What's the motivation today?

[leavingsoon99]

Hello. This is my first actual post on this forum. I've replied and commented on several posts but have never created one. I guess this is a good way to make a pseudo journal of sorts. Anyway, this question pops up in my head every day. What's the motivation? Why am I getting out of bed. I'm nearing the date I've chosen for my CTB. So, I have to find motivation to get from day to day until that time. Some days are easier than others to do so. Part of doing this is to remind myself how pointless my life is. Other than feeding my body that's breaking down on me daily since the age of 39, what is the motivation? I guess that, for today, I'll just look forward to making some art. I don't want to socialize anymore. I don't want to date anymore. I don't care about the self-inflicted absurdities of the human condition anymore. So I just busy myself with small, fulfilling projects and goals.

Does anyone relate?

 

[SVEN]

I have someone who needs me to help them cope, and a small dog who is in love with me. So the crippling guilt I know I'd feel in my last moments forces me on. I'd guess that in your position the only motivator I'd have would be knowing that the option to CTB is always with me if things became too much, so meantime it's just keeping on keeping on.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally see no point to the futile struggle that is existing, life really is just an unnecessary distraction from the fact that we are all destined to die, to me there is nothing to be gained from continuing to delay the inevitable. But the fact is that it's very difficult to finally exit this world so I guess that there is no choice but to carry on staying here if someone doesn't manage to find a way to leave.

 

[cwsyf]

I don't want to socialize anymore. I don't want to date anymore. I don't care about the self-inflicted absurdities of the human condition anymore.

Felt this.

My only motivation to get out of bed every morning anymore is hoping to finally find the right method for me. Ready to ctb now and actively trying to destroy everything in my life but just can't find the right way to go out for me.

 

[CTB Dream]

No have motiv no have any, strgl keep this world ,rly want ctb

 

[charlotte_]

i dont even know anymore. just had one yesterday and today it's already gone lol

 

[xxpinkmoonglitterxx]

Today I am struggling with my motivation to live more than I ever have. I'm halfway to my jump spot just sitting here. I don't think I'll do it but I'm not sure.

 

[thisiswhoiam-]

I don't want motivation to live another day, since it will just bring me more suffering and leads nowhere but to hell. Motivation to ctb would be better, but things are already so bad i feel like I should have much more than enough. My goal everyday is to end it and if i don't try it there is no progress in my life, but regress.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Beating Pokemon Blue

 

[leavingsoon99]

I don't want motivation to live another day, since it will just bring me more suffering and leads nowhere but to hell. Motivation to ctb would be better, but things are already so bad i feel like I should have much more than enough. My goal everyday is to end it and if i don't try it there is no progress in my life, but regress.

I feel you. However, I do have some minor affairs to straighten out before I go. Not many, and I don't have any notes to leave other than to the office personnel who find my body. I'm so done with playing the game of money. I'm blessed that I WFH, so I don't have to fake a smile every day. I realize that a lot of day-to-day motivation is rooted in hope. Hope is weaponized by this life in order to make one endure more suffering. The creator of this should be destroyed.