Story When did you realize your were "different " ?

[Buddha.e.c]

Sadly ive always known i was quote "different " becuase i could feel it ever since i was very young i never would really interact with others my brain would felt overwhelmed everyday and i was always much slower at understanding and learning then my peers Depression took over me and i started having suicidal thoughts at age 11 i blamed myself for years still do. Felt like a outcast throughout my entire life . I try to analyze why i have these conditions often speading hours searching up beggining stages of bipolar disorder and autism in adults but im diagnosed with major depressive disorder i honestly dont know whats wrong with me and if i did have a option to be mentally health is there even a such there as a "normal" person who goes through no Depression and is happy 24/7 ?

 

[VoidDesirer22]

When I was 15 and took a very keen interest in suicide and famous figures who had killed themselves.

My favourite fictional character killed themselves and it really opened my eyes, as I saw all of myself in her.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Honestly I've always considered myself average in many ways, just with worse social skills and mental state than others. That said, I didn't fit in with anyone since elementary school, but I learned how to blend into the background it seems. I think it was by first grade that I was already nearly entirely on my own, might have even started disliking life as far back as then lol that all said, I don't think I'm too terribly different from others. I'm most definitely not special. About everything about me is average or below average.

I don't think there's a normal type of person who could live without depression and be happy 24/7. Sadness is a part of life for everyone if you get attached to anything living, sincce living things are doomed to die. If someone was happy 24/7, it would be unnerving to me. I think the people we see as normal must just know how to handle things better or have something they feel makes life worth living. I don't know how it's possible to not consider suicide, but I'm sure there are people who don't even when life is awful to them. In any case I think everyone will experience sadness if not depression at some point, but some can cope better and perhaps it's "normal" for that sadness to lessen for them or go away, which isn't so normal for people like us it seems.

 

[Buddha.e.c]

Honestly I've always considered myself average in many ways, just with worse social skills and mental state than others. That said, I didn't fit in with anyone since elementary school, but I learned how to blend into the background it seems. I think it was by first grade that I was already nearly entirely on my own, might have even started disliking life as far back as then lol that all said, I don't think I'm too terribly different from others. I'm most definitely not special. About everything about me is average or below average.

I don't think there's a normal type of person who could live without depression and be happy 24/7. Sadness is a part of life for everyone if you get attached to anything living, sincce living things are doomed to die. If someone was happy 24/7, it would be unnerving to me. I think the people we see as normal must just know how to handle things better or have something they feel makes life worth living. I don't know how it's possible to not consider suicide, but I'm sure there are people who don't even when life is awful to them. In any case I think everyone will experience sadness if not depression at some point, but some can cope better and perhaps it's "normal" for that sadness to lessen for them or go away, which isn't so normal for people like us it seems.

i know that feeling below average i mostly feel worthless , and honestly i think normal people wear alot of masks to hide the fact that that are unhappy but like you said its normal for there sadness to go away but for me it feels like a never ending trip

 

[CommitSudoku]

I think for a lot of us on here, our sadness has proven to be a never-ending trip and it's so tiring and ever trying to explain this to anyone who hasn't experienced this lasting sadness probably wouldn't get us anywhere. I would love to be brave enough to ask some more normal people in my life how they cope with it. They must have better coping methods too, or some way to convince themselves that what they do has more meaning. I see no meaning in my life. But they might just direct us to stuff like the "# stages of grief" haha too bad we're stuck endlessly in some stage of eternal grief/sadness.

 

[Disappointered]

That realization never happened since I have never not felt different. Over the years certain hopes were dashed and new thresholds of failure and alienation crossed but it was always shit from the start. Perhaps in some pre-formed toddler state I didn't have any conception of difference since I was apparently a seemingly happy baby but that didn't last long. I knew both my parents were different and were losers by age three. I was first suicidal at age nine.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, what is normal is subjective. Wanting to die is normal for me, I have never wanted to be alive and it is simply the way I am. I am not meant for this world at all, I should have never been born in the first place. I know that I do not belong in this world. To me there is no such thing as happiness. In a world full of meaningless suffering there is nothing to be happy about. I am sorry that you are in so much pain. I wish you the best.

 

[tieiwi]

Since whatever age it is that you gain consciousness. I had an abusive childhood and everyday was a reminder that my life wasn't normal. I remember purposefully making myself look really sad in public as a kid so that someone would maybe stop and ask if I was ok and they'd take my away from my abusive home.

 

[Seafoam]

I've known since I started school. Always felt like there was an invisible wall between me and other people. Now I know that that wall was mental illness, neurodivergence, and my own weirdness ;P

 

[Aplev]

I felt different since I was a kid. Maybe 5 years old, or even less? But what makes me think I am even more different to others (plus the fact of feeling different from a very early age) is that I don't feel different because of not liking life or not being able to handle daily life difficulties, but rather because my level of curiosity and questioning is extremely high and I still got to find at least one person that can relate to this. As a matter of fact, I often find myself searching for answers in the Internet and not finding a single person that asked the same question as I, or even feeling nearly similar as I do when looking at the world. Also, my level of tolerance to things not being the way I want is extremely, extremely low. In other words, I can be very whiny and get angry very easily at pretty much everything and everyone. Finally, most people say that I am very nice and some have even qualified me as a 'good person', so, that makes me feel even weirder and different (how could someone say I am a 'good person' with how whiny and angry I can be? Am I really that good at directing my emotional turmoil inwards rather than outwards? It doesn't make sense to me, and since I need to find an answer to each and every of my questions, not being able to find a satisfying answer to this question makes me go mad and want to die already, just to stop the pain all of this induces into my mind).

 

[ikadasui]

When in elementary they were having us list off what we wanted to be in life dream big nonsense and I literally didn't want to do anything. You can't survive without any kind of goal or passion

 

[Circles]

When I was a kid probably in school most likely and realized I'm unable to form friendships as others could. Or that I was near mute and extremely shy. The bullying also of course made me realize I was different I guess.

 

[speck]

Like most people here: when I was a kid. I had a lot of difficult and stilted relationships with other kids my age, I remember self destructing friendships on purpose so I wouldn't experience rejection. I was abused at home and bullied extremely badly in middle school and channeled that aggression against the few friends I had left. All of my relationships have felt strange and I'll formed, or transactional. I've never felt right, I've always felt like I'm not supposed to be here. I tried to commit suicide for the first time at 11, I think.

 

[hopelessgirl]

When I was just a kid. I lived kind of well with it till I was 23. Then I started to become suicidal.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

Also when I was a kid. Socializing was so much more difficult than everyone else made it seem, and adding to the disconnect, I was poor, overprotected, and much preferred the world of imagination to people.

I might have been able to live a happy life in spite of my difference in personhood, but eh, add in a bit of life's turmoil, emotional abuse, and mental illness, and welp. I'm well and truly fucked.