What's your main reason for wanting to CTB?

[Worndown]

A broken heart, jealousy, anxiety and stress

Have you done anything to lessen these issues? Anxiety and stress can make life very difficult. Life changes and medications can help.
A broken heart and jealousy are ultimately temporary problems no matter how much they hurt today.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Feeling like I am completely emotional dependant upon romantic love to feel happy.

 

[Worndown]

Feeling like I am completely emotional dependant upon romantic love to feel happy.

I am sorry you are limited to this to feel happy.

 

[H3llucinations]

I don't know if that's your real picture. If so. I would of had a major crush on you when i was that age. But, it just goes to show how this life can bring anyone down. In my monkey brain I look at your picture and think I'd have the world in the palm of my hand if I was that pretty.

Thank you for the nice comment

Have you done anything to lessen these issues? Anxiety and stress can make life very difficult. Life changes and medications can help.
A broken heart and jealousy are ultimately temporary problems no matter how much they hurt today.

I was on some meds for a while but I stopped taking them because they made me feel nauseous. And I am going to counciling but it's hard for me to open up about my problems to people.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I am sorry you are limited to this to feel happy.

Me too it fueled my first attempt & will be the premise of my final if i ever go thru with it.....

 

[scbice]

Isolated my entire life, lifelong bullying. Never had a relationship, never had a job. Basically blacklisted from society.

You've never had a job? Sounds like a dream reality

 

[andy69]

No career or job. Betrayal by close friends. The only person I ever loved left for another. I have nothing to live for nor is there a chance of my life getting better.

 

[Xaphous]

You've never had a job? Sounds like a dream reality

Haha not with no money it's not. Benefits are hardly enough to live on.

 

[Pepper]

I ruined my life with weed, alcohol and e. Lost the only person I truly loved because of fear, selfishness & narcissism. Never was grateful to my parents, friends or God. Total loser.

You sound like my ex-fiancé, minus the God part.

 

[bruisedmind]

I can't take any more pain being inflicted on me. Abuse, sexual assault, bullying, instability, broken promises and abandonment. Cocaine alcohol and cutting myself just doesn't take the edge off it all anymore. I hit my threshold for all this some time ago and if there's more to come then I don't want to know, it's a cruel joke that I'm best off checking out from

 

[Icarus]

You sound like my ex-fiancé, minus the God part.

You can replace God with gut feeling. Same thing

 

[Taki]

I think I was put together the wrong way. I had a good, safe childhood in a loving and prosperous family. But I made one terrible choice after another as an adult, and wasted every opportunity I had. Now I'm alone with no hope of having someone in my life, and I worry that my long history of stress and depression could trigger early dementia. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was 11. Basically life is shit. I feel sad for those of you who were so mistreated as children. Something just went wrong with me.

 

[Mr2005]

It's a stupid one really. Waited so long for something that the years passed, people died, people grew up, the world changed. I just never got on with it and have been left behind

 

[Alonelylife]

Crippling anxiety, crippling social anxiety, no social skills, no social life, failed in my career, never had a friend, never been in love, never been loved, invisible and weak, no personality, no interests I can share, no clue who I am, never experienced joy. Now I'm 36 and have lost all hope for a normal life, let alone a happy life.

 

[Kjo]

Hmm, let's see. I'll name a few. Maybe some others here have some in common with me.

1.) I don't enjoy anything and never really had, leaving little hope for future joy.
2.) I realize I am permanently damaged with an embarrassing and chronic pain condition.
3.) I hate myself so incredibly much and legit feel like I'm a burden for everyone I love.
4.) The most trivial of tasks seem daunting and insurmountable every second of every day - I'd like me if I could just get out of bed or brush my teeth consistently. It's not laziness, just depression.
5.) End the suffering.
6.) End the responsibilities I don't feel I can accomplish or live up to.
7.) Sincerely curious as to what's after death.
8.) We all die sometime, why not control your own?
9.) Why not?
10.) Don't want to get old and have less potential, skill, beauty, whatever.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I ruined my life with weed, alcohol and e. Lost the only person I truly loved because of fear, selfishness & narcissism. Never was grateful to my parents, friends or God. Total loser.

Yup I lost the only person I truly loved because of my own stupidity

 

[wendydong1]

Feeling like I am completely emotional dependant upon romantic love to feel happy.

Hi, I just read your posts in this thread. A guy is also my final trigger to really want to die. I have always been a little suicidal since college, used to go on ASH when ASH was still on google group. Always thought about dying after my parents and my dog pass away. I was happy being single the last 4, 5 years. Then I met a guy while I was on a trip. I had a greatest time with him. Then we kept in touch through phone for the last 6 months. He was just the nicest guy, he tolerated all my crazy antics..

Then we decided to meet up again, in paris.. It was a trip from hell. I still shutter when I think about the trip. He would get angry at me for the craziest reasons, for example, he didn't like that i was looking at him in public.. The last straw was when he cried saying that he should be married at his age, but nobody wants to marry him. and I said, I want to marry you. He flipped out. He said all the nasty things to me, like you think you can control me, fuck you and your money, he didn't let me touch him at all after that.

After all this, i still have so much feelings for him. I kept telling him that i just want to go back to before, like before the paris trip. But he can't.

I always want to die anyways. I have just been waiting for my parents and my dog to die. Now, i just want to die now. I just feel very sorry to my parents and my dog. They really love me. I also have friends that care about me, and I am healthy and has a good paying job (although a dead end job). But the pain is just too much

 

[TAW122]

My main reason would be my lifelong condition of Aspergers syndrome coupled with social anxiety as well as general anxiety. Then a few other major reasons include the state of affairs of society, the world (things getting worse than better), unjust things, bad things happening to people that are out of their control, and of course, unfulfilled dreams. That is just a few, but I do have other personal reasons too.

 

[HGL91]

Hi, I just read your posts in this thread. A guy is also my final trigger to really want to die. I have always been a little suicidal since college, used to go on ASH when ASH was still on google group. Always thought about dying after my parents and my dog pass away. I was happy being single the last 4, 5 years. Then I met a guy while I was on a trip. I had a greatest time with him. Then we kept in touch through phone for the last 6 months. He was just the nicest guy, he tolerated all my crazy antics..

Then we decided to meet up again, in paris.. It was a trip from hell. I still shutter when I think about the trip. He would get angry at me for the craziest reasons, for example, he didn't like that i was looking at him in public.. The last straw was when he cried saying that he should be married at his age, but nobody wants to marry him. and I said, I want to marry you. He flipped out. He said all the nasty things to me, like you think you can control me, fuck you and your money, he didn't let me touch him at all after that.

After all this, i still have so much feelings for him. I kept telling him that i just want to go back to before, like before the paris trip. But he can't.

I always want to die anyways. I have just been waiting for my parents and my dog to die. Now, i just want to die now. I just feel very sorry to my parents and my dog. They really love me. I also have friends that care about me, and I am healthy and has a good paying job (although a dead end job). But the pain is just too much

That is so sad! It's not easy to tell someone you want to marry them and then he flipped out on you. :( How hurtful.

 

[oxymoron]

Not being able to change the past or present

Deep

For me, it's just the level of chaos in my life and lost opportunities since I had a psychotic episode. I've had a fairly low mood for as long as I can remember, but don't see any way of climbing out of the metaphorical hole I'm currently in. What about you?

LIFE

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

being bisexual bullied and heath issue..

 

[Ko9]

Because my brain is wired in a way that I will never be happy and always fall over. And because of memories, a lot of messed up shit happened.

 

[clarelively]

One minute i feel like i can do anything, like there is something to live for but the next i feel like why do i even bother telling myself lies like that, my best is just others' average, or worse. I lost all my motivations and my dreams, i don't see the point of anything anymore. Why try, i'll just fail as usual. There's nothing special about me, just a burden sore loser who likes to whine

 

[AmberRed]

I can't remember the quote, but it was in the book 'About a boy' when a character describes why they tried to cbt, something about just feeling like when you're at a party and knowing it's time to leave. But I've felt like that a long time now. And with all the depression, anxiety, self harm, anger, substance abuse etc etc I just feel fatally flawed. I feel my existence harms myself and others.

 

[Kjo]

I hate me too much

 

[PUimer]

This might be quite different from other response because I genuinely have a very good situation. No physical or mental problems, I have a gf, parents have a good income and I've been accepted into one of the best engineering school of my country. But it's just that I'm fed up with life, the everyday and frankly I just can't see the appeal of living. Since I have quite a confortable life I might be less likely to ctb but I still think about it everyday. There is just no point in living. And I'm someone who get bored very quickly so that doesn't help ( I don't have a "goal" or main occupation that I strive for because I change my mind so often).
I don't know if I'm miserable and with regard to what other posts described I might be the better of of this website.

 

[Guizin239]

I'm currently in a very unfortunate situation. I'm 23, and a NEET. My life is boring and painful. I have no social life, and I honestly, truly, cannot see a way out of my current state. Every obstacle seems insurmountable. I just can't do the things that are necessary to change things. I can't do them, I won't do them. Things will remain the same, and I'm tired of it. So I made the conscious decision that dying is the best thing to do.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi, I just read your posts in this thread. A guy is also my final trigger to really want to die. I have always been a little suicidal since college, used to go on ASH when ASH was still on google group. Always thought about dying after my parents and my dog pass away. I was happy being single the last 4, 5 years. Then I met a guy while I was on a trip. I had a greatest time with him. Then we kept in touch through phone for the last 6 months. He was just the nicest guy, he tolerated all my crazy antics..

Then we decided to meet up again, in paris.. It was a trip from hell. I still shutter when I think about the trip. He would get angry at me for the craziest reasons, for example, he didn't like that i was looking at him in public.. The last straw was when he cried saying that he should be married at his age, but nobody wants to marry him. and I said, I want to marry you. He flipped out. He said all the nasty things to me, like you think you can control me, fuck you and your money, he didn't let me touch him at all after that.

After all this, i still have so much feelings for him. I kept telling him that i just want to go back to before, like before the paris trip. But he can't.

I always want to die anyways. I have just been waiting for my parents and my dog to die. Now, i just want to die now. I just feel very sorry to my parents and my dog. They really love me. I also have friends that care about me, and I am healthy and has a good paying job (although a dead end job). But the pain is just too much

I'm so sorry for your pain. All human beings are wired for love and connection. Its so sad that we become broken and screwed up by the world and have such a hard time meeting this BASIC need. I hope you find hope, healing and peace for love , connection and bonding in a way that is sufficient for you.

 

[glk]

I feel almost nothing but deep, burning boredom inside of my chest.
Only things that I find somewhat entertaining are obscure and ephemeral.
My body feels like a trap

 

[EmptySteph62]

Sick of trying so hard to heal and recover and working towards the life I want only to feel more and more empty each day