What's your reason for comitting suicide?

[winterparty]

Hello,
I will CTB soon and I was bullied at school for 8 years, I had a crazy mum and a father with multiple sclerosis. Then I've had severe social anxiety starting at the age of 15 and lost all my friends. Never found new ones and also no meaningful romantic relationships. Then I started drinking and smoking weed. Then something very horrible happened to me and now I'm good to go without having experienced real love or a meaningful career. Basically no social life after 18. I'm almost 30 now. Maybe I will publish the more interesting whole story if enough people care and share

 

[Darkover]

schizophrenia, decayed teeth, broken left shoulder dislocated 10 times goes weak and limp, tinnitus, a brain injury, and a damaged stomach lining, plus no sex for 20 years.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would prefer to cease existing on my own terms to prevent and escape from all future unnecessary suffering in an existence that was always meaningless and undesirable in the first place. I find it horrifying how in existence there is unlimited potential for pain, torment and harm, I see it as such a terrible burden to have the ability to exist and in my case I see suicide as rational to find peace from the cruelty and futility of existing.
I don't see any value in being tormented by old age, I'd always prefer the peace of an eternal and dreamless sleep where there is no problems or concerns and where all is finally forgotten about, ceasing to exist would solve everything for me.

 

[BJ1234]

I feel like is giving me these signs just to tell me that I have done enough, I have fulfilled my purpose. And now, my existence is hurting those around me. And I believe now that is my purpose, to die.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i've wanted to kms since i was 13, which is when i planned my 1st attempt. since i was 11 or 12, my life's been constantly devolving. over the years, i've done everything you're supposed to do to 'recover'/'be better', & nothing. the last 6 yrs (aka the best yrs of my life) have basically just been the same day, w slight changes. if my last attempt @ 17 had worked, it would've saved me from sm more bs. life or the universe or wtv u wanna call it has proven me right over & over again, i'm not meant to be a person & my purpose is to die. i don't need any more proof, lol. & i have no1 in my life that i need to worry abt. so ctb is my only logical option. it's just so damn hard to kys :// & logic alone isn't enough to overcome that.

 

[Aim]

I became suicidal when I realized that it was mental disorder that was and has been the rot cause to why my struggles and eventually problems. I started executing a plan when i realized that the odds to ever get better is like zero to none.

I like to think that if thats not a legit enough reason to ctb. Then what is...

It just haunts me that it's my parents that did this to me, not myself. My personality has gotten defragmented due to all this trauma so. And I so much wanted life.
Spending any more time in therapy etc etc is out of the question for me at this point. I also refuse to live a life that is only 50% good, and the rest in pain. Which it would always be like.

Seeing all of my fam and friends living having their time if their life's also really makes me so unhappy. Not that I don't wish that for them, but it just haunts me. Because I also wanted that for myself.

 

[divinemistress36]

Treatment resistant depression and Brain injury

 

[ChronicLoser]

A whole host of mental illnesses, severe and everlasting self hatred, resistance to medication, hopelessness and uselessness

 

[NaNO2_is_the_answer]

Ugly + mentally ill

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Life really isn't good enough for me to where I want to voluntarily live it

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm tired of existing and I'm also someone who has and still is causing suffering to those around me. The only way to fix all of this is for me to be dead.

 

[Ligottian]

It would take an interview to do justice to your question. Here's a morsel. I'll soon be 64 and am starting to develop minor cognitive and memory issues. If I ever feel myself going full dementia (like my late father), I'm gone. I've seen that hell.

 

[LifeTransit_1]

Alot of things... but to help make it easier to understand all the reasons why I want KMS/CTB. I will explain my life story.

Born into a low-middle income family who were devoted christians & anti-suicide. I am on the spectrum and did have learning disabilities that my parents thought were BS. We will come back to that a bit later.

Since a very young age I had dealt with some of the stupidiest rules you would ever deal with. Some rules just did not make sense at all. For example one of the rules I remember for all the BAD reasons was that I had to take after school activities since I was 3 y/o. I would literally be out the house from 7AM to 9PM some nights. That of course decreased the amount of sleep I got. (Which was only 7 hours as a young child) I needed 11 to 12 hours of sleep at that age. This as what you would expect damaged my development badly which also brought my learning disabilities into existence.

My parents never believed in learning disabilities as they said that I learnt more things than most kids the same age as me and that I have a "learning proficiency"... Does that sound a bit fucked up? So I never got any resources available to kids like me for all of primary school/elementary school. Becuase of their dumb thinking and actions, I graduated 2 years late (I re-did Grade 4 & 6. Also there is no middle school where I live)

When High School came, I was actually old enough to make a file to get those education resources without needing my parents approval. This pissed my parents off badly. They were so pissed that I opened up a file, they literally beated me to the point, I went to the hospital and had to get surgery done on my back. Thankfully I got the resources needed for school and did not have to redo a level to graduate High School.

As soon as I turned 20 I had plans to move out... but, my parents being the devil. They would not let me leave to find a place of my own till they would die. Any threats to move out were dealt with extreme punishments that I will not get into. Other than that they are all against the law.

It would be not long after attempting to move out for the first time to attempt to CTB. It was by trying to stab myself but my parents found out before attempting for real. I did attempt 2 more times since but as you guess failed.

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since the beating that caused my back surgery. (Around 10 years ago) I am 25 now. How do I want to CTB? Any way possible these days without my parents knowing. I might jump off a high rise building or hang myself in a forest.

To summarize:

Q: Why I want to Die?
A: Because of abusive parents, terrible past, current suicidal thoughts,

Q: Do you think you can heal the relationship with my parents?
A: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT

Q: How will I CTB?
A: Unknown at the moment. Will try again soon.

 

[Aim]

Alot of things... but to help make it easier to understand all the reasons why I want KMS/CTB. I will explain my life story.

Born into a low-middle income family who were devoted christians & anti-suicide. I am on the spectrum and did have learning disabilities that my parents thought were BS. We will come back to that a bit later.

Since a very young age I had dealt with some of the stupidiest rules you would ever deal with. Some rules just did not make sense at all. For example one of the rules I remember for all the BAD reasons was that I had to take after school activities since I was 3 y/o. I would literally be out the house from 7AM to 9PM some nights. That of course decreased the amount of sleep I got. (Which was only 7 hours as a young child) I needed 11 to 12 hours of sleep at that age. This as what you would expect damaged my development badly which also brought my learning disabilities into existence.

My parents never believed in learning disabilities as they said that I learnt more things than most kids the same age as me and that I have a "learning proficiency"... Does that sound a bit fucked up? So I never got any resources available to kids like me for all of primary school/elementary school. Becuase of their dumb thinking and actions, I graduated 2 years late (I re-did Grade 4 & 6. Also there is no middle school where I live)

When High School came, I was actually old enough to make a file to get those education resources without needing my parents approval. This pissed my parents off badly. They were so pissed that I opened up a file, they literally beated me to the point, I went to the hospital and had to get surgery done on my back. Thankfully I got the resources needed for school and did not have to redo a level to graduate High School.

As soon as I turned 20 I had plans to move out... but, my parents being the devil. They would not let me leave to find a place of my own till they would die. Any threats to move out were dealt with extreme punishments that I will not get into. Other than that they are all against the law.

It would be not long after attempting to move out for the first time to attempt to CTB. It was by trying to stab myself but my parents found out before attempting for real. I did attempt 2 more times since but as you guess failed.

I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since the beating that caused my back surgery. (Around 10 years ago) I am 25 now. How do I want to CTB? Any way possible these days without my parents knowing. I might jump off a high rise building or hang myself in a forest.

To summarize:

Q: Why I want to Die?
A: Because of abusive parents, terrible past, current suicidal thoughts,

Q: Do you think you can heal the relationship with my parents?
A: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT

Q: How will I CTB?
A: Unknown at the moment. Will try again soon.

I'm so sorry for this, this is absolutely devastating. Some parents deserve jail time!

 

[BearNoMore]

A laundry list of reasons. I was severely mentally abused as a child. I was molested (not by family). Grew up the child of alcoholics. I suffer daily from bipolar disorder. And the real reason why is because my wife, who was the only person I think I've ever fully trusted and loved, just broke my heart in a way I can't even begin to assess and address.

 

[throneofdispair03]

Pointless suffering, I'm a sucky person, All alone, Self hatred.

 

[Adûnâi]

The reason for my eventual suicide might be the lack of heterosexual handholding - because I have no idea what hoops to jump through. And now the Ukraine is dying, so I can't even go to the therapist.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Fear of death is one of the main reasons, lol. Everyday I worry about how I'm going to die and hope that I don't get hurt in some horrific way. I'm afraid and anxious all the time. I cant even take drugs (shrooms, weed) because I get these horrible panic attacks.

I hate my appearance. Everything about myself I hate. I'm so embarrassed to be alive.

I have nothing to show for and I'm self employed which means that I don't have financial security for the future.

 

[outrider567]

Death of live-in girlfriend, 35 years of memories

 

[Ironborn]

Just a mess of mental problems, social anxiety, OCD, borderline autism I think but never tested.
Drank heavily just to shut my brain up and stop worrying for a weekend but that became its own problem.

Took me much longer to realise than it should that I am at my core just broken.
Attempted to ctb once but it was a spur of the moment and drunk so probably doomed to fail anyway.
Got what I needed for the "night night" method, quit my job so going to use up my savings, try and enjoy myself for once in my life then go out on my terms.

 

[H25pital Order]

Other than my daughter, I have failed to contribute to society; living with MH & pain related issues only burdens their association.

 

[prone2fury]

a few reasons off the top of my head:

• i'm transgender
• no marketable skills (or unmarketable, for that matter)
• family troubles
• medical debt
• no money to speak of

probably more i'm forgetting

 

[Hunter2005]

Well this might sound weird but I'm doing it because I have a brain injury but it's really because I want a better life when I come back here again. Due to me getting brain injury in my teen years I missed out a lot on things, so I want to come back and do this whole experience over.

 

[Kit1]

Traumatic childhood resulting in complex PTSD and other challenges, haunted by flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation, lack of medical support/therapy to enable me to stay alive and cannot afford ylto pay for private therapy sessions on a long term basis.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Because I'm too indeceisive and unwilling to change my circumstances that could have lead towards a better path previously and each time I try to better myself I'm disappointed again.

 

[divinemistress36]

Well this might sound weird but I'm doing it because I have a brain injury but it's really because I want a better life when I come back here again. Due to me getting brain injury in my teen years I missed out a lot on things, so I want to come back and do this whole experience over.

Having a brain injury is extremely hard

 

[turbomightbegone]

I clearly can't pick myself up when ive already been knocked down by other people,, including my family ofc, theyve overworked me and now I have nothing left to give. it feels like I'm already decaying right here in my bed. decaying by myself with like 8378383 undiagnosed mental disorders fucking me all at once. I guess I just want to rest.

 

[Abyssal]

Oh man all sorts of shit. My answer always depends on the bullshit I've dealt with more recently. Here's what comes to mind:

• depression
• anxiety
• misophonia
• wageslaving
• insomnia
• elementary school trauma of being bullied resulting in a need to constantly prove myself as lovable and a feeling of worthlessness if I see any proof I am otherwise
• probably other shit
• genetics

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Because life is boring, tiring and pointless. And the human race keeps getting more stupid and useless by the year.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

A lot of reasons. Mental health, depression and OCD definitely play a factor.

But it boils down to an overwhelming feeling that I wasn't built for a world like this. The pointless suffering and hatred, the way society is structured to benefit the few, all of these are things I can't tolerate well.

I am exhausted by life, and disillusioned beyond return.