Discussion When did you first realize how hard it is to ctb?

[Lifeless mindset]

About 30 minutes ago i attempted suicide for my 3rd time (tourniquet method) and i wasn't even able to get myself to pass out. At this point i feel like walking up to police officer, taking their gun and shooting myself in the head.

 

[Disappointered]

I realized it in my early 20s when I tried to cut my wrists in the bathtub. Turns out your skin doesn't just slice open . You have to really saw away. Unpleasant.

 

[Ardesevent]

Failing an attempt always feels that way, but you can't give in to thoughts like that. I've been attempting since I was 12, but I think I only started realizing how difficult it was around 15. Nothing seems to work for you once you dedicate yourself to dying.

 

[AJ95]

It is pretty hard, it's weird how sometimes humans seems so hard to kill and other times so fragile.

For me I realized it after I tried to hang myself a year or so ago before I found SS and had no idea what I was doing. I just couldn't pass out and it made me really upset that I couldn't even die right.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

It is pretty hard, it's weird how sometimes humans seems so hard to kill and other times so fragile.

For me I realized it after I tried to hang myself a year or so ago before I found SS and had no idea what I was doing. I just couldn't pass out and it made me really upset that I couldn't even die right.

Which I hate when none suicidal people say "suicide is the easy way out" it´s far from easy if they ever became suicidal themselves and attempted suicide they would realize but only then.

 

[Η αυτοκτονία μου]

About 30 minutes ago i attempted suicide for my 3rd time (tourniquet method) and i wasn't even able to get myself to pass out. At this point i feel like walking up to police officer, taking their gun and shooting myself in the head.

hey, i'll join ya

 

[AJ95]

Which I hate when none suicidal people say "suicide is the easy way out" it´s far from easy if they ever became suicidal themselves and attempted suicide they would realize but only then.

I know, I hate that too.

They say it's the easy way out when they have literally no idea how hard it is, mentally and physically, to actually kill yourself

 

[NeedToD]

It wasn't the first time I realized it, but it was the most prominent. Being in a hotel room with a large knife, fantasizing that all I had to do was stab myself once and then would just bleed to death. Held onto the knife for multiple hours, and was drinking, but didn't do anything. SI and being a coward suck.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

About 30 minutes ago i attempted suicide for my 3rd time (tourniquet method) and i wasn't even able to get myself to pass out. At this point i feel like walking up to police officer, taking their gun and shooting myself in the head.

I have struggled with the tourniquet many times. I was never able to pass out either.

 

[Puppy]

The only attempts I've made were thru hanging and then "hanging" but while leaning or sitting (I think it's called suspended hanging sorry I forget the term). I've attempted more times I can remember honestly. Probably was around 5th time I attempted and realized it wasn't as easy as I thought. I had thought that all the previous times I just wasn't trying hard enough but after that I pushed myself so hard and try for so long that I would literally would fall asleep halfway thru and wake up on the floor with the rope round the door handle lmfao

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I know, I hate that too.

They say it's the easy way out when they have literally no idea how hard it is, mentally and physically, to actually kill yourself

Just like when people say suicidal people just need help like therapy, sure it have worked for some that has only been dealing with suicidal thought for a few months due to some bad events that happened in their life but for people who have been suicidal for years or decades the best therapy can offer is anti depressants and therapy to make the person just stable enough to be able to benefit society by working like a good little slave but they are not happy we see these people on here every day talking about being on psych drugs but not being happy it dulls them not just the suicidal ideations but also their emotions they become obedient robots who isn´t really living life just benefitting the government economically.

 

[Marauder]

I realisied it when I bought a revolver, loaded it, cocked the hammer and tried to pull the trigger. Its really hard but I think practise is key to success

 

[Breadbfra]

Overcoming SI is the worst thing. Killing yourself, not too much. An inmate in Italy killed himself with a mask, he hunged himself.
SI is the worst, that's why they suggest taking LSD or something else

 

[Homecoming]

I realized that fasting for at least 8 hours is hard to do (my parents is home most of the time because of the f*cking pandemic and they'll be forcing (and even sometimes watching) me to eat meals 3 times a day

I must not fail my first CTB attempt with SN! Luckily I've got plenty KCN if my parents are still monitoring me like I'm a VIP prisoner

I won't be seeing 2021. CTB deadline set!

 

[Robyn]

There was a thread here some months ago written by someone who made it his practice to walk late each evening for a month or so into the quiet privacy of his backyard garden, where he would sit and practice positioning his gun in the most effective position (in his mouth?) before retiring for the night.
I think maybe a brought a drink or a smoke with him, and made it a not-unpleasant nightly idyll.

It seemed that the ritual practice lent the evening of his final act, when he was going to pull the trigger, a sort of calm inevitability. At least that's what I remember, and I believe he was successful.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

2 years ago I tried partial hanging and was like "hm thought that would be way easier"

 

[albino_elk]

I realized it in my early 20s when I tried to cut my wrists in the bathtub. Turns out your skin doesn't just slice open . You have to really saw away. Unpleasant.

I did this but i drank many pils and vodka on top of it. I woke up in reanimation with a woman whispering in my ear "you must cut straight"

 

[Nigh]

Probably the second time I tried to throw myself off of a high rise building, and couldn't because of survival instant. I was so naive- before taking pills, trying to hang myself and trying to throw myself of buildings. I just thought if you wanted to kill yourself you probably could. Know I find it almost impossible . I feel like I'm immortal at this point

 

[Craig31ldn]

Determination is a key factor and you are battling with SI. Most attempts are feeble because of SI

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

it made me really upset that I couldn't even die right

That is the worst feeling ever.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

I first realized it 20 years ago when I found alt.suicide.holiday and before that my ideas about CTB were between the crafted narritive in Hollywood movies around it and the documented history of human beings hanging. It really came to the surface though when I tried to drink SN last month and experienced things I didn't anticipate.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Took a bunch of tylenol as a dumb kid. Lived. Realized I'd have to do a whole lot more research.

 

[NightmareTour]

Probably the first time I stood on the edge of something and tried to jump. It's weird how even at your lowest point, your brain will still fight against immediate danger, no matter how much you want to die.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

In my darker days, I found myself on the more unsavory side of the internet with some unpleasant videos of murder and what not. As it turns out, the human body is super duper resilient to a hell of a lot of punishment. I think about that when I think about ctb.

 

[voidman]

When I tried to hang myself

 

[Η αυτοκτονία μου]

I realisied it when I bought a revolver, loaded it, cocked the hammer and tried to pull the trigger. Its really hard but I think practise is key to success

this has now become my preferred method, unfortunately having to wait until it's in my hands, is becoming more challenging. i don't know what will happen first, the loaded gun or the anticipation from waiting?

 

[Mr.Nobody]

0 attempts so far so hopefully I will realize it once and for all.

 

[Rn110bg101]

When I first came to this forum. Before I thought it was as simple as stabbing through the heart like in those police shows. Now that would have been painful, ha

 

[losthope123]

When I was on the side of a bridge thinking of jumping. Its a lot less scary in thought than in practice.

 

[Niftypoint124]

SI kicked in during my only previous attempt 15 yrs ago and it was... just shockingly strong.