few parents who are able to accept that their child wants to die. They cannot accept that it would be merciful for their unbearable suffering to end and think any problem can be overcome.

I think you cannot get her to understand because it's just two very fundamentally different viewpoints. Most of the time someone who is happy to bring life into the world (parents) will not understand someone who wants to leave it.

For me, I would not do it within my home as I think the discovery of a body of someone you know is a uniquely traumatizing event.

If I have to do it, then I will do it in the comfort and privacy of my home. Nowhere else. I don't want to upset my mum, but I cannot bear to make my suicide public.

 

[Dot]

If I have to do it, then I will do it in the comfort and privacy of my home. Nowhere else. I don't want to upset my mum, but I cannot bear to make my suicide public.

How about scheduled text to emergency services - trained person can visit home to discover...

 

[Hurt]

Only suicidal people can understand suicidal people. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Hope you get better. Hugs