Sadgirl121

Sadgirl121

Member
Dec 12, 2023
41
What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead
Why cant gay men be in a wheelchair?

You can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

(Funy because Im gay)
 
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N

noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,006
My life. (Sorry this joke was necessary I am not good at telling such jokes. I like humor more when it is situational.)
 
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UniqueWorm

UniqueWorm

the horrors persist but so do i
Sep 9, 2024
32
Its a five minute long story that ends in A butt joke
 
amnesia999

amnesia999

Lie, lie, lie - Life is a lie
Jun 30, 2024
217
It's difficult to think of a "best joke", there are so many of them. Recently I heard this joke...

This burglar broke into a house in the middle of the night. He knew the occupants were away, but tried to be stealthy so as not to alert the neighbors. As he searched for valuables, he heard this voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
He stood straight up and froze for several minutes, but hearing nothing, decided his brain was playing tricks on him. But all of the sudden, he heard the voice again: "Jesus is watching you."
This time he swung his flashlight around until he saw a birdcage with a parrot inside. He relaxed, went over, and said, "Polly want a cracker?" The parrot replied, "Oh I speak English." The burglar said, "Really? What's your name?" The parrot said, "Moses." The burglar demanded, "What kind of people would name their parrot 'Moses'?" And the parrot replied, "The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler 'Jesus'."


Its a five minute long story that ends in A butt joke
Come on, let's hear it. :sunglasses:
 
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Trismegistus_13

Trismegistus_13

Your best is all you can give
Jun 17, 2024
53
Norm Macdonald's moth joke is my favorite. To keep it short, a moth flies into a podiatrist's office, and the doctor asks what's wrong. The joke then has a very long-winded session about all the problems the moth is facing in his personal life, especially with his mental health. The doc says that he's a podiatrist and typically works on foot-related problems, and it sounds like the moth needs a psychiatrist. He asks why the moth came into his office, and the moth replies, "'Cause the light was on."
 
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Professor K

Professor K

your eyes vacant and stained
Feb 9, 2023
225
Losing your feline friend can be a cat-astrophe..............!
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
3,890
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J

justkatie

Member
Aug 25, 2024
85
Every time I touch my left leg, my right leg, my left arm, my torso and my head it hurts but when I touch my right arm I feel okay.

Yeah you idiot, you've broke your finger.
 
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amnesia999

amnesia999

Lie, lie, lie - Life is a lie
Jun 30, 2024
217
Q) How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
A) Wave at him!
 
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steppenwolf

steppenwolf

Not a student
Oct 25, 2023
161
The bin men are doing their rounds. One of the bin men notices a house without any wheelie bin outside, so he knocks on the door. After a while a Chinese gentleman answers the door in a silk dressing gown. 'Where's your bin?' asks the bin man.
'I bin in the house,' says the Chinaman.
'No, where's your dustbin,' asks the bin man again.
'I dust bin in the bathroom.'
The bin man shakes his head. 'No, no, you're not understanding me. Where's your wheelie bin?'
And the Chinaman says: 'All right, I wheelie bin having a wank.'

Plenty more where that came from.
 
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Somethingswrong

Somethingswrong

Member
Sep 28, 2024
30
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son,
He said "Dad can't you just use a sponge."
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,763
I'm terrible at comedy so the best I got is variations of dad humor like "Hi _____, I'm (My Name Here)" or any word that ends in a vaguely er sound gets a "___er? I barely know 'er!" The best spin I put on that is when someone was asking me directions to a certain market and I said "____ Market? I barely know it!".

I'm also known to take almost anything that ends in an ee sound and making a shitty Deez Nutz joke about it.

Oh and I also spout memes from shows I've watched.
 
Ironborn

Ironborn

Specialist
Jan 29, 2024
349
Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman and an Irishman are captured by terrorists.
Terrorist says "I'm going to shoot you but you get one last request."
Scotsman says "I want a thousand bagpipes playing Flower of Scotland."
Welshman says "I want a thousand Welshman singing Land of my Fathers."
Irishman says "I want a thousand Irishmen doing the riverdance."
Englishman says "Fucking shoot me first."
 
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amnesia999

amnesia999

Lie, lie, lie - Life is a lie
Jun 30, 2024
217
Q) What do you get when you cross a French statesman with a kitchen floor with a grenade?
A) Linoleum blownapart.
 
amnesia999

amnesia999

Lie, lie, lie - Life is a lie
Jun 30, 2024
217
Once there was a guy who had sex with a bird. He came down with a bad case of chirpies.

The worst part? It's un-tweetable.
 
Mirrory Me

Mirrory Me

"Life's a mirror, but 'whose' mirror?"
Mar 23, 2023
1,048
Me, ironically speaking.
 

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