When did you realize that it wasn't meant to be for you?

[Ambivalent1]

I'm starting to accept that no matter what I do, it just won't work. It is maddening. But I'm thankful I never had kids to pass on the sufferings of life.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

7 or 8ish years old.

 

[Hollowman]

I6 and that was decades ago, I should've ctb then. I'm also thankful I didn't reproduce.

 

[aesoppo]

Just been an ongoing realization. Waxes and wanes. I suppose around 12 is when it really first hit me that life isn't worth it, some people just aren't meant for it

 

[Ambivalent1]

Just been an ongoing realization. Waxes and wanes. I suppose around 12 is when it really first hit me that life isn't worth it, some people just aren't meant for it

Maybe most people aren't

 

[12_Years_Late]

I cannot remember a time when I did not think about joining the afterlife. I have always known that it would be much better than my life on here.

When I die, I will make sure in my first 24 hours in the afterlife, that I never get another chance to return to this planet. I am ready to go and there is nothing left for me to do but wait one more week. There is way too little in this world that I am interested in and I don't ever want to go back to this world when I die.

 

[crimsonpool]

last year at 18 after years of everything continually going downhill and getting worse even when i thought it couldn't. i think for some of us things truly never get better & that's just how it is

 

[deleted442]

It's taken 40 years for the penny to drop that we are just a tiny spec in this vast cosmos.
This would upset a whole lot of people but human life means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong there are countless gifted humans throughout history that have contributed to the world in extraordinary ways. What humans have achieved in the last 100 years is nothing short of remarkable but at what cost and at what point do we say, enough is enough. In this tech driven world of abundance there is no longer a reason for individuals to suffer and yet billions continue to at the hands of a minority consumed by greed.
From one's own perspective human life only means something if we choose to give it meaning. But like so many others, this disillusioned soul wasn't conditioned to think of giving life value and meaning just for being. There needed to be validation. A reason to justify existence. An endless search for meaning in doing something…anything.
The lesson being that for an individual to be valued, and hold one's self in high esteem, is to do something that others deem worthy. To fit neatly into a system of seemingly endless greed and authoritarianism.
In many ways a false inauthentic world where we are told we are already enough and yet a world that thrives in its own contradiction. A capitalist machine where individual contribution is never enough. There is always a demand for more. More stuff to occupy a fragile dopamine addicted mind. That is until boredom rapidly sets in and the cycle of grasping repeats. Brainwashed yearning for something new, novel and exciting to fill what is otherwise a meaningless void of chemical addiction.
We are called human-beings and yet there is way too much emphasis given to what we do. We have never once referred to our species as human-doings and yet we define ourselves as such.
Is breathing something we do? Do we remind our heart to keep beating? No it just happens. In the same way life in the natural world is a happening. In this human-centric world, this illusion of life is forced. Like forcing a square peg in a round hole. It's going to hurt a whole lot of people that were not blessed with having the edges nicely rounded off from a young age. If you've read this far, thank you and well done you. I'm clearly just a bitter old fool who is disenfranchised with it all.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

When i saw all my friends leave for College/University, all the potheads never went but still. I just worked..

I never had an interest in anything except IT yet i never pursued anything and I'm too tired to even try anymore.

I guess though, those friends all came back to work in supermarkets here, sometimes education means shit, im not jealous but i just knew i wasnt a normal little drone like the rest.

The whole life story thing makes me ill, nah get me off this ride, fuck that shit dude

 

[Hollowman]

It's taken 40 years for the penny to drop that we are just a tiny spec in this vast cosmos.
This would upset a whole lot of people but human life means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong there are countless gifted humans throughout history that have contributed to the world in extraordinary ways. What humans have achieved in the last 100 years is nothing short of remarkable but at what cost and at what point do we say, enough is enough. In this tech driven world of abundance there is no longer a reason for individuals to suffer and yet billions continue to at the hands of a minority consumed by greed.
From one's own perspective human life only means something if we choose to give it meaning. But like so many others, this disillusioned soul wasn't conditioned to think of giving life value and meaning just for being. There needed to be validation. A reason to justify existence. An endless search for meaning in doing something…anything.
The lesson being that for an individual to be valued, and hold one's self in high esteem, is to do something that others deem worthy. To fit neatly into a system of seemingly endless greed and authoritarianism.
In many ways a false inauthentic world where we are told we are already enough and yet a world that thrives in its own contradiction. A capitalist machine where individual contribution is never enough. There is always a demand for more. More stuff to occupy a fragile dopamine addicted mind. That is until boredom rapidly sets in and the cycle of grasping repeats. Brainwashed yearning for something new, novel and exciting to fill what is otherwise a meaningless void of chemical addiction.
We are called human-beings and yet there is way too much emphasis given to what we do. We have never once referred to our species as human-doings and yet we define ourselves as such.
Is breathing something we do? Do we remind our heart to keep beating? No it just happens. In the same way life in the natural world is a happening. In this human-centric world, this illusion of life is forced. Like forcing a square peg in a round hole. It's going to hurt a whole lot of people that were not blessed with having the edges nicely rounded off from a young age. If you've read this far, thank you and well done you. I'm clearly just a bitter old fool who is disenfranchised with it all.

Well said, you're definitely not a fool.

 

[cami]

9 years old.
really sad but i just knew.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm starting to accept that no matter what I do, it just won't work. It is maddening. But I'm thankful I never had kids to pass on the sufferings of life.

27/28/29. It's been a lesson in suffering.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think that particular aspect of it has come and gone and come back for me. I didn't exactly become suicidal out of apathy for life. I've certainly experienced that though- for well over 15 years combined maybe.

For me- my ideation was initially because I found my circumstances unbearable. For some periods in my life, I REALLY tried to succeed- I guess I must have had some hope. I guess for some periods- I reached a reasonable level of success that was enough for me to distract myself. Ideation has always been there since I was 10 but how I've experienced it has changed. For well over a year recently though, the apathy side of it has really increased.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that I've never been meant to exist here, in fact I've always found comfort in the thought of finally being free from everything.
And I could never wish to endure something so dreadful and futile as existing anyway, this hellish reality could never be a desirable place to exist in, no matter what I will always prefer the sound of nothingness, there is no point to existing.