When did you start being suicidal?

[NeedAnEscape]

I start feeling suicidal at age 12. I saw no value in my existence. The feeling hasn't escaped me since then.

 

[Lost cherry]

3 months ago

 

[KSZ]

Since I was a child. I had some bad parents, that never loved each other and they forced that energy into me.

 

[lani.<3]

i started feeling like this when i was 11 got diagnosed with depression and ptsd at 12 then everything went down hill.

 

[Jolene79]

I only felt suicidal about 5 years ago when I was severely unwell and in hospital for months after a bowel perforation, sepsis and a severe exacerbation of my various health conditions. I was about 41. I had an amazing recovery for a few years then came away from this site and lived happily. Things because very severe again with my health about 1 year ago. It gets worse each day and I hardly get off my sofa. I'm in severe pain and am very afraid. This is the only reason I feel suicidal. It is only getting worse.

Is there anyone else like me? I am sad most people have had most their lives written off feeling so bad for so much of their life

 

[slowlyrotting]

I think the first time I thought about it I was 14-15. Not exactly sure which one. But I remember really not wanting to make it to my 16th birthday and that entire year being particularly hard.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

~ since March 2018

 

[mysadstuff]

I dont remember when I started thinking about suicide in general

By 14 I had vague ideas of killing myself with a toaster in the bathtub and practiced hanging myself with a handheld shower head but I didnt have the knowledge/resources for a serious attempt

A few years later I tried to give myself anaphylactic shock but it didnt work

 

[numbed one]

2019 for me

 

[DeadHead]

21st September 2020

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

8 years old. I was raised in a very religious family and I remember my grandma telling me god answers the prayers of little kids. So I'd pray for him to kill me before bed every night. Didn't realise I was having suicidal ideations cus I was so little, but yeah it only got worse from there. Especially from 14 onwards.

 

[just_a_guy]

12 years old

 

[outrider567]

22 months ago, within days of my girlfriend's death

 

[Roseate]

I started feeling depressed and cutting at 12/13. It progressively got worse but I was about 13-15 when I started to feel suicidal. By that point, I was looking for ways to end myself.

 

[Alltheywanted]

It all started when I was about 10 years old and I loved imagining a serious accident happening to me, and around the age of 16 I had my first suicidal ideation. A week before my 17th birthday, I had my first attempt, but I was just not ready for this.
At the moment I am almost 19 years old and I have studied in 3 different methods, which I have prepared in detail, I am just waiting when I am ready mentally, physically and I want to leave some money for my beloved family.

 

[Pardoe84]

I never was suicidal but then i got PSSD from Antidepressants, Brain damage and impotence. Since last year summer with 37 i am chronical suicidal.

 

[IluvSparky]

I've had passive suicidal thoughts originally in high school. Originally wanted to join the military and die in combat so my dad could be proud. I got disinterested in that idea pretty quickly due to many reasons, which I'm glad I did. I met my partner my final year of high school and that immediately stopped those thoughts because I was madly in love. Now, what I can only describe as the fastest 10 years of my life learning all about him and loving each other, he committed suicide. My world is now turned up on its' end and the only thoughts in my head that aren't about him are about not wanting to be alive. Still mostly passive thoughts because I'm scared to die, but I hate being without him.

Same. my husband died in June from a sample of marijuana that was laced with fentanyl. Used it bc he was against opioids and had chronic back pain. Found him in the morning. He's my person and I hate the world without him. Not scared of it, i know I can get thru it, but just don't want to. However, we have three kids. I resent that I'm now the one who has to stay, otherwise Im going to screw them up completely. I truly think they'd be better with my ex and his wife bc they'd have both parents, their brother is there and they wouldn't have a sad mommy who just goes through the motions until she can die too. Started smoking again - each cigarette is 7min off your life, right? So there's that. Also not going to doctor anymore so if i do have something, it'll be too severe to treat by the time I have to go. Because the thought of my kids thinking I chose to not be with them is seriously the only thing keeping me here. Fuck people who say 'he'd want you to be happy/move on/live your best life, etc' - all those things were with him here. If he wanted that, he'd be here. Also together 10 years. He was my best friend. I hate this

 

[BlockHammer]

Start to feel suicidal when i was 20 (due to a lot of homework that college gave me and also seeing my friend achieve more in his age than me). And also, im trying to change my life by getting a dam job, but i always failed due to some psycometry test (or company just straight up ignoted my application without giving me a change)

Note that i didn't feel like i want to kill myself right now but sometimes this thought just manifest in my brain especially when i had a bad day/do something stupid

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I was literally born fucked up but I was first suicidal at 8-9 years old and attempted at 10. I have tried more times than I can remember. I don't even remember the first time, just like, 3 of them. I suck at both living and dying.

 

[LonelyFerret]

I think I really started experiencing passive suicide ideation when I was in late middle/early high school when I started trying to leave my cult upbringing. Spent my first 4 years out of high school alone in an apartment building binge drinking, too anxious to get help; and finally got on meds and therapy just last year. I'm 23 now, been through 5 different antidepressants, and a year of therapy and don't see myself making it to 24. I've got a gun waiting for me in my closet, which I plan to use before my next birthday in February.

 

[Loserparasite]

Since I was 14, 13? I'm shocked it wasn't sooner but I guess traumatic events caught up late with me

 

[wanttodie]

It's been 30 years