What’s your age and desire to CTB?

[Z-A]

As title says. If it's both mental and physical or even all three, you have 3 selectable responses at the poll above.

Reply if you wanna specify your personal situation.

 

[aespa]

I am currently experiencing a difficult situation. I am facing cancer, BPD, ADHD, and sociopathy. I make a sincere effort to be sympathetic, but I receive comments accusing me of being fake because it's challenging for me to fully understand and empathize with people due to my mental state. In another incident, a group of teenagers harassed me, claiming I was catfishing while they were actually impersonating me. My identity has been stolen, and I have a weakened body. Recently, I broke my ankle due to my cancer (osteosarcoma stage 3 no treatment), which affects my bones and makes me frail. As a child I was kidnapped and placed in foster care after my mother killed herself after losing me. I am living off my friend's scraps and I am close to being homeless. I also have had a bunch of addictions when it comes to smoking weed and cigs, other drugs like xanax, percs, coke, and molly. and I'm still kind of struggling with it. i've been to rehab and am proud of my self control and determination. I've also been to many psych wards as young as 10 years old when I started cutting. Despite these challenges, I'm still alive which is shocking to me and im not sure if i can keep going.

 

[Tuonetar_]

I chose both mental health and "other" because I do have mental health issues, but I also feel an overall dissatisfaction with life in general. I don't particularly enjoy being alive--I've never connected well with other people and I only enjoy socializing in very short bursts, I resent the idea of continuing to work my life away and physically ruining my body, and I just find day to day life to be so exhausting. I'm tired of working, I'm tired of putting on makeup and a smile, I'm tired of paying bills, I'm tired of phone calls, I'm tired of cleaning, and I'm tired of singing in the shower and watching sunrises and talking to friends and family and all the other little things that make us humans. I'm just so, so tired. I don't think I was meant to be a human being, or if I was, I wasn't meant to live in this life. In this version of the world.

 

[nomoredolor]

31F wanted to ctb off and on since age 12 (mostly on)

Poor physical and mental health have certainly contributed to wanting to ctb

But honestly I've identified my biggest reason as poverty. If I had financial resources I wouldn't have to worry about the fact that I can't work. I would be able to get the medical care I need and jaw surgery. I would be able to afford regular massage therapy and therapy programs. I could use my limited energy to care for myself and flexible volunteer work.

I feel like my only options are live in pain, poverty & suffering OR ctb. I wish things were different. If my country had universal basic income and socialized healthcare I would be so much better off. I live in the good ol USA

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I've suffered in this existence for a really long time which is so terrible and painful and I've always wished to cease existing, in my case I just don't have any interest in suffering in this existence and never have done, I see human existence as a cruel, tragic mistake and it's something I was never meant for. I'd never wish for the futile and torturous burden of existing but rather I just wish to never suffer ever again. I just wish to not exist and always will do no matter what, ceasing to exist is always preferable for me than prolonging this suffering just to die in agony from old age with no limit as to how much I can be tormented, personally I just don't see value to existence rather it's something I'd prefer to forget about and avoid no matter what that I only wish for permanent peace from but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all.

 

[ren4215]

I chose both mental health and "other" because I do have mental health issues, but I also feel an overall dissatisfaction with life in general. I don't particularly enjoy being alive--I've never connected well with other people and I only enjoy socializing in very short bursts, I resent the idea of continuing to work my life away and physically ruining my body, and I just find day to day life to be so exhausting. I'm tired of working, I'm tired of putting on makeup and a smile, I'm tired of paying bills, I'm tired of phone calls, I'm tired of cleaning, and I'm tired of singing in the shower and watching sunrises and talking to friends and family and all the other little things that make us humans. I'm just so, so tired. I don't think I was meant to be a human being, or if I was, I wasn't meant to live in this life. In this version of the world.

this is almost exactly how i feel, just add in the part of where my relationship feels so one sided because of the resentment my partner holds towards me and my family not liking me lol. i understand what you're saying, being human is draining all the way around. it feels like no matter what you do, there's no winning and no real end goal imo

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Gosh it's definitely more than one reason and they're not all health related. I could honestly write a book listing all of my reasons.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Today years old.

 

[ringo99]

It's sad to see 18-25 year olds feeling this way. I had some hope of turning my life around in that time but fate, my health and upbringing said nope along the way

 

[burglarlydante]

I've been mentally fucked up since my 7yo

Suicidal since 10yo, due to a lot of reasons and now I'm not giving a fuck about anything which isn't about ending my life, so I'm sabotaging myself and doing things that makes me looke better, when is precisely the opposite and I've never been worst since then, I'm suicidal everyday and can't stop being controlled by my thoughts every second of my day, so I'm really needed to get some chance to kill myself

 

[timetodie24]

24 . I'm an error that should've never existed. My continued existence is damaging to the world. Nothing to live for either.

 

[Leiot]

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have been born at all. Then other times it's like I was born in the wrong time, or sometimes like I'm not completely in phase with this world. But I always feel like I screwed this life up so bad there's no undoing it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm 19 and I voted both for mental health and for other. I voted for mental health because I'm autistic which does impact my life negatively as I feel like it makes me far more sensitive to suffering and the horrors of life. However, I don't think that my main reason for being suicidal is due to autism. My main reason for being suicidal is honestly due to life itself and how life inherently has suffering and pain and hardships in it. All of the suffering and pain and hardships that a sentient being has to go through is just so pointless in the sense that nothing justifies the pain that somebody has to go through. Life is like a march to nowhere since death is inevitable anyway. I don't consider the pleasures of life to outweigh the suffering as instead I only see the pleasures of life as something that keeps a sentient being addicted to life and also distracts the sentient being from the suffering of life instead of actually curing it. The only way to end suffering is to end life and I don't see any counter arguments to this.

There is no reason to prolong life for another second. Even if I wasn't autistic but had the ability to rationally understand life in this way, I'd still want to be dead as being dead is the best gift ever

I chose both mental health and "other" because I do have mental health issues, but I also feel an overall dissatisfaction with life in general. I don't particularly enjoy being alive--I've never connected well with other people and I only enjoy socializing in very short bursts, I resent the idea of continuing to work my life away and physically ruining my body, and I just find day to day life to be so exhausting. I'm tired of working, I'm tired of putting on makeup and a smile, I'm tired of paying bills, I'm tired of phone calls, I'm tired of cleaning, and I'm tired of singing in the shower and watching sunrises and talking to friends and family and all the other little things that make us humans. I'm just so, so tired. I don't think I was meant to be a human being, or if I was, I wasn't meant to live in this life. In this version of the world.

This, I hate life itself and the things that we have to do

 

[TAW122]

I'm close to my mid 30's, and while I have no major health issues, existential issues, as well as liberty and external reasons (the way the world is), and psychological suffering (including personal struggles that torment me to no end) has been ongoing with little chance of abating, and my CTB has been long overdue. However, due to my living circumstances I'm unable to CTB in the last few years, though I'm still waiting until the right time as well as circumstances before I finally pull the trigger (metaphorically and literally).

 

[thislife24]

In my late twenties and have both physical (Lupus/chronic pain) and mental health issues that make it hard to have a job and interact with people. I am now facing homelessness as well. I don't want to ctb but if things continue to get worse I may have to.