What’s the point?

[arod]

I don't even know why I'm posting this…I guess I'm just trying to find nonjudgmental people who understand. I lost my brother to suicide on 10/1 at 37 years old. He was the closest person to me & my very best friend. We were there for each other through absolutely everything. There isn't a soul who can compare. We come from a long history of childhood abuse, neglect & dysfunction. We got each other through a lot of really hard times & both have suffered from severe depression for as long as I can remember, so I understand completely why he did it, even though his life was seemingly going so well. But now I don't know how to go on without him. I have kids, but the thought of continuing through life without him is too painful to bear. A couple months before he committed suicide, I had my own close call with a gun in my car & was planning on going out via GSW to the head, which ironically, is exactly how he died. I chickened out because I'm completely inexperienced with guns & didn't want to end up on life support or a vegetable if I aimed wrong. My brother shot himself w a 9mm in the right temple & I was told that he died within minutes & didn't suffer. I'm once again contemplating my options & wondered your opinions on this method. I was told he wasn't conscious at all after pulling the trigger & felt no pain, but who knows the truth. I guess my question is, do you think it's better to shoot through the temple, or gun in the mouth & shoot through the back of my head (my original plan)? Also, what's the best gun to use? The ultimate goal is just lights out. Also, I would call 911 before pulling the trigger so paramedics would get to me first instead of family or anyone else.