Discussion What's the worst advice you've ever heard?

[ABadPerson]

When it comes to mental health, what are the worst tips and advice? What are your pet peeves? Why? Keep in mind it doesn't necessarily have to be invalid advice, just something that you personally hate hearing.

I'm generally not exactly open with my more mental struggles to those not related to this forum, but I remember when I opened up vaguely to an online acquaintance about my derealisation and dissociative tendencies they basically just told me to snap out of the delusion.

It's a bit humorous to think about even now, as they don't seem to realise the implications behind their words. I guess you could say they are pro-choice at least?

As for pet peeves? I haven't heard it personally but 'get a hobby' always seemed particularly… Gross to me, considering how tone deaf of a comment it is.

 

[dendritedandruff]

The first time I confided in another person about how I was feeling about my life he launched into a long winded speech about how I just need to go skydiving - it felt like it was 10 minutes long. Apparently if I see the world from a high point of view that will suddenly make all the suffering and trauma go away and feel insignificant.

when I told him that was stupid, he followed with "it doesn't matter, you're too young to be suicidal anyways." To this man's credit, he DID piss me off so badly that I stopped thinking about all that for a little bit! I don't understand how any of that was supposed to help to this day lol

 

[TwistedNightmares]

"You should get a job"
"Talk to a suicide hotline"
"Just be happy"
"Go get some exercise, and fix your sleep schedule. It will make you feel better"

I hate hearing these all the time. None of this advice works for me at all.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Cleaning is a dopamine boost. Decluttering your home will make you happier and more functional. Notice how this advice is geared almost exclusively towards women? FOOH.

 

[thisIsNotEnough]

"everyone suffers in life"

The logical conclusion is "well everyone suffers, so if you can kill yourself to end your suffering, everyone should be able to". And for me I'm like yes actually that is how it should be lmao. But they mean to say "you'll never not be suffering, just deal with it" because they're pro-life and think I don't know, suffering is noble or something?

 

[vision]

Anythings god related

 

[deadmanwalking1990]

When it comes to mental health, what are the worst tips and advice? What are your pet peeves? Why? Keep in mind it doesn't necessarily have to be invalid advice, just something that you personally hate hearing.

"Its just in your head" well no shit

 

[Wishingforadream]

"Just eat"

If it were that easy to cure an eating disorder why would I still have one?

And then sending me to the Psych ward, A place you have no control over what you can eat.

 

[kopebaldy]

"Go to the hospital to see how people are desperately clinging to life"

Yeah? They look miserable, what's your point?

They have something to live for, I don't.

They have a life to get back to, I don't.

They aren't being tormented by their own mind, I do.

If I can just die and and give them my life I'll do it in a heartbeat.

 

[fuyuu]

"just don't think about it."

also "you need to control your emotions, not let your emotions control you"

 

[Flubber]

I've had so much ridiculous, unsolicited advice thrown at me that I just smile. "Just think about something else or go do something fun." Sure… as if any of that is actually doable.

Guilty, your honour

 

[like_a_bird]

When a person is struggling, the last thing I want to tell them is "It gets better". No. That's not what they need to hear. That's empty hope that won't accomplish anything.

The truth is this: For every case of a person that managed to improve their bad life circumstance, there are many more that never got that chance. Survivorship bias makes many believe that "it gets better", but this is objectively untrue. You do not ever hear of the ones that it did not get better for, because they are dead. You only hear about the success stories.
Worse yet, this seems to be a motto for suicide counselling and emotional support in general. It's a hope-based slogan, but it is an incredibly flawed one.

This is not to say that one should always be pessimistic and rule out any possible chance of improvement. Being realistic is important. Either way, it is a gullible thing to say, on top of being statistically and existentially flawed.

A way better approach for emotionally comforting a person in crisis is to acknowledge their suffering and let them talk to you. Understand them, and show them affection. Put in work to actively care for them and insert yourself into their life to be a pillar of actionable support instead of just saying "I'm sorry" and "It gets better".

This is so common and painfully dismissive

 

[bananaolympus]

Well is not an advice but years ago when i was going to therapy i told my therapist that lack of sleep is not fatal looking for reassurance since i am also an insomniac, he told me is not because the coroner not gonna rule it "died because of sleep deprivation" but rather a heart failure, respiratory, accident etc then listed all horrible things that comes with lack of sleep like thx bro i was better a couple of minutes ago. on a side note when i was at the hospital after my attempt i asked the question to a doctor he told me "nah you just sleep like 14 hours not really a big concern" that line alone did more for my mental health that all the therapy sessions combined

 

[Flubber]

A therapist preaching "goals, goals, goals".

When it feels impossible to comprehend today or even tomorrow, let alone next week, there isn't much room for frickin "goals". My only true goal was ending this shit.

Was so frickin glad to escape her toxic, linear mindset.

 

[Monolithian]

I'm hearing a lot of good ones so I'll post my two cents. Those tiktoks with dudes talking to their phone about some 'hey, you're so strong'. It's engagement bait most of the time.

 

[FoxSauce]

"Be positive." "Have you tried something?" "You just need to get over it."

Peoole think that suffering is a good thing. I get that life sometimes gives people hardships but dismising people's pain and tell them that you just need to move on cuz life is like that is completely invalidating and plain disrespectful. Society sees suffering as a good or normal thing.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

"coping skills" is just a retarded phrase. steady breathing and "grounding oneself" doesn't actually help fuckin' anyone with a serious emotional affliction. fuck counting sensory objects. fuck any advice a mental health ideologist has ever given me. you know when i'm happy? when they leave me the heck alone. i actually do a great job of resolving my problems by myself and managing my own afflictions when they don't interfere in my healing process. Too much to ask?

 

[witchcraft]

I am sorry this happened to you.

Your comment hit me hard in particular; NOT because I have an eating disorder (I don't), but because I have been involuntarily placed in a psych ward once and I still don't think I have fully recovered from the trauma of that experience.

And it was only for a day. Apparently I was "lucky."

"Just eat"

If it were that easy to cure an eating disorder why would I still have one?

And then sending me to the Psych ward, A place you have no control over what you can eat.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

I am sorry this happened to you.

Your comment hit me hard in particular; NOT because I have an eating disorder (I don't), but because I have been involuntarily places in a psych ward once and I still don't think I have fully recovered from the trauma of that experience.

And it was only for a day. Apparently I was "lucky."

Most of the reasons people end up in "psych wards" are structural economic problems and reducing them to individualistic solutions is a neoliberal copout. How many of our problems wouldn't be solved if we had good jobs where we were valued for our productive input and received a fair wage that allows us to live a materially comfortable and satisfying life? That's how we develop high self esteem - by contributing our talents in a way that benefits our society. Human creativity is the true meaning of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But the anarchy of production under imperialist British capitalism doesn't allow us to create a high quality standard of living for all. This is why tarriffs are actually Good to anyone who knows political economy, it just takes time for the prices of commodities to go down -- but go down they do, in time.

"Psych wards" are a bandaid covering up the dam leak of post industrial society. We need to return production to America and then slowly the suicide rate will drop. Pimping kids out to big pharma makes everything worse.

 

[witchcraft]

Most of the reasons people end up in "psych wards" are structural economic problems and reducing them to individualistic solutions is a neoliberal copout. How many of our problems wouldn't be solved if we had good jobs where we were valued for our productive input and received a fair wage that allows us to live a materially comfortable and satisfying life? That's how we develop high self esteem - by contributing our talents in a way that benefits our society. Human creativity is the true meaning of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But the anarchy of production under imperialist British capitalism doesn't allow us to create a high quality standard of living for all. This is why tarriffs are actually Good to anyone who knows political economy, it just takes time for the prices of commodities to go down -- but go down they do, in time.

"Psych wards" are a bandaid covering up the dam leak of post industrial society. We need to return production to America and then slowly the suicide rate will drop. Pimping kids out to big pharma makes everything worse.

Speaking of economy, I laugh whenever I hear the advice "don't let them win."

I don't know, but being their wage-slave for 50 years sounds exactly like letting them win...

If I am being honest, I do think they "win" either way. Metaphorically speaking, this is a domestication process. The only people who will be left are those who are OK with this system, or at least respond well to Huxley's soma. It's like farmers making sure the most violent chickens don't breed.

I honestly think that no real help exists because the elite are completely fine with this selection process. I am not sure how anyone is helped by being forced against their will into a psych ward. I did not realize it is apparently 100% legal and completely Constitutional to have all of your personal freedoms and rights raped from you because you told a therapist you wanted to commit isekai. Won't make the mistake of telling anybody irl how I feel ever again.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

Speaking of economy, I laugh whenever I hear the advice "don't let them win."

I don't know, but being their wage-slave for 50 years sounds exactly like letting them win...

If I am being honest, I do think they "win" either way. Metaphorically speaking, this is a domestication process. The only people who will be left are those who are OK with this system, or at least respond well to Huxley's soma. It's like farmers making sure the most violent chickens don't breed.

I couldn't agree more. There's an interesting series of articles by Jan Irvin that trace the intelligence connections of Huxley, Leary, Wasson et al. It's available on Logos Media.

Schiller wrote that Necessity puts aside its own, and he said that Play is what makes us Human. Leibniz understood that the best quality and most productive "work" anyone can contribute is in the nature of a playfulness which they enjoy. So basically the more someone does something, the more instinctive the doing becomes. Many people who became successful in a nonconventional way managed to do so because they refused to submit to society's expectations of them. Marx, Lenin, Huey Newton, they were full time agitators. They didn't work a 9-5. And they were very successful leaders and human rights heroes. If you enjoy what you do, you'll naturally do a better job.

The problem is essentially that the oligarchs have an Aristotelian perspective of society: they believe in one class of men who must rule, and another class of men who must be ruled over by force. Rather than uplifting man to a higher cultural standard they want to degrade him. It's republicanism versus oligarchy.

Ironically, slavery is bad economics. Our overlords would profit MORE if they invested in the neoplatonic conception of man as imago viva dei. Henry C Carey wrote a lot about this, he was Lincoln's economist.

 

[Nrocoop]

"You're in a tough spot." Um, as if I didn't already know that…. :(

 

[ScaredCutter]

"just walk up to people and talk to them"
"give ir a try/try again" and im complaining abput how much i dont like it
"why do you feel sad, you have everything youve asked for"

"why do you hate it when i sing"
"why do you hatw ur brother"
those two are annoying because ive given my reason countless of times.
and whatever other bullshit ive been told.