This sounds pedantic and so generalist but its any time I try to socialize with anyone. No matter what, I try to mind my own business and be as friendly as possible. For whatever reason, there is a bunch of drama/serious events with me caught in the middle or I am free target for people to insult and humiliate. I can swear onto hell aside from me being unintentionally rude and making up for it, I do my best not to ever be purposefully a problem. I always want to treat people with respect, honesty, and fairness, and it gets me literally no where. I could be my very worst person and be at the same cross roads. The end of these matters is I am way too stressed and shaken to do anything or I'm just abandoned by everyone eventually. I guess I don't leave all on bad terms but none of them invite me to anything, no one goes out of their way to talk, or I am unceremoniously defriended with no inkling as to why. And seeing as though I have extreme anxiety meeting people in real life, much less trusting anyone, this means most of my human interactions are online, as terrible as that is to admit. Due to my chronic pain and lack of transporation, I can't exactly get around very well to meet others. So whenever this happens, and it happens all of the time, it puts another nail into just how close I am into CTB, not that anyone does care. I am too sensitive for this world I guess. Each time I am ghosted, find out I am talked about without coming to me first, and thrown into stressful situations it makes me just wish I had a six shooter in my hands. My heart is ripped up and step on each and every time. I hate how this is how I am.
