What I fear is suffering until very old age in this torturous, futile existence with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, it really terrifies me how a human can suffer for so long, to me existence itself really is an abomination that just causes harm and suffering, it's all just so dreadful to me, I'd never wish to exist and I suffer just from existing, it's extreme cruelty to me how I cannot just have the option to simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again with no risks of ending up in a situation of way worse suffering even know this existence was so tragically imposed in the first place. I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence, I just want nothingness instead, I wish for no more pain and suffering, the thought of facing the extreme agony and torture of old age after suffering for so long is horrific to me, I just want peace.